Bloodlust
by kalejay
Summary: A teenage boy stumbles onto Edward's eradication of Victoria, witnessing more than a human should know. Jane forces Edward to kill the boy, and in doing so, his desire for human blood is awakened and becomes nearly impossible to control. COMPLETE.
1. Ethan

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement. I own nothing except my own plot line and characters you may not recognize.

**Spoilers:** Twilight, New Moon and most of Eclipse.

**Synopsis:** Following the battle against the newborn army, a human teenaged boy had stumbled onto Edward's eradication of Victoria, witnessing more than a human should ever know. Captured by the Volturi, the boy's fate is no less than grim. The sadistic Jane gives Edward an ultimatum: Kill the boy himself or lose his true love forever. Forced into the situation, he opts to end the boy's life, but in doing so, his desire for human blood is awakened and becomes nearly impossible to control.

**A/N: This little story of mine continues immediately after Chapter 25 of Eclipse. Anything after that in the original Twilight series never happened.**

* * *

**Bloodlust**

**Chapter 1: Ethan**

**Bella's POV**

As I watched the grey cloaks of the Volturi vanish into the mist, I was hesitant to breathe a sigh of relief. The sickening sound of Bree's body crunching and snapping wouldn't stop echoing in my mind. Edward continued rubbing my shoulders as I shook beneath his arm. From the corner of my eye, I could see the smoke rising from the smoldering remains of the newborn vampire; the merciless fate delivered onto her by the Volturi. I fought against the impulse to look directly at it for fear of recognizing any distinctive body parts. I had blacked out once already and it wasn't something I needed to have happen again. The incense smell scratched at my throat, forcing me to cough.

Edward kissed my temple in another attempt to comfort me for all the horror I had just witnessed, but something about his action wasn't quite right. It seemed distracted; unsure. His hand suddenly tensed, becoming motionless against my upper arm. I looked up at his face, and his golden eyes were narrowed into slits, staring off in the direction where the Volturi had disappeared.

Before I could question it, a guttural rumble rolled inside his throat. "Damn it! Why didn't I hear him before?!" he snarled worriedly.

Sucking in a sharp breath, I scanned the perimeter of the clearing nervously. "What? Who?"

"I have to get to him before they do," Edward answered cryptically, ignoring my question. He released me as Alice approached us, her expression ambivalent. "Stay here!" Edward instructed, and before I could object, he took off running.

"Edward!" I called after him, panic heavy in my voice, but he had passed beyond the trees before his name had finished spilling over my trembling lips.

A small cold hand slipped into mine, causing me to flinch. "Stay here," Alice repeated Edward's request. She avoided my frantic gaze and stared in the same direction Edward had fled. Her expression suddenly became vacant, and I knew she was experiencing a vision. I was almost too afraid to ask...

"Alice? What do you see? Is Edward –?"

"He'll be... fine," Alice answered ominously, and squeezed her hand around my fingers.

Wide-eyed, I stared at her face, trying to search for answers. She finally turned to look me, probably in response to my quivering hand. She nodded once, a single crease breaking across her forehead, disrupting her perfect porcelain face.

"He'll be fine, Bella," she repeated, her angelic voice lacking the conviction I desperately sought. There was something she wasn't telling me.

My heart thudded furiously. Had my instincts been right? Was the horror far from over? It didn't matter that I had seen more than enough terror to last a lifetime; I should have known better than to think it would just vanish along with the Volturi.

"What's going on, Alice? Please tell me," I begged. "Who didn't Edward hear before?" I demanded frantically.

A soft breeze made her dark pixie-length hair dance around her face as she returned her solemn gaze toward the trees with a heavy sigh.

"Ethan."

-

-

**Edward's POV**

Running back through the eastern forest toward the campsite, I knew it wouldn't be long before I found him. It was a young male's voice that rang in my mind. He was scared, and he was also running. He wouldn't be hard to find; not with his heart pounding ferociously and his breath rough and ragging. I could have heard him from miles away. And if it wasn't for that, the scent of his fear was pungent in the air. He was an easy target for any vampire. My only hope was that I was the only one that _would_ find him.

I should have noticed his presence earlier, but a human boy was nothing close to resembling a threat... not when I was protecting Bella's life from that fire-haired psychopath that wanted to tear her to shreds. If I could have slain Victoria any more brutally than I already had, I would have. Over and over. I'd create an eternal inferno to incessantly blaze around her ashes to ensure the greatest defense for my love. Nothing would ever threaten to harm Bella again. I would always see to that.

And this was why I had to find him. He had seen everything; the violent brawl between Victoria and I that ended in her evisceration, Seth in his werewolf form helping me pile together the butchered body parts to burn... The horrific scenes looped in his mind and it was making him go mad. This boy had witnessed more than any human was supposed to know, and if the Volturi found him first, it would be another excuse to punish me for it.

Careless. Sloppy. Negligent. These words would be on the kinder end of the spectrum of the castigation I'd receive, and Jane wasn't known to be "kind" for long. She played by the rules, that was certain, but she'd never fail to catch our mistakes. That, and she didn't give second chances. What happened with Bree was example enough. I wasn't about to try her patience, for she was nothing but ruthless, and the only way around this was to make sure she never found out about him.

It was approximately halfway back to the campsite where I heard leaves being rustled and twigs snapping loudly underneath hurried strides. The only goal in his mind was to run away from the madness. It didn't matter where he was going, as long as his feet carried him far from where his mind could not escape.

I broke through some heavy brush and finally found the boy who appeared to be no more than fifteen years old. His disheveled coffee-colored hair pasted to his forehead which dripped of perspiration. He gasped as I appeared in front of him, sounding as if he was choking on his air. I realized it must have looked like I had materialized out of nowhere. Stumbling backward, he tried to catch his balance but failed and landed roughly in the dirt. He held his hands out in front of himself toward me with a pleading desperation in his eyes.

_Oh no, not you!... What are you?... Please don't kill me..._

"Don't hurt me. Please," he begged, shuffling his feet against the earth until he had backed himself up against the base of a large sycamore.

I was at him in a flash, pressing my palm against his mouth to silence him as I crouched over his trembling body. His crystal blue eyes paled and widened in horror as he uttered a muffled scream from beneath my hand.

"Relax, I'm not going to hurt you," I assured, keeping my hand pressed firmly over his mouth. The boy's pulse was racing, and instead of Victoria, it was himself that he imagined having me decapitate.

Taking a second to listen, I determined that we were still alone. Still safe.

Fisting the sleeve of his jacket in my other hand, I gave him a slight shake and looked intently into his glistening eyes. "I'm not going to hurt you, but there are others out here who want to," I spoke slowly and clearly, never breaking my stare. "If they hear you scream, they're going to find you just as easily as I did. So, when I take my hand off of your mouth, you're going to press your lips together as tightly as you can and not make a single noise. Do you understand me?"

A petrified tear slipped from the corner of his eye and slid over my fingers. I could already feel his lips pressing together as his head nodded quickly behind my palm.

_I won't say a word. I promise. Just don't kill me. Please, God, don't let me die._

I let go of his jacket and slowly lifted my hand from his mouth, keeping my gaze sternly fixed on his. As I stood up, I offered the boy my hand. He stared at it hesitantly for a few seconds before eventually accepting it, but avoided my eyes as he stood back up onto his shaking legs.

"Follow me," I uttered, softening my features. It seemed to calm him a little and he trailed me as I began to walk toward the north. Getting this boy out of the forest was of upmost importance to his survival, not to mention the more serious ramifications that would surely follow. I still wasn't completely sure what to tell him or where to take him, so for now, the complete opposite direction from Jane would have to do.

We didn't take ten steps before the forest suddenly took on an eerie silence. The branches of all the trees drooped as the wind held its breath, and even I could feel a chill creeping across my icy flesh. I stilled my footsteps and the boy did the same. He turned to look at me questioningly. Nothing moved but my eyes as I scanned the woods. I saw nothing, heard nothing... until a single solitary crow flew in and perched on a low branch right across from us. It glared at me before giving a portentous caw, but by then, its warning was already unnecessary. The next moment I was on the ground writhing in agony.

She was back. I was too late.

Groaning through my tightly clenched teeth, I clawed at the ground and curled into a ball, suffering silently until the crippling torture was too much to bear. I screamed despite my determination to hold myself together. My muscles tensed and I flipped over, arching my back and slamming the soles of my shoes against the soil. I fisted my hair in both hands and let another holler rip from my throat. Shutting my eyes tightly, I silently begged for the anguish to end. I couldn't stand feeling so powerless.

Just as suddenly as it began, the pain stopped and I rolled back onto my stomach as I took a moment to recover. As I opened my eyes, the hem of a dark cloak lay flush against the ground only inches in front of me. I lifted my head to glance up the entire length of the figure standing above me, and clenched my jaw in anticipation of another possible wave of pain.

Jane's smug grin peeked out from beneath her dark cowl which kept the rest of her face hidden in its shadow. She tilted her head upward slightly to reveal her crimson stare. "I knew I didn't come all this way for nothing," she uttered. Keeping her eyes fixed on me, she motioned with a small nod of her head in the boy's direction and smiled wickedly. "Who's your friend?"

I turned my head to look at him, surprised that he hadn't tried to make a run for it. The boy was frozen in a petrified stupor. I almost wished his body would take pity on him and shut down on its own before Jane could have her way with him.

Jane didn't wait for me to answer her. Instead, she turned her attention to the boy. "What is your name?" Jane asked him, almost sounding kind if not for her dead eyes.

Her question didn't penetrate his terrified state. He continued to stare at me, my screams echoing in his mind, adding to the horror he'd seen that seemed to be multiplying by the second.

I propped myself up onto my palms. "Answer her!" I shouted, startling him out of his oblivion. Better I scare him than having Jane torture it out of him.

He licked at his dry lips and stared at Jane, wondering how such a small childlike girl could inflict such monumental fear in him. "Ethan," he answered shakily. He blinked once, then looked from Jane to the four cloaked guards three times her size that stood not far behind her. His eyes widening in disbelief as he noticed all of them had blood-colored eyes.

"Ethan," Jane repeated, and he nodded, swallowing hard. She looked him over and shook her head slightly. "Why do we always have to kill the cute ones?" she asked herself. "Such a waste," she added with a sigh, feigning regret.

The mention of his fate sent tremors through the boy's body. His terror made his mind a buzz of overlapping thoughts that dizzied me. This definitely wasn't going to end well for him.

"And Edward, you really must be more vigilant," she scowled. "We don't need our secrets being revealed to everyone now, do we?"

I frowned curiously, sadly. "How did you know about him?"

"A little birdie told me," she replied. A slight twinkle of humor lit up her eyes which confused me until I realized that she meant her statement literally. My gaze landed on the tallest of the four guards that accompanied Jane as he grinned at Jane's remark. I had heard about Aquila before, the Volturi guard that was able to use animals as spies and messengers. He sneered at me and the same crow began to caw noisily again before flying off its branch and disappearing deep into the forest.

My face fell. There was never the opportunity to hide from the Volturi. Their members were powerful and proficient. To think I could fool them was ludicrous. My efforts were all for naught.

"There's no reason to kill the boy. He won't reveal to anyone of what he has seen," I said as more of a command to Ethan, and I stared at him with a knowing glance. He nodded vehemently as he understood, hoping for the minute possibility of his survival.

"You know the rules, Edward. There are no exceptions," Jane's expression was hard and resolute.

"Then turn him instead," I offered, unsure I had ameliorated Ethan's fate.

A sharp laugh exploded from Jane's mouth which she quickly stifled and replaced with an irritated growl. She looked offended. "Exactly what makes you think you can tell _me_ what to do?!"

"He's just a boy," I tried, not expecting sympathy.

Again, I was forced to the ground as Jane claimed me with her torturous grasp. My cries tore from deep within my lungs. Thankfully her hold on me was brief.

"You're really starting to irritate me, Edward," she rasped, and began walking circles around me as I lay face-down on the ground, fisting the damp earth into my palms. Her little girl voice gnawed at my mind. "Have I not been lenient enough with you, being patient until you keep your word and turn Bella?" Her voice was shrill and a calculating smile suddenly crept across her angelic face. "You know, I think I'll make Bella my snack before heading back home. I do feel a little hungry now that I think about it."

I lifted myself back up into a crouch. "Bella _will_ be taken care of. We assured you, the date has been set," I replied, struggling to keep myself from losing control and tearing her to shreds.

Jane looked bored and uninterested in hearing what I had to say. "I've been generous enough. The boy dies or Bella does," Jane concluded, coming to a stand-still in front of me.

There was no use trying to argue. I stood up slowly and looked grimly over at Ethan. His pulse almost stopped right then as my choice was clearly written on my face. It came down to either saving my love, or saving a stranger. My decision was simple enough.

Too simple...

"I'm sorry, Ethan," I uttered softly, unable to keep eye-contact with the boy. I just prayed that Jane would finish him quickly.

The boy sensed that it was fruitless to try and escape, and his legs gave out from under him. He crashed onto his knees in the dirt and sat back on his calves, his mouth gaping with silent pleas.

Jane nodded once. I braced myself as I expected Felix to break from the line to take care of the boy as he did with Bree, but the shrouded guards remained motionless as if they had become stone statues. Not even their cloaks fluttered in the light breeze.

Jane cocked her head and looked at me expectantly. "Carry on, then," she said, motioning toward the boy with a small wave of her hand.

I stood horrified as she insinuated that I kill the boy myself.

It was a few moments before I found my voice. "Why are you doing this?" I asked, unsure why I was surprised at her sadistic decision.

A sardonic giggle escaped her. "Because it's fun," she replied. "I may have missed the fight earlier but I think _this_ could make up for it."

Ethan's kneeling form began to shudder as every pair of undead eyes landed on him.

My inaction made Jane impatient. "Do it," Jane commanded, "or she dies."

The thought of any more harm coming to my love drove my following actions. With quick strides I made my way over to the boy and grasped the fabric of his jacket in my fist, lifting him to his feet. He weight hung completely in my hand, his fear making him incapable of holding himself up. Placing my other hand around his neck, I forced his head to the side to reveal the arch of his throat. He whimpered, realizing his certain doom.

_I have no choice._

I repeated this phrase silently as I forced myself to ignore Ethan's desperate pleas. Bringing my mouth against his neck, my lips curled back to reveal my teeth, but I could not bring myself to sink them into his flesh. I hovered my mouth millimeters from Ethan's throbbing jugular as he continued to shake and cry in anticipation of his own death.

"No... please," Ethan whimpered, clinging his hands around my arm. "I won't tell anybody anything. I swear!" he begged, sobbing pathetically. "I don't want to die!"

Jane clicked her tongue. "Really now, Edward. Not that I am complaining but you're just torturing the boy by dragging this out. If you're going to do that, let me at least play with him a little too."

The boy's weight suddenly became heavier in my grasp as he lifted his legs off the ground and upward into his chest. He screamed in agony as Jane shot spasms of pain through his body.

I couldn't let him suffer Jane's wrath. "Stop!" I screamed at her, and instantly felt Ethan's muscles relax as she immediately released her hold. But his relief would be brief.

Before either Ethan or I could realize it, my teeth sank deep into the side of his throat. He didn't even scream. My jaw clenched tightly as his hot blood washed over my tongue. By now my venom was working its way through his body, but it could never serve its purpose. Ethan had to die. I relaxed my jaw slightly and pulled my face away from his. His body went limp in my arms and I dropped to my knees with him still in my grasp.

I felt sick as his blood gurgled in his throat as he attempted to catch his last breath. The life was seeping out of him too slowly. Ethan blinked and his eyes glistened as they met mine. Despite my intentions, he was suffering. I heard Jane giggle shamelessly.

"I'm so sorry," I whispered to him, and with a quick motion, I turned his head sharply, snapping his spine. The sickening crack wasn't a sound I would soon forget.

Pushing Ethan's dead body off me and onto the ground, I stood up with my back to Jane and wiped my bloodstained lips with the back of my hand. I refused to look at her. I did what I had to. Now I just hoped that she would leave.

It was silent for a few moments, save for that snap that echoed relentlessly. The metallic taste of human blood saturated my mouth, securing my place in hell.

I clenched my fists tightly as she appeared beside me. Turning my head to the right, I looked down at the face I despised with daggers in my eyes, wishing I could obliterate her.

She smiled at me. "Now... was that really so hard?" Jane giggled.

I said nothing.

Her smile faded and she lifted both her hands to the side of her hood, pulling it back behind her head to reveal her dark silky hair. "You really do love her a lot, don't you?" she asked, almost sincerely.

Again, I refused to reply and turned my head, knowing my actions had spoken for themselves.

Jane laughed. "Thank you, Edward. That was quite entertaining. Perhaps we'll see each other again soon," she said casually.

I stood staring unseeing into the forest until I sensed that she had finally disappeared along with her guards. When I turned to look behind me, only Ethan's body remained. His dead stare held mine and I was unable to look away.

Regrettably, I had failed at saving his life, but my purpose had not gone unfulfilled... Nothing would ever threaten to harm Bella again. Like I said... I would always see to that.

* * *

**A/N #2: Before I get butchered, I am aware that Aquila is not a real member of the Volturi, nor is the ability to use animals as spies. Since there are several unnamed members of the guard I decided to have a little creative fun with it. There is more to come so stay tuned! **


	2. The Devil on My Left Shoulder

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement. I own nothing except my own plot line and characters you may not recognize.

**A/N:** Sorry for the long wait. Life's been a little crazy. Hope you enjoy this next bit!

* * *

**Chapter 2: The Devil on My Left Shoulder**

**Edward's POV**

Bella. Everything I did was for her. I would die for her, and I would kill for her... and I had. I couldn't feel regret for my actions for the purpose they served, but the death of this boy wasn't something I would get over quickly, if at all. I could already feel the flames of hell drawing closer and licking at my flesh. Even when I had taken human life in my dark past, I would always justify it with the reasons that they were bad people doing bad things. But Ethan was an innocent, killed for the sole reason that he was in the wrong place at the wrong time. He didn't deserve what had happened to him.

Surely Alice had seen what I had done in a vision by now. I wondered if she had revealed it to Bella as well. In a way I hoped she had, for I didn't know if I had the strength to admit it to her myself. How would she look at me once she knew the truth? How could I kiss her knowing the lips that touch hers are the same ones that stole the life from an innocent boy. She would never look at me the same way again.

The forest was still and silent as if in shock while Ethan's body rested at its feet. I couldn't look away. His lifeless eyes still shone with desperate tears. Even in his passing he begged for mercy. His desperate pleas continued to ring though my mind along with the sickening crack of his spine.

Taking a step closer toward his body, my stare remained unwavering from his. I deserved to suffer his dead glare for what I had done to him. But his gaze wasn't condemning; it was worse. It was a look of despair.

_Please... I don't want to die._

The guilt was too much for me. Kneeling down beside him, I reached out tentatively and slid his eyelids shut with my fingertips. He was still warm.

A clammy sensation on my knee suddenly took my attention from his face. The blood had continued to drain from Ethan's body, dripping from his wound onto the soil beneath him. The viscid burgundy mud it created pooled around him, growing deeper by the second, and had seeped onto my clothing.

The dark glossy syrup oozed around my knee like slow-flowing lava, and I found myself lost in a trance.

Something gnawed at my mind. Guilt, remorse, horror... But there was something else as well. Something unexpected. Unwanted...

Hunger.

The feeling of being starved overtook my other emotions. The fading flavor of Ethan's blood on my tongue suddenly made me feel angry; but not out of guilt. I was angry because I wanted more. I _needed_ more. I tried to suppress the urge to satisfy my hunger, but it wouldn't leave me alone. It breathed down my neck, and whispered into my ear: _Have some more._

The forest disappeared as my blackened eyes saw nothing but the blood that surrounded his body. There was nothing else but blood. Human blood. The smell was intoxicating. The monster buried deep within me took over my conscience, and I found my mouth inching closer toward the gash in Ethan's neck.

_Stop!_

I growled, clenching my fist and kept myself from getting any closer. The scent of his blood was burning my throat and I fought with my inner demon to resist what I had vowed never to drink again.

_Admit it; this is what you want. This is what you _need_. Don't wash away the flavor, wash it down._

_No. I'm not a monster!_

_You already killed him; might as well get something out of it. Give in to what you are. You'll never be hungrier than you are right now._

I found myself salivating venom as the urge inside me became almost too painful to bear. Disgusted with myself, I screamed in disdain as I forced myself away from the boy. I couldn't give in. Pushing myself up, my palms dripped with his blood, marking me for the monster that I was. What had Jane turned me into by forcing this upon me?

"What's happening to me?" I grieved, knowing that any ounce of humanity that was left in me was lost in the moment my teeth pierced through Ethan's flesh.

I wiped my bloodied hands on my jeans and left his mangled body in the dirt as I ran away faster than I ever thought I could. I escaped from the temptation, from the horror, but I couldn't escape the hunger that had begun to plague me. I tried to force it down inside myself and concentrated on Bella's face as I made my way back toward the clearing. All this had to be worth it. It was all for her. If I had to suffer my demons for her, then that is what I would do. I just hoped that my restrain would remain in tact.

-

-

**Bella's POV**

"Who's Ethan?" I asked Alice. My nerves were shot and her lengthy pause only made me worry more.

"I think Edward should tell you when he gets back," she finally replied, smiling half-heartedly.

I scraped my teeth over my bottom lip nervously, only slightly comforted by the fact that he would at least be returning. In what condition he would return remained a mystery, but before I could question Alice any further, Jasper appeared at her side and reeled her against his chest. With a soft kiss to the top of her head, an apparent calmness washed over her as her features relaxed. The crease that furrowed her brow melted away and her face regained its usual pristine glow.

"Thanks, Jazz," Alice breathed, closing her eyes. Her arms snaked around to his back and lock together, making me yearn for Edward's embrace.

Jasper glanced at me and the same calmness enveloped me as well. I appreciated the gesture, but still felt uneasy about the synthetic emotion that was claiming me. I didn't want to be forced to feel calm, I wanted to have good reason to be. The fact that I was being given enigmatic responses and fabricated reassurances made me wonder just how bad things really were.

A chill ran down my spine as the air suddenly grew colder. Things were far from over. I knew that now.

Half an hour later, we were still waiting in the clearing for Edward's return. Not knowing what was going on with Edward was driving me crazy. Alice refused to tell me exactly what she had seen, using the excuse that 'things could still change', which only instilled more fear than comfort.

The thick column of smoke that had risen from Bree's burning body had been reduced to thin wisps – like smoke from a cigarette. I followed the faint grey cloud upward as it climbed the air toward the treetops, and my mind continued to race. I needed answers and had Jasper not kept me under a calm suppression, I might have been inclined to torture some answers out of Alice had I the strength to do so.

A loud cawing tore my attention from the smoke to the eastern border of the clearing. Alice turned to me, her expression unreadable. "He's back," she uttered softly as a crow flew directly over us. It soared over the dwindling fire, straight through the wisps, disrupting smoke with its outstretched wings. Then it disappeared, its ominous caw fading with it as Edward emerged from beyond the trees like an apparition.

I ran toward him the second I saw him, relief washing over me. "Edward!" I called out to him as I made my way closer. He remained motionless at the tree line, just staring at me silently as he watched me approach. As I got closer, I slowed my strides considerably and stopped short in front of him, my breath catching in my throat when I saw a look in his eyes unlike any I've seen before. "Edward?..." My voice shook with uncertainty.

He looked through me. I felt scared for a reason I didn't understand. Taking a hesitant step forward, I closed the small gap between us and reached out for his hand with a baited breath. "What happened? Are you alright?" I whispered.

The sensation of my fingers as they grasped his hand seemed to snap him out of his trance, and his eyes focused on mine. My face reflected in his black pools. He smiled suddenly; unconvincingly. It seemed forced and unnatural.

"You're safe now. It's alright. Nothing is going to hurt you," he replied, pulling me against him. His grasp around my body was tight. Desperate. His lips brushed against my cheek and his hand was at the back of my head as he cradled me against himself protectively. "I promised I would protect you, Bella," he said softly, and began to gently rock me from side to side.

Something was off.

I pulled away and looked up into his eyes. "Why did you run off, Edward? What happened? And who's Ethan?" I asked insistently. He winced slightly at the mention of the name and he lifted his gaze past me toward Alice in the distance. My fingers tightened around his waist, urging him to answer me.

He looked back down, his onyx depths void of emotion. "She didn't tell you?" he inquired, speaking of Alice.

I shook my head slowly, searching his eyes for answers. My heart sped in anticipation.

"I had to. I had no choice," he revealed ambiguously, then stroked my cheek with the back of his fingers. "But you're safe now. It's over."

I covered his hand with mine, stilling it against my face. "I don't understand. What do you mean?" I persisted cautiously.

"Ethan. I killed him... to save you."

The butterflies in my stomach rose to my throat. For the first time, I saw the blood that was staining his clothes and realized that Ethan was a human. I didn't know what to say. The blank expression suddenly took on one of torment and I startled as he grasped at my arms, pulling me back against him desperately.

"I had no choice," Edward repeated, whispering into my ear. His cool breath chilled me, raising my skin to gooseflesh.

I wrapped my arms tightly around his neck. "It's okay," I soothed, raking my fingers upward into his bronze hair. I didn't know what else to say. His lips slowly grazed across my neck, making me shiver and I closed my eyes as he savored my skin with a slow deep kiss. "It's going to be okay..."


	3. And So It Begins

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Twilight, nor do I own any of Twilight's characters. All characters and themes referenced belong to Stephenie Meyer. Any quotations are purely for reference and are in no way an attempt at any copyright infringement. I own nothing except my own plot line and characters you may not recognize.

**A/N:** This one's got a little bloodiness to it, so be warned ;)

* * *

**Chapter 3: And So It Begins**

**Edward's POV**

"It's going to be okay." Bella continued to whisper her reassurances as she held me tightly around my neck, twisting her delicate fingers through my hair. I wondered if she would still be as eager to soothe me had she known I had hovered over Ethan's body, tempted to devour what I had unwillingly begun to desperately crave.

I clung to her, thankful for the moment nonetheless, for I had no idea how long it would last once she knew the complete truth. Nuzzling my face deep into the crook of her neck, breathing her scent became enough to distract my racing thoughts. She smelled incredible. As I inhaled her sweet bouquet, I couldn't help but gently press my parted lips against her soft warm flesh, even though I shouldn't have dared to. But the pull toward her was too strong... It was always too strong. I kissed her repeatedly – slowly – testing my control.

My eyelids slid shut over my blackened gaze as I tasted the surface of her skin. The moment between us became more sensual than it should have been considering the situation, but she didn't shy away. Instead, her breath hitched, and she hugged my head closer to herself. Her flesh warmed considerably against my cold lips as her pulse began to quicken. Suddenly, it was all I could hear.

_Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom._

It thundered in my ears, blocking out every other noise for miles. I froze my lips at the base of her neck, feeling her heartbeat shaking against them with every pulse. The black I saw behind my eyelids started to change... to a bright bloody red.

_Ba-boom. Ba-boom. Ba-boom._

My eyes snapped open. Retracting my lips from her quickly, I held Bella out to arms length in front of me with more force than I intended, my grip on her sleeves clamping roughly onto her arms. Her breath sucked in sharply and she stared at me, bemused. Silent questions presented themselves in her eyes as she studied my expression, which I'm sure was just as baffled as I felt.

I was at a loss for words. A single thought kept repeating in my mind: She smells so good. So... _appetizing_.

_Edward..._

My sister's anxious voice suddenly filled my mind, pulling my gaze over Bella's shoulder. Alice was watching me cautiously from a distance. She began to slowly approach us and I could sense the apprehension that thickly coated her. Jasper remained in his position in the middle of the clearing, poised in a military-like stance. He eyed the blood on my clothing, keeping his distance like he was avoiding catching a disease.

"I'm sorry," I said absently to Bella, keeping my eyes on my sister. I felt a pull at my fist and realized that I still had her in a tight grip by the sleeves of her jacket. Releasing her abruptly, my eyes lowered to meet hers again, but she had no words for me. A mixture of sadness and bewilderment was written all over her face, and my heart fell as I noticed something else. Fear.

I opened my mouth to speak but Alice interrupted by threading her arm through Bella's and came to stand between us. "See, I told you he'd be back," she said to her, gently easing her away from me. Alice looked at me knowingly before continuing. "He's fine. Everything will be just fine," she nodded and began to escort Bella away from me.

Dumbfounded, I could only stare as they retreated, my mouth still agape. Was Alice protecting Bella... from _me_?! The notion was ludicrous! I was the one that would always _protect_ her. I couldn't ever _hurt_ her.

After a few paces, Bella turned her head back to look at me. Her long waves fluttered around her face as a light breeze brushed across her cheek, and a look of worry displaced her brows into a somber arch. I shook my head, answering her silent question. _No, I would never hurt you, my love. Never._

But I couldn't help but second-guess myself. As much as I refused to believe that I could ever hurt the one person I vowed to protect for all of eternity, I couldn't ignore the venom that had begun to pool in my mouth. Despite my lack of need to breathe, it felt as if all the air was being sucked out of my lungs as a startling realization struck me... I must have subconsciously decided to attack Bella or Alice wouldn't have felt the need to intervene.

Appalled with myself, I remained frozen where I stood, unsure whether or not to follow. Alice sensed my hesitation and beckoned me to follow with a small movement of her head.

_Everything will be just fine, Edward. Now come home. You just need to get yourself out of those bloody clothes. _

A change of clothing and all will be fine... I only wished it was that simple.

Reluctantly taking a step forward, I slowly followed them, attempting to swallow the hunger that continued to pester me.

-

*~*~*~*

-

Reaching randomly into my bedroom closet, I enclosed my fist around the first shirt my fingers came into contact with. It happened to be a simple black t-shirt. _How morbidly ironic._ Tearing it swiftly from the hanger, I tossed it onto the back of my chair, then took a new pair of black jeans from my dresser, adding that to the pile.

Passing in front of the full-length wall mirror, I paused to look into it. The sight of blood on my clothing shouldn't have bothered me. My hunting excursions wouldn't always leave me unsullied after all. But the evidence of my kill that stained me this time would be the only one that would continue to haunt me. I lifted my eyes to my face, but instead of my black depths, a pair of ice-blue eyes peered back instead — the desperate pleading gaze of a boy I could not save. Tears glazed over his eyes and rolled down his cheeks, then the clear drops suddenly thickened and turned red, staining his face with streaks of blood.

I turned away from the mirror, shutting my eyes together tightly. Shaking my head to dispel the disturbing images, I groaned at the waking nightmare that was persistently taking over me. Ethan would remain a secret torment in my life, but he wouldn't remain a secret forever. His body would eventually be found and that alone brought up a whole new set of complications that I refused to deliberate about just yet.

Guilt, shame... hunger... The list of my newfound troubles seemed to be multiplying by the second.

As I slowly reopened my eyes, I noticed that the reflection in the mirror had returned to my own, but it didn't make me feel any better about it. Moving away from the sight of myself, I removed the blood-stained clothing that tainted me and tossed them to the furthest corner of my room. I held my breath, refusing to inhale the scent that continued to tempt my hunger, and slipped into the clothes I had draped over my chair.

Once dressed, I waited a few moments with doubtful curiosity, then sighed at my expected outcome... Alice was wrong about feeling better after changing my clothes. I could throw them away, burn them, forget about them, but the troubles that came with it were not as easy to discard.

The dry ache in my throat was becoming painful, even despite my attempt at blocking the scent. I hated the fact that after just killing a boy and almost attacking my love, this was the forefront of my concerns. What kind of monster was I?

_You need to feed._

This wasn't the voice of the demon inside me. It was Jasper's. I turned to see him standing in the doorway, glancing at me stoically with eyes as black as mine. My eyebrows drew tightly together. Of course Jasper would understand my torment the best. But was exactly was he suggesting?

He eyed the pile of bloodied clothes once again as he had in the clearing and took a slight step backward before his eyes met mine again.

"Will you join me on a hunt, Edward?" Jasper inquired directly.

I salivated at the mere mention of it, but ground my teeth together in guilt, for the prey I envisioned was not animal. Forcing the fleeting image from my mind, I nodded morosely. Perhaps Jaspers suggestion was ideal. Maybe if I satisfied my craving with a hunt I could put my demon to rest.

Jasper nodded with understanding, sensing the desperation of my hunger and retreated quickly. I was left staring with uncertainty at the empty space in the doorway which he had briefly occupied.

I waited until he was downstairs again before leaving my room. Standing at the top of the staircase, I clenched the banister in my fist and took a moment to compose myself before proceeding downstairs. The image of Bella's questioning gaze in the clearing looped in my mind. I hadn't spoken a single word to her since we had returned to the house and frankly, I was worried what she was thinking of me.

As my footsteps carried me slowly downward, I could hear a soft rhythmic tapping that I determined was Bella's leg bouncing against the wooden floor. Random keys on the piano were being depressed one by one, but the tuneless song came to an abrupt stop as I became myself visible to everyone in the living room.

Bella looked up from the piano and her beautiful brown eyes locked with mine. She smiled. It was tentative at first — worried — but it held its place as I continued to descend. Relief struck me for a brief moment and I felt the corners of my lips pull back as well. The feeling of it was strangely uncomfortable.

Standing close beside her by the window, Alice's eyes shot up as she saw me, and her dubious expression wiped the hesitant smile from my face. With graceful steps, she walked over to meet me at the bottom of the landing. I looked at her strangely as she peered at me like I was a bomb about to explode.

"Hey... Are you alright?" she questioned, taking a swift glance back at Bella.

I grimaced. "Fine," I replied dismissively, looking past her at Bella who had now stood up between the piano and the bench. She was nervously rubbing at her left arm with her opposite hand and her unblinking stare remained affixed on me. All I wanted in that moment was to assure her that I could never harm her, but my certainty of my own actions was already becoming shady as the flavor of fresh death still clung to my senses.

As I started to approach Bella, Alice took a step in front of me. An irritated growl rose from my throat. "Alice, would you relax? I'm not going to do anything to her. Can't you see that?!" I snapped, walking around her. Whether or not it was the truth I didn't care, and if it wasn't, I didn't want to know. I just wanted to hold her in my arms and not feel like the monster I feared I was becoming.

Thankfully, Alice made no further attempt to stop me. Bella took a step toward me as I closed the distance between us. Not completely trusting myself, I held my breath as a precaution as I slowly extending my arm toward her face, and swept a tendril of her hair behind her ear. I was only too glad that she did not flinch as I touched her. Her bottom lip sucked into her mouth and she chewed on it as she gave me another little smile. The complexities of her reactions baffled me, making me wish for the millionth time that I could peer into her thoughts.

"I'm going on a hunt with Jasper. We'll have a talk when I get back, alright?" I murmured, moving my hand back from her ear to cup the nape of her neck in my palm. Her warm skin electrified me.

She nodded as if she had already anticipated my statement. "Okay," she replied, her voice spilling over her lips like honey.

Everything about her was so appealing to me right now; her voice, her smile, the warmth radiating from her flesh... and I knew I had to leave. Now.

"I'll be back later. I love you," I whispered, and despite my better judgement, I leaned closer and dared to kiss her forehead. But I pulled away quickly. The warmth of her skin lingered on my mouth, sending an ache through me that was almost too painful to bear. My hand tightened into a fist and dropped from her body as I started to back away.

And just then, my sudden tension changed to tranquility.

"Edward?" Jasper spoke quietly.

I looked to him, thankful for his empathic intervention, and motioned toward the front door with my head. "I'll be right there."

He nodded and kissed Alice sweetly before heading out, making me yearn for the strength to kiss Bella without a second thought.

I gave one last glance at my love before I took another step away and again, she smiled reassuringly — a smile I wasn't sure I deserved — and whispered, "I love you, too."

-

*~*~*~*

-

It hadn't been long since I last hunted, yet it felt as if I were dying of thirst. My craving for blood was intense and painful, and my blackened eyes searched desperately for something to ease it. The quick fluttering hearts of the sparrows perched in the branches above mocked me, and my jaws clenched together in contempt.

The first heartbeat I honed in on belonged to an animal much too small to satisfy the magnitude of my furious appetite, yet I stalked it just the same. The yearning for blood on my tongue only intensified the more I thought about it, and anything within my immediate range became vulnerable. I was too fast for the small grey fox to even realize that I was close before its frail neck snapped between my jaws. Ripping my teeth through fur and muscle, I bled its life source quickly, downing the hot red liquid in large gulps to quench my thirst. Once drained, I dropped the small limp body to the ground, still hungry for more. I tongued the corner of my mouth, licking it clean, making sure nothing went to waste.

Another heartbeat about ten yards away caught my attention. This one was stronger, larger. I could smell the familiar scent of a white-tailed deer. A buck. Perfect. I wanted to drown my unwanted craving with as much animal blood as I could get.

I crouched down low as I prepared to attack, but just as I was about to spring from my position, Jasper was already upon it, sinking his teeth into my prey. It thrashed in his grip, stunned to have been captured, and Jasper crashed his left hand against the front of its neck, crushing its airway as he proceeded to draw its blood into his mouth.

The muscles in my neck grew taut as I cringed with envy at my stolen desire, and a contemptuous snarl reverberated within my throat. Jasper lifted his eyes to meet mine, the buck's throat still clenched between his jaws. Surprised with my reaction, Jasper's eyes narrowed. But as much as this hunt was for my benefit, he was hungry as well, and wasn't keen on relinquishing his prey.

I wasn't normally one to fight over a meal, for there was always plenty of game nearby, but the hollow ache in my stomach was unlike I had ever felt it before. I saw myself through Jasper's eyes, barely recognizing myself. His lips curled back off his teeth and he responded with an identical growl, blood spilling from his mouth. The wasted drops angered me, making the viciousness in my growl more pronounced.

As I took a step closer, Jasper's narrowed glare veered to my right, and I saw a second buck through his eyes. I had been so focused on the one he had captured that I didn't even realize the small herd that surrounded us. The deer stood frozen in hopes of not being spotted, but once my head turned toward it, the animal took off in a sprint following the others that had already scattered. I swallowed my chagrin and took off after it, leaving Jasper to engorge on his rightful kill.

It didn't take me long to catch up with it as my hunger drove me forward. Grabbing hold of its antlers, I heaved it roughly to the ground, its breath rushing out all at once as it collapsed. It proceeded grunting and bucking furiously beneath my grasp. I heard a loud crack and a piece of antler fell away in my hand.

Readjusting my hold around its neck, I slumped myself over the animal and tore violently into its jugular. The deer's complaints reduced to a feeble bleating as I stole the life from its veins. Its body slowly surrendered to me, growing limp in my arms as the hot blood poured down my throat. I drank eagerly, longing for my thirst to finally be satisfied, but when the veins eventually ran dry, my craving remained just as hollow. My stomach was full but it wasn't enough. The flavor had been completely... wrong.

Frustrated with myself, I pulled my mouth from the carcass and sat with knees bent on the ground in front of it, debating whether or not devouring another buck would be worth the effort. Running my tongue around the inside of my mouth, I found myself searching for the flavor that had previously horrified me. It was gone, just as I had hoped it would be... but why did I not feel relieved?

The sound of snapping branches lifted my eyes to see a figure looking down at me. The dead ice-blue eyes cut into mine and he smiled sardonically.

_Feel better? _Ethan inquired.

I looked away as a mixture of emotions tortured me, unable to determine which was the most painful among them.

_No._

As I lifted my head again, I wasn't surprised to see that Jasper had taken the place of Ethan's ghost. He looked at me dubiously as a swirl of questions flooded his mind about what had gotten into me earlier.

Standing up, I avoided his eyes and chose to pretend our brief confrontation had never happened.

"Thank you, Jasper. I do feel better now," I lied.


	4. A Roll of the Dice

**A/N: **Sorry for the long wait for this chapter. Life's a little hectic these days. I also apologize for the short length of it, but I didn't want to leave you hanging for much longer and it's the most I could get out. On another note, here's a little something different in this chapter; an Alice POV! ;)

* * *

**Chapter 4: A Roll of the Dice**

**Alice's POV**

Bella and I were left alone in the house as my brother and my husband left for the hunt. Anxiety had gripped itself onto my bones and hung on with sharp claws as a feeling I rarely experienced claimed me entirely: Uncertainty.

Since we left the clearing, swirling images had begun taking over my mind. Several different events that could possibly take place overlapped each other but never fully played out. Instead, one occurrence would freeze midway only to be replaced with a flash of something completely opposite, and then back again. And it looped. It was extremely dizzying.

Edward was struggling with himself. His confusion attributed to the mele battling in my mind which was highly frustrating. I was used to the fact that my visions were subjective and that they could always change, but the rate at which Edward was bouncing back and forth in his decisions was bedazzling. But worse than that, if Edward chose to give in to temptation, the possible future was terrifying...

It was violent... It was bloody... It was awful... and I couldn't allow it to happen.

He teetered his decisions continuously, back and forth. As confusing as it was for me, it probably couldn't compare to the anguish Edward was putting himself through. Nothing was ever certain, but I couldn't get a good handle on him, and this worried me. He had rendered himself unpredictable and it was impossible for me to decipher which of my visions were more accurate. As much as I hated to, the only thing I could think to do was to expect the worst.

It probably didn't help Edward to make him think that I predicted he would be a danger to Bella, but maybe it would cause him to be extra cautious around her. I couldn't blame him that the brief taste of human blood ignited in him what we truly are, but I held on to the hope, knowing that Edward was always strong enough to overcome his demons. Yet, as ever-changing as my visions were, the blood was so vivid that I could nearly smell it myself, and my anxiety dug its claws further into my being.

My most recent vision played out while standing at the bottom of the stairs before Edward had left. Despite what I was, it had made me sick: Blood was everywhere. It had flooded the tiled floor, making tiny rivers as it followed along the grout. It painted the walls and the ceiling. It stained the piano keys with its crimson syrup... It was Bella's. Edward hadn't merely killed her; he had massacred her body.

The vision had been so fleeting that I didn't even have time to react to it. However, there was another flash, and everything changed. The blood disappeared and Bella remained alive, standing before Edward wearing an encouraging smile as he simply backed away from her, looking at Jasper with gratitude.

I was all too relieved when the latter of the two situations actually played out no more than a second later, and as I kissed my husband goodbye before he left, I whispered a thank you into his ear. Because he had sensed Edward's temptation about to get the better of him — as well as my trepidation due to my vision — Jasper had projected a sense of calmness upon him, eliminating the possible bloodshed. My hero. My soldier.

It was apparent that we both needed to keep a close eye over Edward, and together we could try to help him before things got out of hand. I almost felt guilty, plotting against Edward this way, but if the horror of what I saw passed through his mind once, it was surely apt to happen again.

I hesitated whether or not I should divulge what I had seen to Bella, then realized it probably wouldn't have made a difference. She already knew what Edward — what all of us — was capable of. Her faith in Edward's control was unwavering, solid. I understood that kind of love... but would it be enough to keep her safe?

My aching uncertainty burned. I was at a loss.

The piano sounded softly as her delicate fingers stroked randomly across the unstained keys. She looked up at me with a somber gaze and I smiled at her tentatively, hiding the fear I felt for her as the worst of my visions echoed in my memory, and prayed that they would never come to pass.

-

-

**Bella's POV**

As I watched the front door shut behind Edward, the breath I was secretly holding came out in a rush. My smile faded as anxious tears began to well up behind my eyelids. I didn't want to say that I was afraid of Edward — I don't think I ever could be — but I couldn't stop thinking about the way he looked at me in the clearing before Alice came between us. If it was possible, his black eyes looked as they were getting even blacker; shinier. It was mystifying. But it was like someone else was peering at me through them. It wasn't my Edward looking at me, and that was the only thing that scared me.

Resuming my seat at the piano bench, I absently glided my fingers lightly along the ivory, not pressing strongly enough to create any sound. Suddenly feeling that I was being watched, my gaze lifted to meet Alice's and a peculiar smile presented itself on her face. It looked forced; painful even, if smiling could inflict pain.

I frowned. "What is it?" I asked, feeling a chill run down my spine. Her expression remained frozen as her eyes unlocked from mine and focused through the large window instead, watching our significant others disappear into the distance. She looked just as confused as I felt, which, for Alice, was very unsettling to witness.

"Edward is..." she paused uncomfortably, looking as if she were searching her mind for the appropriate words to continue. "...I'm not sure," she finally answered, obviously uncomfortable with her inability to reply with anything concrete.

_Not sure._ Those words coming from Alice was disconcerting. Keeping silent, my hands slid off the clavier and into my lap as I watched her standing statuesque by the banister, pained by her apparent confusion.

"He wouldn't hurt me, Alice," I offered, taking my best guess at what was on her mind. I was also hoping to reel some kind of a confirmation from her, and I held my breath in anticipation.

"No. He doesn't _want_ to... But that doesn't mean he won't," she said bluntly.

My expression pained at her words and she finally looked back at me just in time to catch it, but her golden eyes were unapologetic. The usual optimism in her character was missing, leaving me without reassurance and comfort. Even if the future was bleak, at least I would know what to expect, but she gave me nothing other than a blank stare that encompassed nothing but questions.

"Just... be careful," Alice added, and turned to walk up the staircase, gliding her hand gingerly over the banister as she climbed. I stared after her until she disappeared, then I was completely alone in the large empty living room where it was silent except for my heartbeat that began to thunder in my ears.

_Be careful._ Of Edward? Alice's words didn't make any sense. I couldn't believe that Edward would ever hurt me. He would never allow himself to and I would never show him that I believed anything other than exactly that. But apparently Edward thought otherwise about himself... I had sensed his hesitation to touch me before he left with Jasper. He looked afraid and like he was in pain, barely kissing me goodbye.

Edward was complex but also very simple at the same time. His concerns usually boiled down to one thing: protecting me, keeping me safe. He killed Ethan for exactly that reason. I realized that Edward would have a hard time dealing with it, but there was nothing that lead me to believe that this would make him a threat to me. So why did both he and Alice seem to think so? Was I the only one with any confidence in him?

The tears that burned behind my eyelids finally slipped down my face. Shutting my eyes tightly, I lowered my head and rested the heels of my palms over my eyes, cupping my forehead. First Edward, now Alice... It seemed like everyone around me was morphing into someone I didn't recognise. It was all so confusing, and the uncertainty of what to expect gnawed at my mind.

Frustrated, I dug my palms harder against my eyes until I saw stars, whimpering softly as I wondered when the answers to the endless amount of questions would be discovered. With a tenuous sigh, I brushed my hands downward along my face, wiping away the hot tears. The blinding stars gradually began to fade... only to be replaced with two brilliant pools of glistening onyx.

_Just... be careful..._


	5. The Back Burner

**Chapter 5: The Back Burner**

**Bella's POV**

My uncertainties begged to be put to an end. I stood up abruptly, sending the piano bench sliding noisily along the floor behind me. Making a quick dash to the front door, I flung it open and didn't even bother closing it after me as I proceeded to run into the woods in the direction Edward and Jasper had went.

"Edward, wait!" I called blindly into the emerald maze, not knowing if I was too late to catch him. Fallen branches snapped beneath my feet as I scurried clumsily through the forest, and I knew that it was more than likely that I would leave with more than a few scrapes and bruises, but I didn't care. I wanted answers. I needed to be reassured. I didn't believe that Edward would ever hurt me, but I just needed to hear him say the words himself.

"Edward?" I called out more loudly when I heard no reply. Immediately after I called his name a third time, I was responded with a loud fluttering of feathered wings and a deafening cawing behind me, making me whip around toward the noise.

Instead of a crow that I was expecting to see, I found Jasper standing directly before me. Stunned to see him so close, I gasped and tripped over my own feet, landing roughly onto the ground, spraining my wrists in the process as I instinctively held them out to catch my fall. Groaning in pain, I brushed the damp soil from my palms onto my jeans.

"You scared me," I exhaled sharply, looking up at him. He avoided my eyes, looking past me instead, which I didn't find strange since Jasper always seemed on edge around me anyway. However, what did make me uneasy was that he was alone. "Where's Edward?" I asked, rubbing at my aching left wrist.

His jaws tightened together and his unwavering glare remained frozen behind me.

"Jasper?"

Chills ran down my spine as a slow-building growl rolled inside his throat. "Go back to the house," he finally replied, his lips being the only movement that broke his static frame.

I turned to see what he was looking at, and found Edward standing above me. His arms hung down at either side of his body with both fists clenched so tightly together that his knuckles threatened to pierce through his marble skin. Blood stained his parted lips and ruby rivulets dripped down slowly along his chin as if struggling desperately against gravity. And his eyes... they were colored a bright crimson underneath lids that were narrowed into menacing slits.

My own lips parted in shock, but there was only absence of sound. Frozen in fear, I was unable to react. Even blinking became impossible.

"I can't promise you anything, Bella," Edward rasped callously and leaned down to me, forcing my head violently to the side then sank his razor sharp teeth deep into my neck.

I woke with a start at the sound of piano keys being pounded, followed by a cold hand gripping my arm.

"Bella, are you okay?" Alice murmured softly, taking a seat beside me on the piano bench. "You were talking in your sleep."

I had fallen asleep? Looking through the living room window, I was surprised to see that the sky outside had been painted black. A heavy sheet of rain had also begun to fall, rapping noisily against the glass, keeping time with my racing pulse. A sudden aching in my chest made me realize I was holding my breath, so I let it out slowly, struggling to hide the shakiness of it from Alice.

"How long was I out?" I asked, bringing my palm up to rest against the side of my throat. Discreetly swiping my hand over my skin, I fearfully searched for evidence that Edward had actually bitten me. Thankfully, I felt nothing but my quickened pulse fluttering beneath my fingertips. The feeling of Edward's teeth searing through my flesh had felt so real that I was having trouble shaking it off as just a dream.

Alice arched her eyebrows worriedly. "A couple hours," she sighed, wrapping her arm around my shoulder comfortingly, undoubtedly picking up on my thundering heart.

My eyes widened, mainly at the notion that I had managed not to fall off of the piano bench for that long. The sound of voices coming from upstairs suddenly claimed my attention. "Is Edward back?" I inquired hopefully, looking from the ceiling back to Alice.

Her short pixie hair swayed delicately from side to side as she shook her head. "No, that's Emmett and Rosalie talking upstairs. Edward and Jasper still haven't gotten back from hunting. But don't worry, Edward's just fine. They'll be back a bit later," she said, clearly pleased by the fact that she could at least confirm _that_ much of the shady future. Seeing my visible disappointment, Alice put her hand over mine and gave it a little squeeze. "But Carlisle will be back from La Push any second now," she added casually.

My head snapped up as a pang of guilt struck me like a runaway train. How could I have forgotten?!

Jacob.

Before the Voluri had arrived in the clearing, he had been badly injured by a newborn vampire in the battle against Victoria's army; left mangled and broken. Carlisle had assured me earlier that Jacob would heal completely in no time, but I had to see him for myself before I could feel any sort of relief.

Just as Alice predicted, the front door opened a second later and Carlisle stepped into the large foyer, shaking off his large black umbrella. I stood up in anticipation, my mouth opening to speak.

"He's doing just fine," Carlisle assured, giving me a comforting smile before I could even get out my words. He proceeded into the living room after hanging his drenched coat in the closet, giving Esme a repentant shrug as she silently pointed out the puddles he left on the tiles.

"You can go see him now if you like. I'm sure your presence will ameliorate his spirit," Carlisle suggested, running a hand back through his dampened golden locks.

I turned back to Alice, gnawing nervously at my bottom lip as I deliberated. "Edward won't be back for a while, right?"

"You'll be back before he returns," she replied, nodding in emphasis. Carlisle held the keys to his Mercedes out in front of him as Alice rose from the bench. "Come," she said, the keys clinking together as she hooked one finger into the ring. "I'll bring you home so you can get your truck."

-

-

Charlie's police cruiser was not parked in the driveway when Alice dropped me off at home. It was dinnertime, so his absence was a bit curious, but it was a small blessing that I didn't have to face him right away and have to describe my "weekend of shopping with Alice". I hated having to lie to him all the time, but keeping Charlie from knowing about the insane world of supernatural beings was for his own protection. Besides, telling him about a battle between an army of vampires and werewolves would have ensured me a one way trip to the psycho ward. With all that has happened since I had arrived in Forks, sometimes I wondered if I actually was checked in, and these were all just figments of my warped mind. It was definitely the most logical explanation, but also the most painful. How could I continue to exist knowing that Edward wasn't real?

The screen door banging closed against the frame as I walked inside the house snapped me out of my brief moment of contemplation. After flipping on the light switch against the wall, I found the keys to my truck on the kitchen counter and hastily snatched them up. I jotted down a quick note for Charlie, telling him that I was "back from Seattle" and that I was going to Jake's, then left the house again just as quickly as I had arrived.

The porch light at Jacob's house lit as soon as I pulled into the driveway, and the front door swung open half-way even before I made my way out of the truck. Undoubtedly having heard the Chevy's loud engine well before I even pulled onto their property, Billy sat expectantly in his wheelchair beside the open door wearing a grim smile.

"Bella," he greeted in a low voice as I hurried the the front door to get out of the rain. His expression was worn, looking as though he hadn't slept in days. "Jacob's in his room," he added as he wheeled himself backward to make room for me to enter.

I pressed my lips into a thin line. "How is he doing?" I whispered, closing the door behind me.

"He'll be fine." Billy motioned with his head in the direction of Jake's room, urging me to see for myself.

I patted his shoulder softly as I made my way around him, then treaded slowly down the dimly lit hallway to Jacob's bedroom. The door was slightly ajar and my hand was shaking as I used my knuckles to carefully nudge it further open. Even with the light from the hallway, it was still difficult to make out anything in the room. Regardless, I was thankful for the dark veil of night, for I was sure that I would begin to cry if I could properly see the extent of Jacob's injuries.

I could tell that Jacob was asleep by the sound of his deep rhythmic breathing. I stood in the doorway until my eyes adjusted to the darkness, and eventually I could distinguish his body from the other dark shadows. He was laying on his left side facing the wall and I watched as his shoulders rose and fell underneath the blanket with each breath he took.

Taking a step inside the room, I gnawed on my bottom lip as the memory of the last time we were together played in my mind. I had begged him not to fight against the newborn vampires earlier today — tried to make him stay safe by asking him to kiss me. Who knew the significance that simple moment would become, as I realized then the magnitude of my feelings toward him. I loved Jacob, but he could only ever be second place in my life. It wasn't fair to him, and that hurt me more than he could possibly know.

As I was lost in thought, I took another step toward his bed and absently bumped into the dresser which sent a bottle of painkillers crashing to the floor. As it landed, there was a small pop followed by the scattering of dozens of tiny pills that bounced noisily on the wooden floor.

Jacob startled awake and groaned in pain as he raised his head, turning his body toward me. The springs of his mattress complained noisily as he shifted his weight. "Bella?" he said when he saw me, a twinge of pain distorting his face.

"I'm so sorry!" I stammered apologetically, kneeling down to blindly search for the pills that had rolled under the bed.

"Don't worry about it, they don't work anyway," Jake uttered, still sounding half-asleep.

When I raised my head back up I was surprised to see his face inches from mine as he had bent over the mattress to look for me. "Oh!" I gasped, and sat back on my heels, grasping onto the edge of the mattress so I wouldn't fall.

Jake leaned back and laboriously propped himself up so that he was leaning back against the headboard. "Sorry," he muttered, almost sounding annoyed at my reaction.

I ignored his tone and took a seat at the end of the bed and hesitantly scanned over his body as he rubbed the sleep from his eyes with the heels of his hands. Most of his body was still covered by the blanket, but it had slid down some as he had propped himself up, revealing layers of bandages around his torso. I could feel the tears already beginning to well up behind my eyelids, but I blinked them away. I wanted to place a comforting hand on his leg but I was afraid to cause him any further pain, so I folded my hands awkwardly in my lap.

There was silence between us for a short while, save for the hitches in his breaths when it hurt him to inhale.

"How do you feel?" I managed to choke out, forcing a tiny smile.

"Better than Ethan is doing," Jacob scoffed heartlessly.

Stunned by his answer, I paled at his dark humor. "How did you know about that?" I asked as butterflies began fluttering violently in my stomach.

"Sam told me."

I continued to stare at him, confused.

He sighed before he continued to explain. "Carlisle told Sam. He was concerned about the treaty."

My eyes became wide with realization. I had completely overlooked the treaty!

I bolted to my feet, nearly falling on my ass in the process. A couple pills rattled across the floor. "What did Sam say? You're not going after the Cullens are you? Jake, Edward had no choice! He did it to save my life!" I stuttered, my words falling over one another as I started to panic.

Jacob rolled his eyes, otherwise unaffected by my reaction. "Relax, Bella. No one's going after them," he said monotonously. "Carlisle spoke with Sam when he was here checking on me. I guess he wanted him to know all the facts before we discovered the body and came to our own conclusions." Jacob grimaced before he continued. "And considering our alliance in the battle today, Sam decided to overlook the treaty in this instance."

I stared at Jacob incredulously as he simply sat there with his lips pressed lips together, looking rather bored with the subject.

"Wow. That's... pretty major, right?" I asked, sitting back down. I was relieved that Edward didn't have to deal with the added consequences of the treaty on top of his own torment.

Jacob shrugged with indifference. "Apparently we're all best buds now, so why not? You can breathe easy. Your _fiancé_ is safe," he answered bitterly, emphasizing the word.

It wasn't a surprise that my engagement to Edward hurt him, so I chose to disregard the jest. But words failed me. My mouth opened and closed repeatedly as I unsuccessfully attempted to respond. I'm sure I looked like some kind of ridiculous fish because Jacob cocked his eyebrow when he finally looked up at me. He then turned around in bed to face the wall, dismissing me.

I frowned in frustration. "What are you, pouting?" I challenged, irritated with his behavior.

He spun around again quickly ripping the covers off his upper body, revealing more of his bandaged ribs. "Why shouldn't I be?" he spat. "The only reason we weren't around to protect that kid was because your bloodsuckers told us to leave so the Vultures wouldn't see us!"

"Volturi." I corrected.

"Whatever!" Jacob groaned in pain. I remembered Carlisle telling me that his right side had been crushed and I winced as he clutched at his ribs. "A boy is dead and Edward goes scot-free. All is well with the world," Jake continued, muttering through gritted teeth.

"He had no other choice!" I asserted, remembering the look of torment in Edward's eyes as he revealed what he had done in order to save me.

Jacob grimaced, not looking entirely convinced. "Maybe..."

I glared at him furiously. "Oh my God, Jake! What exactly do you think happened?" I deepened my voice to mimic Edward's. "'Beheading a psycho vampire sure made me hungry. I think I'll go abandon Bella and find myself a random boy to snack on. Screw the fact I've sworn off human blood'," I huffed, theatrically waving my hand in dismissal.

Jacob stared at me, bewildered, and suddenly his lip began to tremble. He then combusted in laughter. The sound of it was so confusing and it clashed against our situation.

"Stop laughing!" I demanded, anger flushing heat to my face. "I'm serious. This isn't funny!"

"I'm sorry," he chuckled, unable to suppress his hysteria as I continued glaring at him. He groaned in pain and clutched his ribs again and I found myself fighting to hide the smile that began to creep to my face as well. A small laugh mixed with my anger and for a split second, the tension was alleviated as the familiar comforting smile on Jake's face worked its magic... but only for that split second. Edward's suffering wouldn't allow me to make light of the situation.

Jacob's laughter diminished when he saw that I ultimately wasn't appreciating his humor. His face became serious again, but marginally kinder than earlier. "Alright, alright. I'm sorry."

I glanced at the window, watching the rain patter against the glass. "It wasn't in cold-blood," I said quietly, my voice shaking. "Don't you think Edward feels awful about what he had to do?"

"For your sake, I would sure hope so," Jacob remarked.

I turned back to him and glared disapprovingly.

Jake sighed. "Yeah, alright. I'm sure he does," he replied grudgingly.

My eyes narrowed questioningly at him. "So you don't agree with Sam, is that it? After everything that happened today, you can't give Edward the benefit of the doubt?"

"He _killed_ a boy, Bella," Jacob replied his voice sounding more factual than confrontational. "It doesn't matter if he wanted to or not, he killed him. And we're supposed to overlook that? No, I don't agree with Sam. After the boundaries that have been established for decades, we're just supposed to ignore it and give him a free pass?"

I shook my head and stared at him, not buying his rant. "You know what? I don't think this is about the treaty at all. You'd just love the opportunity to drive Edward away from here, wouldn't you?" I challenged. "Away from _me_," I added pointedly.

Jake shrugged, which frustrated me even further.

He leaned forward from the headboard and reached for my hand, this time bearing his physical discomfort silently. He softened his features into a concerned expression. The warmth of his skin burned against mine. "Look, this is probably eating him up, like you said. You're right, he must be feeling guilty," Jacob said sincerely. "But what if he leaves you again?" He added quietly. I flinched as the pain of when Edward left me last fall echoed in my memories. I kept my eyes downcast. "Or worse... what if he liked it too much and goes after you?"

I snatched my hand away. "Can we please just stop talking about Edward?" I objected, shutting my eyes tightly, wanting the issue to disappear.

Jacob complied with silence.

I let a long breath out through my nose and reluctantly opened my eyes, sensing Jacob was staring at me. The tension in my expression softened when I was met with his somber gaze. It seemed that his emotions hurt him more than what was hidden underneath his bandages.

"Can I just ask one last thing?" Jacob asked, narrowing his eyes at me curiously.

I gnawed nervously at my bottom lip and motioned concededly with my hand for him to proceed.

"How can you be so forgiving of him for killing that boy? How can you not worry that he could do the same to you?"

The answer was simple. "I love him," I said, my voice barely above a whisper.

"You love me too," he murmured. It wasn't a question.

The tension between us was thick and I could practically feel the weight pressing down on my chest as a deafening silence seized the next few moments between us. The rain had eased up and let a sliver of moonlight shine through the space between the curtains. I stared at Jake, intrigued by the way it lit up his dark pools. After a few moments of silence, I nodded once, affirming the recent revelation of my feelings toward him. "Yeah," I admitted, and swallowed hard over the lump that had taken residence in my throat.

"But not enough," Jacob's voice was so low that I wasn't sure he meant for me to hear it... so I pretended that I hadn't.

Clearing my throat, I stood up swiftly. I was definitely not ready to deal with this yet. "Anyway, I just came to make sure you were alright," I said, stuffing my hands into the pockets of my jacket. It only took a couple steps to reach the door of his tiny room. Tears had finally found their way down my cheeks.

"Bells?"

I stopped at the doorway, wiping my face before turning back to him.

"Be safe," he murmured.

I sighed. That wasn't the first time I'd heard _that one_ before.

* * *

**A/N #1: I love feedback so please let me know what you think! It really inspires me to write more :)**

**A/N #2: I know not everyone is a fan of Jake but **_**please**_** refrain from posting the Jake-hating comments. Edward will be back in full swing in the next update so please stay tuned with this story. You won't be sorry :) I got a lot of goodies planned!**


	6. The Caged Demon

**Chapter 6: The Caged Demon**

**Edward's POV**

It was pointless to try and hide my inner conflict from Jasper. There was probably enough tension radiating from me to physically knock him down. Although he had purposely suggested a hunt to help me, I began to feel guilty that Jasper was absorbing what I was putting myself though. If this demon inside of me craved the bitter taste of human blood on its tongue, I couldn't allow it to tempt Jasper as well. Shortly after we had fed, I insisted that he go back to the house without me, and he had obeyed without further discussion.

Crouched on the edge of a rocky gorge, I stared down at the river below, watching the gently falling rain disrupt its surface into a thousand ripples. I'd been perched there for more than an hour, motionless, with my expression twisted by anguish. I was feeling like some kind of damned gargoyle. My mind was restless and cluttered, and I prayed that by remaining still that my thoughts would follow suit, but they only managed to grow darker along with the fading light of day.

Despite my stillness, a sense of vertigo dizzied me. It was as if I were trapped at the center of a balance scale that swung continuously back and forth, like a teeter totter of what should weigh more heavily on my conscience. On one side there was the guilt of killing an innocent boy, and on the other was my unrelenting craving for blood. Human blood. My guilt over Ethan I could understand, but what bothered me about the craving was that I'd managed to resist the urge to feed on humans for decades, so why was this plaguing me so badly now? The drizzle became a downpour, streaking down the bars that trapped me in my prison.

As I deliberated, a brisk gust of wind carried with it something I was hoping to avoid. Ethan's scent hung in the air as if was purposely taunting me; his ghostly cobalt stare boring into mine. Reflexively tensing, I broke my immobility by digging my fingers into the rock. Bits of stone chipped away from beneath my nails and fell from the cliff. The scent of his blood was like acid deteriorating my will. I braced myself as the demon inside me reacted hungrily; snapping its jaws, salivating, swiping its outstretched arm beyond the cage that was my own body. I worried about this encasing. Would it have the strength to keep this monster contained, or would it eventually claw its way out?

Clenching my jaws together, I shut my eyes tightly and forced myself to hold my breath in order to ignore the tempting aroma. My fingers curled into my palms, having completely dug through the rock which crumbled into dust within my grasp. I hated this monster that I was becoming and I was adamant about not letting it get the better of me. What I had done was for Bella, and I needed to concentrate on that.

So I pictured her face. I thought of every line, every curve; every last detail down to her eyelashes and the thin creases in her lips. I thought of the way her soft brown hair felt between my fingers and how her warm lips felt against my cold skin. I thought about the first time I heard her whisper my name in her sleep; the first time my lips met hers; the first time I told her I loved her; and the day I placed the ring on her finger when I asked her to be my bride. Bella provided me with everything that I lacked in my damned existence: Warmth. Life. Purpose. She was the essence of everything pure; of everything that made me happy.

My eyelids parted when I felt a tug at the corners of my lips, and realized that I was smiling. These reminders of my love had whipped the bloodthirsty hellion back toward the farthest corner of its cage. I relaxed my fists and stood upright, raking my fingers back through my drenched hair. Feeding on the buck had helped subdue my immediate hunger, and my irises must have taken on its golden shade by now. The hollow ache in my stomach had ebbed enough to allow me to regain _some_ control over myself. It wasn't gone, only pushed under the rug, but it was good enough for now. I wondered if I would be able to speak with Bella more comfortably now without Alice feeling the need to intervene. I _did_ promise her a talk when I got back, after all.

Suddenly Bella's absence was more painful to me than the burdens that had begun to possess me. I ached to be with her again and I prayed that I would have the strength to keep myself in check. I had to ensure her safety above anything else. I needed to abolish any doubts that I could harm her in any way, and that applied both for her mind as well as my own. But what sort of precautions could I take? Shackles? A straight jacket? Maybe a steel-guarded mask, Hannibal Lector-style? A grimace screwed up my face. It seemed like I didn't trust myself enough after all.

I doubled back to my thoughts about how Alice had been acting around me earlier; weary of my actions, confused about what I was going to do... Maybe she was the answer. She could be one step ahead of me — warn me if I were to ever do something I would later regret. Maybe instead of being defensive toward her, I could swallow my pride and use her warnings to my advantage. And then there was also Jasper who had bestowed his gift onto me for the same reasons. Although I was proud and stubborn, and didn't particularly like my options, it was either ask for help or suffer in silence and risk threatening Bella's safety. Alice and Jasper would most likely intervene anyway, but at least maybe this way I wouldn't feel like it was an ambush.

A low rumble of thunder rolled in the distance and the rain kept pummeling down. With a heavy sigh, I turned from the cliff and began to run back through the darkening forest, ignoring the two crimson eyes that glowed from the shadows of the cage.

-

-

Instead of running directly home, I decided to make a detour to bleed another unsuspecting deer just for good measure. I wasn't particularly hungry for it, but my over-thinking of my dilemma had made me paranoid about my restraint, and it couldn't hurt to take extra precautions. I had managed to drink enough so that I didn't feel I would need sustenance for at least a week.

The sky was pitch black by the time I reached the house and the rain had reduced to a light misting. I was surprised to discover Bella's truck parked in the driveway, but before I had the chance to wonder about it, my eyes were drawn to the front door as it swung open. My tiny sister smiled at me kindly as she held the door open with one hand.

"I'm glad you came to your senses," Alice said, obviously acquainted with my intentions of asking for her help. She lifted her free hand out in front of her, inviting me to take it. "You feeling okay?" she asked as I started walking up the front steps toward her.

Drops of water fell from my hair and rolled down my temples as I shook my head hesitantly from side to side. "I'm not so sure," I whispered honestly. When I reached the top landing, I took her little hand in mine. "Maybe a little... For now." My voice faltered on my last words. I didn't like to admit that I could possibly be a danger to the one I loved. I didn't want to believe it.

Alice gave my hand a little squeeze. I forced a smile and hooked my arm around her shoulder, pulling her body against mine and kissed the top of her head sweetly. "I don't want to hurt her, Alice," I mumbled against her hair.

"I know you don't," she replied softly.

The front door opened a little wider and Jasper appeared from behind it, watching me with a tentative smile. My eyes fixed on him in humbled appreciation.

"Thank you," I said to them both. Jasper nodded once and Alice squeezed at my hand again.

"Bella's in your room," Alice noted.

I released her from my arms and peered down questioningly, embarrassed to form the words I wanted to ask.

"It's okay, Edward. You won't hurt her." She smiled reassuringly and reeled me into the foyer by my wrist. "Go," she encouraged me as Jasper shut the front door behind us. "She's waiting for you."

Apparently Alice was more sure of me than earlier, which was somewhat comforting. I gave her a small nod and she grinned again before turning to leave. After kissing Jasper on the cheek, she sauntered away, her heels clicking confidently against the tiles beneath her.

I was happy with my decision to enlist in my siblings' support. I was already feeling more at ease with myself. Of course, due to my erratic behavior during the hunt earlier, I was under suspicion to believe that what I was feeling was entirely fabricated.

Looking to Jasper, my theory was confirmed. My ability to read it in his thoughts wasn't even necessary; my proof was plastered all over his face. Even though I willingly sought his help, he still felt guilty for essentially putting a leash on my demeanor.

He lowered his eyes from mine and started to walk after Alice when I stopped him, placing my hand around his arm. "Hey, I'm sorry about earlier — the thing with the deer. I... wasn't myself," I explained, hoping to clear the air between us.

Jasper frowned and shook his head slowly before meeting my gaze, looking as if he was trying to formulate the proper words to relay his thoughts. "You don't have to explain yourself, Edward," he sighed. "But just know... I don't mean to make you feel like you're unable to control yourself. Alice told me this is what you would want. My intention for helping you is _not_ because I believe that you are weak," he uttered sincerely.

"Thank you, Jasper. I appreciate that." I replied.

If only I could hold as much confidence in myself as my brother and sister had for me.

He disappeared into the next room and I was left to my own, still effected by his empathy. But it didn't bother me. I needed to be in control of myself, and at this point it didn't matter to me how it was achieved. Alice and Jasper were all the insurance I needed for now, at least until I could get a better understanding of myself.

My attention was drawn toward the floor above me when I heard a wistful sigh escape past Bella's lips. She was waiting for me. I walked the short distance to the staircase then paused on the first step. As eager as I was to see her, I couldn't completely shake off the nervousness that claimed me, even through Jasper's hold. I knew that the only thing that would absolutely guarantee her safety would be my absence, but I made the mistake of leaving her once and I wouldn't doom myself to repeat it. I had learned my lesson. Leaving her was not an option — not unless she cast me away. I had made that promise to her and I would never break it.

So, I had to stay strong... for her.

I lifted my eyes up to the top of the staircase and resumed my climb.

It was time to face her.

-

-

**Bella's POV**

Holding Carlisle's black umbrella awkwardly over my head, I struggled with my other hand to open the passenger side door of my truck while simultaneously carrying a large plastic garbage bag. It contained all of Edward's blood-stained clothing which I planned to take home with me and dispose of later. The last thing Edward needed was to be greeted with the scent of Ethan's blood when he came back to his room; to be reminded of the horror he was forced to carry out. I wanted to do whatever I could to help alleviate as much of his torment as possible.

Once I finally managed to open the door, I flung the bag onto the floor mat and slammed the heavy door shut once again, trapping the evidence inside. Taking care not to trip over my own feet as I climbed the front steps, I hurried back inside, making my way back upstairs to Edward's room to await his return. Unsure what to do with myself, I sat on the floor and leaned back against the side of the bed, pulling my knees up against my chest.

It was very quiet in the Cullen household, almost as if I was the only one within its walls. Even the misting of rain was too light to make any noise against the windows to distract me from my racing mind. I began to fidget, picking at a loose thread in the fabric of my jeans until it caused a small hole in the seam. My thoughts quickly became deafening inside the encompassing silence. One thing in particular bothered me more than anything — The warning that I got from both Alice and Jacob: _Just be careful... Be safe._

I frowned and shook my head at the collective advice, scratching harder against the shorn seams of my jeans. I wasn't surprised to hear it from Jake, but for Alice, with all her pre-cognitive abilities, to tell me that Edward could harm me was still quite unsettling, even though I refused to believe it.

No. She had to be wrong. Edward's ultimate decision would _always_ be to protect me, I resolved adamantly. Always.

My heart suddenly felt as if it was crumbling within the confines of my chest. I sighed heavily as I yearned for Edward to be in my arms again.

It was only a few short moments later that my desire was finally granted. If I wasn't facing the bedroom door however, I would have never noticed that Edward had appeared. His footfalls had been completely silent. I stood immediately as he paused in the doorway.

"Hi," I greeted simply, curiously scanning him in an attempt to get a read on his demeanor.

His eyes had returned to their golden shade again but his expression was unreadable. I smiled hesitantly as I wondered what was going through his mind.

Edward inhaled a slow deep breath before taking a step in my direction. Whether it was to compose himself or simply to breathe the flavor of the air around me, I chose to ignore. In three strides he was directly before me. Wordlessly wrapping his arms around to my back, Edward reeled me against his chest in a tight embrace. My own arms lifted automatically to rest on top of his shoulders, and in that moment, all my qualms vanished as the comforting action soothed me and confirmed my trust in him. This was no act of a man that was to be feared.

His cheek was pressing against my temple and I thought I heard him whispering something, but his words were too low for me to hear. Before I could speak, he tilted my face to his and molded his cool lips tenderly against mine.

The action caught me by surprise. He kissed me with a quiet desperation; slowly yet achingly. I moved my hands from his shoulders to his face, lightly touching the edge of his jaws with my fingertips, feeling their light movements as his mouth opened and closed repeatedly around my bottom lip.

Although we were connected for only a moment, I was still breathless when he pulled away. The sound of my light panting was the only noise that broke the silence between us.

After a few short moments, Edward looked down between our bodies. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to make you wet," he murmured apologetically.

I blinked. It took my mind a second to recover until I realized that his clothes had been drenched by the rain, dampening the front of my own shirt as we were pressed together. "It's fine," I replied breathily, an awkward smile pulling at my lips.

"I just really needed to hold you. I needed to know..." he trailed off, keeping his eyes downcast.

"Edward?" I implored, searching for his gaze.

He held me out to arms length and sighed. "I needed to know if you'd still _let_ me hold you," he revealed. His expression pained as though the words had physically hurt as he spoke them.

My eyebrows fell into a saddened arch. Instead of replying I took a fistful of the front of his soaked t-shirt and pulled him back against me. Hanging both my arms around his neck, I lifted myself onto my toes so I could lay my lips next to his ear. "Edward Cullen, don't you _ever_ think differently. I love you. No matter what happens, I will love you. Forever." And I sealed my words with a lingering kiss to his cheek.

A small smile played at the corner of his lips. "That's good to hear," he said, but conviction lacked somewhat in his tone. I knew it was probably because he was just tense about everything that had happened, so I decided to disregard it and just place a second kiss at the line of his jaw instead.

He gently stroked the back of my head before pulling away from me again. "Let me get into some dry clothes."

I nodded and sat down on the edge of the bed directly behind me.

Edward then turned his back to me to head toward his closet, reaching both his arms back over his shoulders. After pulling his wet t-shirt up and over his head, he dropped it from his hands. It fell heavily, making a wet slopping sound as it met the floor.

The impact of the mere vision of him being half-naked hit me just as heavily. The sight of him in his state of undress never failed to impress me, though I'd only seen him this way a small handful of times. My eyes were drawn to the bare skin of his back like magnets. I forged a slow path with my eyes upward over the groove along the column of his spine, then wandered them meticulously across the top of his shoulders, admiring his strong, sturdy frame and shapely arms that hung down at each side. Considering our situation, I couldn't help but feel a tad guilty about enjoying myself by letting my eyes wander over his statuesque build, but I was caught in a trance; hypnotized by this perfect image of strength and virility.

His unmistakable powerful build wrapped in satin-smooth white skin was an enigma that excited me. I licked over my bottom lip, momentarily dazzled by his lithe movements as he simply walked across to the other end of his bedroom. The uncertainty in his demeanor was absent in his gait as he moved with an animalistic grace. I was almost disappointed that his closet wasn't further away. His pale skin glistened with the thin sheen of moisture that lightly coated it, and I watched with intrigue at the unconscious movement of the sinewy muscle that surrounded his right shoulder blade as he reached inside his closet. He pulled a grey full-zip hooded sweatshirt from a hanger and slipped his left arm inside the sleeve, spinning around to face me as he proceeded to insert his right arm in the other.

My breath caught in my throat and I stared at his bare chest beneath the sweatshirt which he had left unfastened. My gaze travelled up the front of his stone physique that was carved straight from female fantasy. He was so beautiful. From his tapered waist, his hard stomach and up to the smooth planes of his marble chest, I couldn't pull my eyes from him. Their journey ended at the little shadow in the hollow at the base of his throat, lingering there until I noticed that he had become completely motionless.

My eyes snapped upward to his and embarrassment by being caught staring caused a blush that swiftly warmed my cheeks.

Edward seemed oddly distressed. "What's wrong?" he asked, his fists clenching together tightly.

I frowned at the strange question, looking curiously at his balled fists. "What do you mean? Nothing. Why?" My words expelled too quickly, still flustered by being caught in my selfish enjoyment.

"Your heart. It's racing a mile a minute."

I raised my head a fraction of an inch in reaction to the bizarre sound in his voice. Was he speaking through gnashed teeth? I bit my lip and failed to resist another quick glance at his bare chest before peering questioningly into his narrowed golden stare.

It was all the response Edward needed. In a blindingly fast, disconcerting movement, he joined the zipper in front of his sweatshirt and pulled it upward to cover himself from my view. In another swift motion he was on the opposite end of the room again, taking a pair of dry jeans and boxer shorts in his grasp. He avoided my eyes and walked at human pace to his door. "I'll be right back," he uttered to me over his shoulder, and disappeared down the hallway.

I was left staring at the empty space in the doorway with a stupefied expression on my face, wondering what the hell had just happened.

* * *

**A/N: Comments = love! Please leave one!**

**_Many thanks to Bratty-Vamp. Topless Edward would not have been the same without your help :)_**


	7. Dark Angel

**Chapter 7: Dark Angel**

**Edward's POV**

The instant that Bella's pulse picked up its pace, I realized that Jasper's influence over me was not as strong as I had hoped it to be. My unconscious reaction to its change in tempo left me stunned as it had managed to break through the calming barrier that was meant to restrain me. The intense rush of her blood coursing through her body, raising her temperature a fraction of degree was sufficient enough to cause a sudden flow of venom in my mouth. It wasn't much, but it was enough to coat my tongue with its unwanted bitter flavor, spurring my subconscious nature to act on its impulse to feed.

Though the urge was merely a whispered suggestion, I couldn't risk ignoring even the slightest hint of a threatening response within me. I locked my jaws together preventatively and swallowed the acidic fluid, defying the compulsion.

The lingering taste of it in the back of my mouth angered me. Not since the first time I met Bella did I have such little control over this kind of reaction in me. Since we had been together I had been able to resist my natural instinct around her, and now it was like I was back at square one.

The bathroom at the end of the hallway served as a quick refuge as I tightened my metaphoric shackles. It frustrated me that I needed to walk away from Bella, especially when I had managed to remind myself that she was the one thing that justified my existence. I refused to crumble due to the sound of my love's heart. It was the most beautiful sound in the world to me, but now I was petrified that the fluttering of her heart would become my doom as much as it served as my saving grace. Bella was my angel, but with black wings.

I slipped out of my wet jeans and tossed them into the bathtub. After pulling on the dry pair, I glared at myself in the mirror over the sink, gripping onto the edge of the bathroom counter with both hands, and wondered how Bella could still be attracted to this... _killer_. She would love me, _'no matter what happens'_, she had said. I really wanted to believe her, but the lengths to which I would go to in order to make sure that she remained safe scared even myself. I would gladly suffer the guilt of slaying a thousand innocent lives if it meant preventing her doom, but I couldn't tell for sure where the limits of her understanding and acceptance would peak. I hoped I never had to find out. But as long as it kept her alive, I would paint my soul black, if I even _had_ one left to destroy.

A popping sound broke my train of thought, and I looked down to realize that I had caused the ceramic tiling to crack beneath my grasp. Releasing my grip, I brushed the dust from my hands on the sides of my pant legs and walked back into the hallway, pausing just outside the bathroom door.

I listened for warnings from Alice; waited to see if my entire family would rush upstairs to restrain me from attacking Bella... but nothing of the sort occurred. My insecurities were apparently the only thing stopping me from walking back into my room. However, I needed to know for sure... I shut my eyes and dared to search for the crimson glare inside of me. Maybe it was Jasper's doing, but I suddenly felt nothing but an odd calmness; saw nothing but black.

The monster was sleeping.

Parting my eyelids again, I stared at my open door at the end of the hallway. The heartbeat inside that had begun to torture me had finally returned to its slow and steady rhythm. Throwing the hood of my sweatshirt over my head, I slowly headed back toward to my bedroom. I didn't want to run from Bella anymore, but I needed to figure out how to keep her safe, yet keep her in my arms at the same time.

I needed to tell her, everything, and depending on how she would take it, perhaps she would determine the solution for me.

-

-

**Bella's POV**

Edward returned a few minutes later with his hood pulled over the top of his head and his arms folded protectively in front of his chest. It was quite clear that he didn't want me staring at his body. I frowned at his strange body language. That, and the sight of his head covered in a hood made me uneasy. I'd seen enough cloaked creatures for the day. I peered at him questioningly and decided to wait for him to initiate the conversation, hopefully with the explanation of why he had stormed out of the room earlier.

He immediately took a seat on the floor beside me, close enough so that our shoulders were touching, for which I was thankful for. Pulling his knees into his chest like I had mine, Edward dangled his arms over his knees, crossed his wrists over one another, and interlocked his fingers. Slowly turning his head toward me, the amber eyes that peeked out from beneath his hood were full of doubt, and I held my breath as he continued to stare, seemingly studying my face for a reason unknown to me.

I self-consciously tucked my bottom lip under my teeth which finally caused him to blink, and I strangely felt ashamed that I caused a disturbance to break his encapsulating gaze.

"Are you afraid of me, Bella?" he asked suddenly, worry heavy in his voice.

I frowned and shook my head. "Of course not." My held breath rushed out as I replied and I hoped that it didn't make me sound dishonest. Sliding my right foot underneath my left leg, I turned my body toward his and reassuringly placed my hand on top of his left arm.

Edward pressed his lips into a thin line and lowered his eyes to my touch. "Well, I think I am afraid of _you_," he whispered almost too low for me to hear.

Surprised at his confession, I began to retract my hand but he quickly placed his own over mine, stilling it against him in a firm icy grasp. "No, don't let go," he requested softly, his eyes meeting mine again. "Just let me explain, okay?"

I nodded, intrigued by how the tense muscles in his jaw contradicted the softness of his tone. I watched his expression change as his thoughts visibly played out in his mind before he began to reveal them to me. My breath found itself trapped again as I waited in anticipation.

"I am afraid of this..." he said, cautiously slipping his fingers underneath my hand to the inside of my wrist. "...your pulse." I could feel my heartbeat begin to quicken as if his touch flipped a switch. My eyes flitted to his jawline again as I noticed it clench in response. He eased his grip and gently placed my hand back into my own lap as I watched curiously.

"Why?" It came out as a whisper. I cleared my throat before I continued, though my voice was only a touch louder than before. "Edward, what's going on with you?" I searched for the answers in his somber gaze, wishing for a way for me to understand without having him explain, as the words he spoke clearly caused him pain.

He slowly lowered his hood back behind him and combed his fingers through his damp copper hair. "I'm going to tell you everything. _Everything_," he repeated the word with deliberate emphasis, causing the tiny hairs on my arms to stand on end. "As difficult as it is for me to say, you need to know."

I nodded, urging him to continue. My words kept themselves muted behind my lips.

"Did Alice tell you anything about what happened with... Ethan?" he asked, hesitant to say the name of the boy.

"No," I replied softly. I didn't know any of the details, just that Edward had killed this boy in order to have my life spared. And that there was blood. Lots of blood. I shivered, thinking of the stained clothes that I had hidden in my truck, wondering for the first time how they had gotten that way. For Edward's sake, I tried to will my heart to slow its furious hammering. Whatever the reason was for his discomfort regarding it would be revealed shortly.

"Ethan was at the campsite today when I killed Victoria," Edward began, his voice low and monotonous. "He saw everything that no humans should be aware of, and Jane found out about him before I could help him get away. She wanted to have her fun, so she insisted that I... take care of him. If I refused, _your_ life would have been ended in his place. My decision was simple," he explained, wrapping up what happened with the basic facts.

_Jane. _I shuddered at the mention of the name and couldn't help but assume how she must have went about insisting her demands upon Edward. The memories of her using her unique abilities to torture him in Volterra still had yet to fade in my mind. I felt ill.

Edward paused, staring at the wall in front of him with a far-off look as if he was watching what had happened take place again before his eyes. My forehead crinkled as my thoughts began to race with the possibilities of how exactly he had 'taken care' of Ethan, but I didn't dare interrupt him to find out. I assumed that he hadn't been forced to feast on the blood of that poor boy, otherwise his eyes would have been red if that were the case. When I saw him in the clearing they had been dark with no discernible pupils. Jet black... and hungry.

Resting his arms on his knees again, Edward cradled his elbows in his palms, keeping his eyes averted from mine. I licked my lips nervously as I waited for him to continue.

"I wanted it to be quick. I thought, if I just bit deep enough he would die fairly quickly, but the second his blood washed over my tongue... I wasn't prepared for the reaction that I would actually... enjoy... the taste," He admitted as he recalled what happened. "The urge to swallow was so primal, and I was so horrified with my instincts that I made myself pull away from him. And because I did, the wound bled out slowly, and he was suffering — gasping for air, choking and coughing on the blood in his throat..."

I couldn't help it as my eyes widened at the vivid imagery he painted, surprised that he managed to get himself to describe what happened with so much detail. I realized that he _needed_ me to know exactly what happened. He needed to confess as much as he needed to be honest with me, and I couldn't help but feel like he was searching for my judgement.

"Then that sadistic bitch had the nerve to laugh!" he continued, speaking angrily through gritted teeth. "I was already giving her what she wanted by killing him, I didn't want her to enjoy the added fact that he was suffering in my arms..."

He sighed loudly and became silent again for a few moments, leaving me in suspense. His expression reverted to an emotionless state and his entire body became very still. I was afraid to breathe.

"I can still hear the snap from when I broke his neck," he uttered suddenly, his ghostly stare locked ahead of him.

His abrupt confession stole what was left of my breath.

His head turned toward me just a fraction of an inch before his eyes followed it to meet mine.

I only realized the tear that had fallen from the corner of my eye when the thin hot stream burned my cheek as it rolled down my face. "I'm so sorry, Edward." I whispered, my heart aching for what he had been forced to carry out. Even knowing the horrid details, fear was not among the emotions running through me.

"I did it for you, Bella," he justified.

"I know, and I'm so sorry that you had to do that."

He frowned like what I had said upset him. "_I'm _not!" he said ardently. "Not for the reason that it was to save you," he added.

He turned his body to face me and looked intently into my eyes, wiping the wet streak on my cheek with the palm of his right hand then held my chin gently between his thumb and forefinger. "I need you to know that you're the most important thing in my life and I would do _anything_ to protect you. If I have to kill a _thousand_ people to keep you safe... then I will."

I nodded in understanding. "I love you, Edward," I said, hoping the declaration would convey that I could never fear him or think less of him for what he had done. I then leaned forward automatically to press my lips against his. I felt his body retreat slightly at first. He submitted and tentatively kissed me back, but I could tell that something was off. Something wasn't right.

Edward understandingly had always insisted that our physical affection not get too carried away, but the way we just kissed did not justify his initial reaction. In fact, the way he had kissed me earlier when he had greeted me had been more heated than this chaste display of my love. I pulled my head back to look at him, my focus darting back and forth questioningly between each of his liquid-topaz-colored eyes.

"There's more, isn't there?" I implored, realizing that what he told me still did not explain why he was afraid of my pulse.

Edward's cool touch slid slowly off my chin and he nodded, looking as though he were fighting with himself whether or not to reveal any further details. He dropped his knee to the ground and raised himself up on both feet, standing to his full height. I had to crane my neck to keep eye-contact with him. Licking his lips, he looked down at me and nodded once.

"Yes, there is."

"Alice said that I should be careful around you," I offered, assuming that Edward would have known.

"You should be," Edward agreed.

I huffed and stood up as well. "Why? You _wouldn't_ hurt me! You know this too, right?" I refuted, unable to suppress my annoyance at the fact that I was clearly the only one with any faith in his restraint.

Edward's fists clenched tightly at his sides for a moment, then relaxed. "I know I wouldn't. Never. But the truth, Bella, is that I'm _not_ myself," he replied, and turned from me. He began pacing in his bedroom as I silently watched him, unsure of how to respond to his statement. He stopped beside his window, looking outward. With the lights turned on in his bedroom, it looked like a mirror casting his reflection back directly in front of him.

"I think something happened to me," Edward said ominously, watching me through the reflection in the window.

The ice in his tone sent chills down my spine. "What do you mean?" I asked, my gaze darting between both Edwards.

He turned his head to look directly at me again, his eyes growing sad as he silently deliberated for a short moment before he began to explain.

"There's something inside of me. Something dark; evil. It's always been there, I suppose. It makes us who we are; vampires, I mean," he clarified. "By drinking animal blood, we keep that part of ourselves tamed. Think of me like a monster on a leash."

I grimaced at the analogy. I hated when he referred to himself as a monster.

Edward ignored my reaction and continued his explanation. "I think tasting Ethan's blood spilled acid on the chain and I'm scared to death that it will eventually eat its way completely through it. Jasper could sense it right away and that's why he took me hunting. Bella, you can't fathom how much it scares me to know that I could possibly lose control and hurt you. If that happened, and you were anywhere near me…"

He stared at me trying to gage my reaction, though I wasn't sure what was being displayed on my face.

"All I can think of, is blood," Edward uttered, pain apparent in each of the words he spoke. He slowly started walking back toward me, his eyes despondent and unthreatening. I watched him curiously as he approached me, realizing how hard it must be for him to voice his confession. It seemed as though he thought I might cower from him by the way he carefully reached out for my hand, but I lifted it willingly toward him. Turning my palm face-up, he lightly stroked the inside of my wrist with the pad of his thumb, and I watched, unafraid, as he studied it. "That's why this scares me," he whispered as my pulse quivered beneath his touch.

I placed my free hand over his to envelope it between both of mine and he looked up from my wrist to meet my gaze. "Edward, you've craved my blood since the day we first met," I countered stubbornly. "You and I both know that you _can_ control yourself."

The lines on Edward's forehead deepened as a growing frown disrupted his beautiful face. His disposition quickly shifted from helplessness to determination, and he pulled his hand out from between mine. "Any concerns I felt back then about putting you in danger by my mere presence is nothing... _nothing_... compared to the very real threat I am to you now," he replied sternly.

I looked at him skeptically, wondering why he would even risk standing in front of me at all if that were the case. He must have had _some_ faith in himself, and that reassured me.

"You seem fine _now_," I noted softly and tucked a strand of my hair behind my ear.

"Well, that's because I butchered half of herd of white-tails," Edward laughed humorlessly.

I wasn't sure whether or not he meant that literally but I decided not to ask.

"I've also asked Jasper to keep me calm around you," he said quietly, seemingly embarrassed by his confession. "And Alice... she'll keep one step ahead of me... to make sure I don't..." He trailed off with a deep sigh, then brushed my hair back off my shoulder and cupped the back of my neck in his palm. "I love you so much, Bella, and I'm hoping that my love for you helps keep me strong. You're the reason I'm fighting so hard; I don't know what I would do if you weren't in my life," he said lovingly, his voice smooth and comforting.

I joined my arms behind his lower back and gave a little smile.

"And just incase I may have given you the wrong impression, I don't intend to leave you," he added. "I made you a promise and I am going to stick to it. But I am going to do what I can to make sure you're safe, which is why I asked Alice and Jasper to help me."

Lowering his face down to mine, he hovered his lips just millimeters from my own and threaded his fingers through the hair at the base of my neck. "I could _never_ keep myself away from you."

He sealed his words with another tentative kiss, pulling away before I had the chance to attempt deepening it. I looked at him sadly, not for lack of faith in him, but for the apparent pain that he was suffering. I wished that I could do something more productive to help him as well. He must have been really worried about his restraint if he managed to swallow his pride and ask Alice and Jasper for help. I remembered Alice's warnings and how both her and Jasper had watched him intently before leaving for their hunt. They knew immediately that something was wrong with Edward and were already taking action before he had even asked for their help. It relieved yet saddened me at the same time to have them watching over him like babysitters. I believed Edward was capable of overcoming himself, but I supposed there wasn't any harm in having the added insurance of a future-teller and a vampire sedative.

"We'll get through this," I said, raising my arms around his neck, I hugged Edward close, pressing my cheek to the side of his neck. "And just remember that I love you. No matter what happens. Forever."

I closed my eyes believing in my words, and hoped that despite the way Edward's body tensed as I said it, that he did too.

-

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	8. Countdown

**Chapter 8: Countdown**

**Edward's POV**

After our talk, Bella rested in my arms atop my bed and we simply absorbed the silence around us. It was a soothing contrast to the craziness of the day. I could see the Sol Duc river below beyond my window from the bed. In a rare occurrence, the clouds had totally vanished from the sky and allowed the light of the full moon to throw diamonds off the surface of the water. However, its brilliance was not even comparable to the sparkle of Bella's eyes.

I made myself concentrate on everything I loved about her; anything and everything to distract me from the soft rhythmic thrumming that vibrated against my chest as I held her body to mine. Her eyes, her smile, the silly way she would chew on her lower lip when she felt nervous... Eventually the sound of her steady pulse had actually become oddly soothing to me, and if I could sleep it would have lulled me into a peaceful slumber.

Her breathing had become deep and even, and I turned my head back toward her to realize that she had fallen asleep. I marveled at the fact that she was comfortable enough in my arms to allow sleep to claim her. The confidence she had in me seemed to be limitless. Knowing that Bella was now aware of all the horrible details, and that she still loved and trusted in me, alleviated at least some of my stress. I was fortunate to have her and my siblings' support, however, I wish I knew how to rid myself of the shadow that had slowly begun to dilute my conscience.

I stroked the hair that rested along the side of Bella's face, brushing the back of my fingers lightly down along her soft warm cheek. She stirred in response to my touch, letting out a soft breath that hummed with questioning.

"What time is it?" she uttered automatically, her voice coated with drowsiness. Her fingers tightened around the front of my sweatshirt and she buried her head underneath my chin.

"Almost ten," I whispered after glancing at the clock on the wall across the room. "Bella, you should probably get back to Charlie before he starts to worry about how long you've been gone," I suggested, suddenly remembering that he was under the false impression that Alice had taken Bella on a weekend shopping trip to Seattle.

With a heavy sigh, Bella sat upright on the bed. "Yeah, you're probably right," she answered mechanically.

"Are you alright to drive? Would you like me to take you home?" I asked, concerned about the sleep she was grinding out of her eyes.

"No, it's alright. I'll be fine," she replied strangely quick and suddenly sober. I disregarded her odd response and sat up on the bed myself. Bella ran both her hands back through her hair and fussed with her bed-messed long tresses until she had it neatly tied back into a ponytail. My gaze was drawn to the side of her neck and lingered there until she lowered her arms back down again.

"Are you okay?" she asked with a concerned smile. She was unaware that I was staring.

I kissed her forehead and nodded. "I'm fine, love."

"Will I see you later tonight?"

It was an automatic question, but I could tell by the look on her face immediately after she asked that she knew what I would answer. Spending the night in her bed with her as she slept was a common nightly ritual, but without Jasper and Alice around I couldn't trust in myself yet to keep her safe. Or even Charlie for that matter. Why risk the possibility when I was so completely unsure of what I was capable of? I wasn't myself, and even though she seemed to trust in me, even Bella realized this.

"It's probably not the best idea," I whispered, and she nodded reluctantly in understanding.

Wrapping her arms behind my neck, she reeled me close and lightly kissed my cheek. "It's going to be alright, Edward. I love you. We'll talk tomorrow, okay?"

"Tomorrow," I confirmed, wondering if the clearing skies were symbolic of what was to come.

She left me alone up in my room and I listened until the sound of her old truck faded into the distance. Jasper was listening as well, for the instant the sound of tires rolling over pavement and loose stones vanished, so did his empathic hold over me. It was like being punched in the gut as the full extent of my anxiety crashed back upon me. Feeling the extreme difference of emotion from one moment to the next like that made me realize just how strong my conflicting emotions actually were. It was unsettling to say the least, and I was more thankful than ever to have been able to protect Bella from my raw self with the help of my brother's ability.

I clenched my jaws, hating this feeling inside myself. How long would I have to endure this ambivalence? Would it simply fade over time or was the solution more complicated than simply waiting it out? I had been knocked completely off kilter and I needed to figure out how to regain my balance.

I didn't want to analyze anymore. My mind begged for a break from the chaos. I went downstairs to escape in the manner which had always served me best in the past: Music. Aside from Bella, this was the one thing that allowed me to escape reality and become lost in a world where only beauty existed. There was no anguish as I danced my fingers along the smooth ivory keys of my grand piano; no troubling thoughts, no torment... only peace. So, I sat there and played with my eyes shut, letting the music I created carry me far away. Beethoven, Mozart, Chopin... I ran through the endless library in my mind. When I neared the end of a song, I bled immediately into another, leaving no chance for silence to break me out of my spell.

In the middle of Debussy's _Clair de Lune_, the feeling of my sister's presence caused my fingers to pause over the depressed keys, and I opened my eyes. The sustained notes hung questioningly in the air until she made herself visibly known to me, peeking out shyly from around the corner. I set my hands in my lap.

"Sorry, I didn't mean to interrupt," Alice apologized and started walking over to me.

She fiddled with the material on the side of her dress, twisting it between her fingers; a useless nervous habit she must have picked up from Bella. The unnecessary action humored me, as if she was doing it on purpose; a subtle attempt at distracting me from reality. Or perhaps it was nothing, and I was just getting accustomed to scrutinizing everything around me.

"No, it's fine," I said.

Taking a seat beside me on the piano bench, Alice scooted over until she was pressed up against my side, then slipped her small arm around my waist. Resting her head on my shoulder, she gave me a light hug.

_How are you doing?_ She wondered.

I slipped my right arm out from between us and placed it around her shoulders as well, holding her to myself.

"I'm trying to determine the answer to that myself," I replied, and kissed the side of her head. "We talked. I told her everything..." I shook my head and smiled with the corner of my mouth at the memory of how supportive Bella had been considering the dreadful situation. "She's amazing," I added, knowing Alice didn't need for me to explain everything. She had undoubtedly already known all that had transpired between Bella and I.

"She is," Alice agreed. "You're very fortunate to have her."

I sighed, disheartened, realizing I could lose my whole world in just a blink of an eye... and it terrified me.

"There's another way to keep her safe, you know," Alice spoke carefully.

I removed my arm from her side and shook my head, unwilling to consider what she was silently suggesting. Bella would be turned, but no sooner than we had originally planned. I certainly didn't want to turn her out of protection from myself. When the time came, it would be because it was right, not because it was needed. Her transformation would be a choice of love and not one of desperation.

"No..."

"It may be the best solu—"

"I said no!" I ground out, growing tense again. I stood up swiftly beside the bench and looked down at my sister with fevered determination. "Not like this! Not because we _need_ to, Alice. I won't have it!"

"Alright, okay. I'm sorry," Alice relented quickly. "It was just a suggestion."

She held her tiny hand out toward me, inviting me to sit back down again. I stared at it sadly, wondering if my future was already doomed. Why would Alice advise turning Bella unless she knew that I would ultimately hurt her? Could I already be making these unimaginable decisions without even being aware of them?

_Edward, please sit. I'm sorry._

I denied her hand, but quietly returned to my seat beside her. I lowered the fallboard over the keys then leaned forward to set my elbows on top of the slick black surface. Resting my forehead on the heels of my palms, I closed my eyes in defeat.

"I don't trust myself," I admitted reluctantly after a few moments of uncomfortable silence. I was unable to look her in the eye as I said the words. It shattered me to know I alone couldn't keep my love safe. I felt Alice slide her arm over my shoulder in a comforting gesture. "Just don't let me hurt her, Alice. Please. Help me keep her safe." My voice shook with desperation.

"I will. _We_ will. Promise."

Lifting my head out of my hands, I turned to face her and nodded in appreciation. _We._ I frowned curiously, realizing that the other member of the collective statement was absent from the house. "Where is Jasper?"

"He went out for a quick hunt."

"Again?"

She shrugged. "I guess he didn't have enough. He left pretty quickly right after Bella went home."

"Oh..." I was going to further question the situation but Alice abruptly uncovered the keyboard again then grasped my wrists in each of her hands. I looked at her quizzically as she lowered my fingers onto the keys, strategically placing them on what she thought may be the correct notes to begin a song. I couldn't help but smile at the atrocity her selected notes played in my mind.

"Now, play. Create your beauty," she grinned, looking at me expectantly.

I raised an eyebrow and pressed my fingers down on the keys she had chosen for me. The God-awful noise that resounded made her cringe so dramatically it actually made me laugh.

"Okay, maybe you should pick your own notes. But make it something cheery, okay?" she laughed with me.

I smiled at the warmth my sister bestowed onto me, then moved my hands over to the proper keys and began to play Verdi's _La Traviata_.

Standing up, she waved her index finger around like a conductor and spun in a little pirouette. "Much better," she sang, reeling in another laugh. The action felt foreign to me, feeling as if I hadn't felt joy in years.

I paused after a few bars and smiled at her wholeheartedly.

"Thanks, Alice."

-

-

**Bella's POV**

Charlie's cruiser was still missing when I arrived back home for the second time that night. I realized as I pulled into the driveway that I was not able to recall much of the drive back. My mind had been elsewhere the entire time. Instead of going inside the house right away, I sat in my truck and listened to the faint clicks and pops of the engine as it began to cool. After the insanity of the day, I was compelled to just sit here and absorb as much quietness and peace as I could. Hanging my hands off the bottom of the steering wheel, I stared ahead unseeingly and concentrated on being still. The inaction was therapeutic.

The windshield was virtually fully covered with condensation before I moved again. I looked over at the black trash bag resting on the passenger side floor mat and a pang of anxiety shot through me. I needed to get rid of it as soon as possible, but without knowing when Charlie would be getting home put me at risk of getting caught in the act. It would be best to wait for him to leave for work in the morning, then take it out to burn once he was gone.

I pulled out a blanket that I kept under the passenger seat and covered the garbage bag with it. I stared at the fairly inconspicuous mound for a moment, then nervously readjusted the blanket to make sure the bag underneath was in fact completely hidden from plain sight. After double-checking to make sure the doors were locked, I scurried inside the empty house. Morning could not come quickly enough.

The note I had left for Charlie was still laying on the counter, untouched and unseen. There was no evidence to suggest that Charlie had been home since I was here last. I picked it up, crumpling it in my palm, and made my way upstairs to my bedroom.

After flipping on the light, I climbed on top of my bed and sat cross-legged on the mattress, hugging my pillow against my chest. The faint scent of vanilla and Tide detergent filled the air around me. My world had always felt so regular up here. Items of my childhood were scattered around the room — old drawings, little ceramic figurines — all serving to remind me of a simpler time, when the only monsters around were the imaginary ones that lived underneath my bed. But now things were different, and I was caught up in a different kind of world, where the monsters had red eyes and white skin, sharp teeth and a thirst for human blood. They had ordinary names like Victoria and Jane; pleasant names really, if you stopped to think about them. But there was nothing ordinary or pleasant about monsters that wanted you dead.

Edward claimed to be one of these monsters.

There was nothing more ridiculous to me than this claim. Sure, he possessed most of the same innate qualities, but it was more than simply the different hue of his irises that swayed me from conviction. Edward loved me. There was love and kindness in his heart. He strove to protect me, even wanting that protection to be from himself. Someone that displayed such selflessness, virtuosity, and completely devotion could never be a monster.

I bent my head forward, groaning as I buried my face into the soft cotton fabric of the pillowcase. My head was pounding. So much had happened in the last twenty-four hours, it would be a wonder if I could ever get a handle on it. I prayed that nothing else would add to the mayhem before the day was officially through.

I glanced at the clock on my nightstand. 10:22. One hour and thirty-eight minutes left in the day... One hour and thirty-eight minutes left of crossing my fingers in anticipation.

The sound of front door unlocking tore my attention from my thoughts.

"Bella? Are you home?" Charlie called loudly from downstairs.

"I'm upstairs!" I answered, and tossed my pillow casually against the headboard. I rested my hands on my knees and waited for my father to appear.

Charlie's footsteps were heavy on the stairs. He apparently hadn't bothered to take off his shoes. My door swung open a moment later and he greeted me with a surprisingly relieved expression.

"Hey, Bells. How was shopping?" he asked, though more conversationally than genuinely.

_Shopping... Right..._

"Um, it was fun! You're getting in late tonight," I remarked, removing the focus from myself. Though I doubted that Charlie would inquire about any details regarding my weekend, I knew I didn't have the wits about me to construct any believable lies.

Charlie sighed and leaned against the doorframe. "Yeah. Busy day at work. I'm just coming back from Billy's actually. You heard about Jacob, right?"

I stared at him, unknowing what Billy must have told him about how Jacob had gotten injured.

He frowned when I failed to answer. "He crashed his bike... You were there earlier, weren't you? Billy said—"

"Oh, yes...right... The crash..." I picked nervously at my jeans again. That pesky hole wasn't getting any smaller.

"I never liked those things. He's lucky to be alive if you ask me."

I smirked. "Jake's tough, Dad. He'll be fine."

Charlie huffed and turned to leave, then stopped short and spun back around. He looked at me curiously. "Say, do you know Ethan Connor?"

My heart leapt into my throat.

"Who?" I feigned ignorance.

"A kid went missing in the woods. I thought maybe you'd know him, or where he may be?" I knew it was just my imagination, but Charlie seemed to look at me in accusation that I knew the truth.

I shook my head, knowing my voice would betray me if I spoke.

"Well, alright," Charlie uttered, seemingly satisfied. "I'm going to bed. It's been a long day."

_If he only knew._

"Okay. Goodnight."

"'Night, Bells," Charlie said, pulling the door with him as he exited my room. Before it shut, he peered inside one last time. "I'm glad you're home safe," he added softly, his eyes averting from mine.

My breath rushed out as soon as my door clicked shut.

Did I make it to midnight?

10:25

Not even close.

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**For those curious, I posted a link to a photo of what Ethan looks like in my profile.**


	9. Empathy Sympathy

**Chapter 9: Empathy Sympathy**

**Jasper's POV**

For the entire duration Edward spent with Bella in his room, I had concentrated on keeping him as serene as I could possibly manage by rendering myself into a meditative state of focus. But the moment that Bella left and was at a safe distance, I jerked my hold on Edward away and bolted immediately back into the forest. I needed to feed. The continual influence over Edward had left me feeling depleted in the end, and even though I had already hunted earlier, I'd never felt hungrier. I wasn't accustomed to using my ability for an extended period of time, so it wasn't surprising that I felt drained. It was definitely an exercise in stamina.

Alice didn't need an explanation from me as I left the house in hastiness. She'd know where I was headed — she always knew — but I couldn't even give her one out of simple courtesy. The hunger was just too overpowering and every second I spent starving felt like a razor inside my stomach. I needed to escape, and aside from the hunger, my entire being felt expended. It was a strange sensation; one I wasn't used to experiencing. Not since I was human had I felt so physically spent. My muscles felt coiled and strained as though I had been physically restraining Edward instead of emotionally.

Thankfully I didn't have to go far to find immediate sustenance. I literally crashed into a grazing doe just a few dozen yards outside of the property. I drank its blood fervently; my only objective being to quench my aching thirst. Once replenished, I discarded the remains haphazardly onto the damp underbrush and continued into the forest without a second glance.

I decided to hike further into in the woods instead of immediately returning to the house, far enough so I could let my thoughts run free without worrying that Edward would overhear them. I had veiled them from him while I was inside the house, not wanting him to know exactly just how much I was struggling to keep his emotions placid, and making sure he never felt the full extent of his craving. Having his doubts confirmed that he was a bomb ready to explode wouldn't have done him any good. Synthetic or not, Edward needed the confidence to help him cope, and hopefully, whatever was possessing him would dissipate soon.

I had wanted to believe he could be strong, but my decision of applying merely a slackened hold enabled him to become tempted again. The faith I had initially placed in Edward's self-control was shaken in the moment he picked up on Bella's quickened pulse. I felt it as well; his sudden jolt of want. It caused my own venom to flow, and it had taken me a few seconds to recover and concentrate on tightening the reigns on him. I was thankful that he had it in him to walk away on his own and allow me to mend the safety net, but I couldn't take any more chances. Realizing that Edward was undoubtedly in _need_ of my influences, I since then committed diligently on the task I had been sought out to provide.

The night air was crisp, and the full moon bathed the usually dark woods in a soft white gleam. It was a peaceful sight that I normally would have enjoyed, but in that moment I felt nothing but a disquieting apprehension. I sensed a shadow creeping up my spine.

I curled my lips back off my teeth and released a low, foreboding snarl.

"Get. Off." I warned through gnashed teeth, turning my head slightly to look behind myself. The forest behind me was dark and empty. I was alone save for the sleeping sparrows in the branches above me and the lone doe carcass I had left mangled by the creek.

I was alone... but something had still followed me from the house...

I could still feel remnants of Edward's craving and anxiety clinging to me, whispering cryptic insanity into my ear. When the uninvited guest failed to retreat, my snarl swelled into a frustrated scream as I struggled to fight the parasite from my mind.

Gripping onto a low branch of the nearest cedar, I swung myself into its wooded limbs. Climbing higher and higher, I pulled myself upward, attempting to escape physically from what should have been left behind with Edward. When I reached the top, I perched motionlessly, gripping the bark tightly in my fist. Staring into the spotlight of the full moon, I waited until the black shadow eventually seeped away, and dripped down every last branch I used to climb to my sanctuary.

Without the added weight of carrying around Edward's emotional stowaways, my own irritation finally surfaced. Whatever was plaguing him was thick and unrelenting; so much that it stuck with me like tar on the soles of my shoes. It wasn't supposed to be like this. The pain and suffering that I veiled with my influence wasn't supposed to adhere to me after I was removed from the situation. When I was gone, the emotions I sensed vanished immediately as well. _That_ was how it was _supposed_ to be. I fumed at my inability to calm myself. It was as if I had used up all my serenity on Edward, leaving none for myself to recover. It never crossed my mind that emotions were something I needed to keep in reserve.

The branch I was holding cracked and separated from the trunk. I flung the splintered wood like a missle into the darkness, watching as it speared through the neighboring trees. The sound of nettled cawing filled the night, and a disgruntled crow clumsily took flight in escape from the projected evidence of my frustration. I watched the bird fly away until it was no more than a black speck in the distance, blending in with the ebony sky.

As it vanished from my view, I was overcome by sang-froid and came to a simple realization: As frustrating as it was that Edward's emotions had clung to me, the purpose was to help keep Bella safe. Edward's pain and worry about her safety inundated my mind, making my heart bleed for the way he loved her and wanted to insure her protection. It made me think of Alice, and how my world imploded at the thought of her being hurt by my own hand. Bella was fragile and vulnerable, and I could feel that she meant just as much to Edward as Alice meant to me, and ultimately, that is why I had to do everything in my power to help: Bella was Edward's Alice.

Having completely regained my composure, I slowly made my way down the cedar again, inhaling the odor of its pungent wood as I scaled down the branches. When the damp soil met the soles of my shoes, I turned and headed North. There was something else that had to be done before returning home...

The body wasn't hard to find. Rain had the ability to cleanse the earth and wash away evidence, but even in a diluted form, the aroma of human blood was not something that was easily masked from beings like myself. It inflicted a scalding burn at the back of our throats, as if taunting us into slaking it.

Dried, cold and clotted, the burgundy mess I found covering the boy's remains tempted me little, though I held my breath nonetheless. The young corpse was slumped sideways on the muddy ground, his body serving as the dam for a shallow puddle of water teeming with blood that cradled most of his left side. A deep open gash that marred the side of his throat was partially submerged in the red tainted pool. Though I looked at his face for only for a split-second, the boy's frozen piteous expression had burned itself into my memory.

I didn't even have to imagine how Edward felt about it all. Anxiety rushed through me just then, though I wasn't sure if it was entirely my own. Ignoring it, I crouched down low... and began to dig.

-

-

**Edward's POV**

It was close to three o'clock in the morning, and instead of having my arms wrapped around my sleeping Bella, they were folded anxiously in front of own chest as I wandered absently through the halls of my large home. I eventually found myself outside of Carlisle's study, and peered inside as I passed in front of the open door.

A small table lamp was the only source of light in the fairly dark room, exuding a muted glow that barely illuminated the room's occupants. Carlisle was casually leaning back onto the edge of his mahogany desk with Esme facing him, pressed up closely against his chest. His hand rested lovingly over the small of her back, and they looked to be engaged in a tender moment as they quietly conversed.

Sensing my presence, they both turned their heads toward me and shifted their positions to adopt a more modest pose. Lowering my head, I wavered in the threshold feeling as though I had intruded.

"Edward," Carlisle beckoned invitingly, standing up straight. He used the hand he had dropped from Esme's back to signal that I should approach. Esme's lips pulled into heartened smile and they both looked at me with a sympathy that I wasn't certain I deserved.

Stubbornly, I remained static in the doorway.

Esme turned from Carlisle completely and walked over to me, her heels tapping softly against the hardwood floor. My eyes met hers and she reached up to cup my cheek in her palm in a comforting maternal fashion.

_Talk to him, Edward, _her encouraging voice filled my mind.

I conceded with a nod while her thumb continued to stroke back and forth across the side of my face. The loving support I received from my family was therapeutic, but only in short bursts until the recurrent pangs of guilt reminded me of what I was and what I had done.

As her hand slipped from my cheek, Esme walked around me and disappeared into the hallway, leaving Carlisle and I alone in the dimly lit room.

Silence hung in the air between, but in Carlisle's thoughts, it was a deafening buzz of questions and concerns. I waited, avoiding his eyes, as he debated which thought to voice first.

"How are you, Edward?" he began kindly.

Walking further into the study, I sighed heavily in answer. "How would _you_ be?" I replied rhetorically.

Carlisle nodded in understanding and walked around his desk to sit in his chair. "You look repentant," he noted, resting his forearms on the desk in front of him.

"This surprises you?"

"No. In fact I would be worried if I saw otherwise. However, I do think you're being too hard on yourself."

"Too hard on myself," I scoffed derisively, repeating his words, and began to pace in front of his desk. "Tell me, Carlisle. How _should_ I react to having killed an innocent boy? Pretend it didn't happen?" I inquired with disdain.

"Yes."

I halted my pacing and stared at him incredulously, stunned by his reply. It was absurd to hear such harshness from a voice normally filled with compassion.

"We _choose_ to live among humans. We pretend to be like them, but we don't live by the same set of rules as they do," Carlisle explained pragmatically. "They are ignorant of the existence of our kind outside of storybooks and movies, and it's imperative that it stays that way. We do the best we can, but sometimes there are high prices to be paid to live the way that we've chosen to."

I felt my brow drawing together as I contemplated his statement. "You're saying that like it justifies his death; like he's collateral damage." I uttered, unable to say the boy's name.

Carlisle's eyes grew sad and his answer in his thoughts reached me before he could sugarcoat it with his words:

_Because he is._

My expression must have confirmed my knowledge of his thoughts, because Carlisle did not speak any further. He simply leaned back in his chair, watching me with the same sympathetic gaze he wore when I first walked in. The joints of the seat snapped loudly as he adjusted his weight, the sound cracking like Ethan's spine. I felt my stomach turn. The lengths we needed to go to in order to keep the secret of our kind hidden sickened me.

I bowed my head, not wanting to witness the pity in the eyes of my creator.

His sighing broke the silence. "If you're looking for someone to support your self-loathing, you won't find it here. None of us blame you for what you did, son. You did what you had to do to protect Bella. Any one of us would have done the same. As you've already noticed, we're all here to help you through this. I'm sorry you were forced to kill that boy, Edward, I really am. But if you hadn't found him I can assure you that he probably would have been taken care of, regardless."

Wonderful. My prize for reaching him first was this unrelenting bloodlust that made me a threat to the only woman I've ever loved. I clenched my jaws in contempt, realizing that if I had only snapped the boy's neck to begin with, I wouldn't be in this damned situation.

"You have to forget about it," Carlisle reiterated solemnly. "There is nothing that can be done for that boy now. Concentrate on Bella. Do what you can to keep _her_ safe."

Bella. The sound of her name alone sent shock waves through heart, reminding me what I needed to fight for.

I lifted my gaze back to his and nodded in agreement. "Yeah... alright," I uttered.

Carlisle was right. I had to forget about him; make him disappear. As I pondered this, I suddenly realized that I hadn't disposed of the boy's remains. I had simply dumped the body in the middle of the open forest, free for it to be stumbled upon. I cringed at my reckless and selfish mistake.

"The body..."

"There is no body," Carlisle interrupted. "Jasper took care of it."

I humbled at the continual proof of my family's support.

"Like I said, we're all here to help you overcome this. _All_ of it," he added pointedly.

Yes, my guilt for taking a life was just one part of the problem; the easy part. Why I was suddenly craving human blood so intensely, I had yet to understand. I raised my eyes to the endless rows of books lining the walls of the room. Walking over to the nearest shelf, I scanned uselessly across the collection, knowing there wasn't a single volume that contained the answers I was looking for.

I felt Carlisle's eyes on me, watching me dubiously as he wondered what was going on inside my head. He joined me by the bookcase a moment later, and stood at my side.

"Are you hungry?" he asked directly, adopting his professional physician's tone.

I looked at him from the corner of my eyes. "No..."

Carlisle caught the incompleteness of my answer, and narrowed his eyes at me in question.

"I hunted, but the blood was insipid. I'm full, just not satisfied. The flavor was completely wrong," I admitted, surprised at how infuriated I felt about that. "I didn't even drink his blood, Carlisle. How could a simple taste be breaking me down so quickly?" I looked to Carlisle in question, hoping he could shed some light on what was happening to me.

He hummed thoughtfully before answering. "Even though it wasn't ingested, it is likely that simply tasting the human blood reminded you of what your true nature craves. By denying it and substituting with animal blood, you essentially forced upon yourself something other than what you really wanted."

My eyes narrowed.

"It's what we _all_ want, Edward," Carlisle justified in reaction to my defensive glare. "Just because we choose to abstain from it doesn't mean that we don't get tempted every now and then. It's not surprising that all it took was a single drop to tempt you again. It actually makes perfect sense. Our instincts run deep, and you shouldn't feel guilty about them. It's how you choose to proceed that matters."

Maybe he was right, but this wasn't the first time human blood had touched my tongue and wasn't ingested...

"Then why didn't all this occur back in Phoenix after I drew the venom from Bella's blood?" I countered.

Carlisle frowned in a moment of contemplation.

"Perhaps it was the nature of the action," he finally replied. "For Bella, you did it to save her life. With Ethan, it was during an act of violence. Normally, the subsequent act following a bite is the drawing of the blood, which you never undertook. So, in your refusal, your body could be reacting severely to the absence of its craving. It's possible that you're feeling a lack of finality."

I grimaced, taken aback. I knew what kind of creature I was, but to have it described like that made me feel even more disgusted with myself. I turned and began to pace the room again, unable to shake the tension from my nerves.

"It's just the mechanics of it, Edward," Carlisle explained. "You don't have to adhere to them. We've been living outside of these inherent rules for a long time. You just have to recondition yourself. Hunt as often as you can. Before long, you will have suppressed these primal urges again."

He seemed so certain, like it was so easily explained; so simple to manage and overcome. I knew it was just his best guess, but it seemed to make sense and I needed something concrete to grasp onto before I drove myself insane.

I silently accepted his theories and began to retreat to the room's entrance.

Carlisle followed me, unconvinced that I had been reassured, and placed his hand encouragingly against my upper arm when I paused in the doorway. "You've overcome the thirst in the past. There is no reason to believe you're unable to do it again," he assured.

My dark past... It was riddled with murder, yet I was able to wean myself with less incentive back then. I had something to lose this time around if I fell victim to my vile nature.

"Thank you, Carlisle."

I prayed that Carlisle was right, and that this feeling would simply fade. Time was all I needed, and also what I had an abundance of. Certainly I could spare some of it to keep Bella safe.

Walking back into my bedroom, I stood in front of the window and watched for evidence of passing time... and smiled when dawn eventually swallowed the last of the stars in the heavens.

~*~*~*~

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**_Comments = Love. Please leave one! :)_**

_I want to give a personal shout out to my beta, Bratty-Vamp. Thank you so much for your support and your help, bb. I would have lost my mind if it wasn't for you. You're an inspiration!_


	10. Catalyst

**Chapter 10: Catalyst**

**Bella's POV**

I tossed and turned until I finally fell asleep sometime after one o'clock, though it was difficult to find comfort in my bed without being cocooned inside Edward's embrace. Even asleep I felt the lack of his presence. I inched myself backward in search of Edward's body, but instead of his cold, hard chest, I was met with emptiness, and I gasped as my body jerked to correct my loss of balance. It took me a moment to remember why he wasn't there with me. But despite everything he had told me, I could only ever feel safe in his arms. Maybe it was denial, or perhaps it was simply faith that it would all work out, but I couldn't bring myself to believe that Edward could succumb to the monster he claimed to harbor.

Peeling back the covers, I tiptoed barefooted across the room to my window, and pulled back the curtain to look outside into the darkness. The silhouette of tree tops were visible against a navy sky. Dawn was just beyond the horizon, and I couldn't help but wonder what would come with its arrival. I pondered for a few moments, then crawled back into bed, and wondered what Edward was doing at this exact moment. Resting my head back on my pillow, I closed my eyes and pictured his face with the corner of his mouth drawn up into that lopsided smile I loved so much; a genuine smile I hadn't seen in what felt like forever.

"It's going to be alright," I whispered, and the smile widened into a grin. I fell back asleep with my angel smiling at me.

Singing sparrows perched on my window sill woke me again a few hours later, twittering happily under warm rays of sunshine they were seldom able to enjoy. I sat up, overcome with a sense of newness with the bright morning that broke the monotony of grey skies. Something had changed overnight, and my hopes were that it wasn't just the weather.

I heard the police cruiser's engine come to life, then a few seconds later fade into the distance as Charlie drove off to work. It was the moment I had been waiting for; the opportune time to do what needed to be done.

I pulled on some sweats and tied my hair back into a messy ponytail. After making my way downstairs, I slipped my shoes on, then walked out the front door with only two things in hand: The keys to my truck, and a box of matches.

From the moment I snatched up the bag from my truck and headed into the forest, my brain switched to auto-pilot. One minute I was striking a match, and the next I was using that same hand to wipe the steam from the bathroom mirror. I stared blankly into my reflected eyes, feeling the water drip from my soaking wet hair down shoulders and settle into the towel I had wrapped around my body.

I vaguely remembered dropping the match onto Edward's bloodied clothes, and watching as the small fire blazed, destroying every last drop of Ethan Connor's unfortunate demise.

A split-second of panic tore through me as I realized the magnitude of what I had done. Plain and simple, I had burned evidence to a crime. A boy had gone missing, and I was hiding the fact that my boyfriend was the one that killed him. But things were much more complicated than just that. 'Simple' was not a word that could describe my life anymore, and I knew that as unfortunate as it was, the real truth about Ethan would never be discovered. The Cullens would undoubtedly see to that. To everyone else, Ethan would remain missing. Forever.

It saddened me that this boy had gotten caught in the crossfire of a world he shouldn't have known to exist. It was the same world that I shouldn't have been aware of myself, yet, unlike Ethan, I continued to live. Because of Edward's eternal protection, and promises to the Volturi that I would shortly be among their kind, I had become an exception to the rule. I suddenly felt extremely guilty about that, but at the same time, thankful.

I didn't know what Ethan looked like, but I pictured a boy lying dead and abandoned somewhere in the forest and realized that if things were different... that could have been me.

My lip began to quiver as I mourned a boy I did not know. Bringing the tip of my index finger against the mirror, I traced, 'RIP', over the remaining condensation, and watched as the bottom of each letter bled tiny rivers of moisture as it cried along with me.

Perhaps my life wasn't simple anymore, but I did have Edward, and that was all I would ever need. I loved him and there was nothing that could ever change that. I cleared my throat and wiped my eyes dry as I remembered that, and I focused on doing whatever I could to help him through this troubling time. I wouldn't crumble because things suddenly became difficult. We were to be married soon, and my vows would be no different.

I dried off and got dressed, then quickly passed a brush through my damp hair a few times, and simply let it hang loose down my back. As I headed downstairs again, I half-expected to see Edward waiting for me in the kitchen, but when I got there, I was disappointed to find myself alone. I was eager to speak to him and see how he was doing, but I didn't want to be bothersome, so I decided to wait until he called me first.

Taking a seat at the kitchen table, I flipped absently through Charlie's discarded newspaper, but I found my focus darting to my phone every few seconds. Already I was failing miserably at trying to occupy my mind with something other than Edward. I needed something to better distract myself with.

My growling stomach answered my question for me. As I opened the fridge to look for something to eat, I figured I'd also prepare something more substantial to save for dinner, and decided on a fresh pot of tomato sauce. Besides, Charlie could use some home cooking again after my absence. But my guilt wasn't only about the pizza boxes and Chinese take-out cartons that littered the fridge, it was also for lying to him about Ethan last night.

Reaching past the leftovers, I grabbed some tomatoes and placed them on the cutting board. I sighed heavily as I sliced into the first one, and rolled my eyes at my pathetic attempt for redemption. After all, nothing says 'I'm sorry for lying about a missing boy' like fresh marinara, right?

I shrugged off the reminder of what I was purposely trying to avoid thinking about, and busied myself with the simple recipe. It worked for a little while, but there wasn't much to do once the sauce was simmering in the pot. Staring at the bubbling red liquid, I began to get anxious again and wondered why Edward hadn't called yet.

My curiosity and trepidation finally got the better of me. Palming my cellphone in my right hand, I ran my thumb over the keypad, dialing his number. Edward's voicemail came on immediately and I couldn't suppress an irritated groan. Covering the pot, I reached over the stove and turned the dial until it clicked loudly, switching off the burner.

I needed to go see him.

As I pulled into the Cullen's driveway, I found Alice sitting on the top step of the front porch with her hands folded neatly one over the other on top of her knees. I exited my truck and smiled at her as I began to approach. Barely returning my smile, Alice sat frozen like a marble statue and watched me with an peculiar expression that I couldn't quite explain. When I reached the bottom of the steps, I paused to look up questioningly at her porcelain face.

"I figured I'd sit out here and wait for you," Alice said, naturally privy with my decision to visit.

There was something off about the way she greeted me. Her usual sunny demeanor was absent, and though she smiled, it didn't reach her eyes. The sun shining bright in a cloudless sky leeched its shine from her eyes and left them cold and vacant as she peered at me from her perch at the top of the stairs. Her black irises were only contrasted by the brilliant gleam as the sunlight careened off her flesh. I had no idea what had transpired here while I was gone, but by the look on Alice's face I assumed that things with Edward hadn't gotten any better since yesterday.

My stomach twisted into knots. "How is he?" I asked of Edward.

Alice shrugged non-commitally, increasing my uneasiness. "He went hunting," she answered instead.

My already bruised spirits became even more crushed. "Will he be back soon?" I wondered.

Alice's eyes narrowed and averted from mine as she searched for the answer. "He's already on his way," she answered unequivocally.

"Oh, good. I'll wait."

I climbed up the stairs then sat down a couple steps below Alice, and I looked out toward the trees that bordered the property. Alice's drawn-out sighing spilled into the breeze, the sound of it unmistakably coated with irritation. "Maybe you shouldn't," she replied with a bitterness I did not understand.

I turned around at the incongruity and was shocked to see Alice looking down at me wearing a determined expression that emphasized her blunt statement. The resoluteness in her cold black stare was intimidating.

"W-Why? What's going on?" I asked apprehensively, confused with Alice's behavior.

"I just think that maybe it's not such a good idea for you to tempt Edward by being around him."

_Ouch._

I stared at her, stunned by her straightforwardness, and was unable to reply for a few moments. I frowned as I attempted to recover from the shot of guilt that Alice blasted at me from out of nowhere.

"Is this what Edward thinks?" I answered when I found my voice again. I was unable to believe that Edward had anything to do with the things Alice was saying, especially after the promise he made last night to not distance himself from me because of what happened yesterday.

Alice reluctantly shook her head, admitting Edward had no involvement in her suggestion, but that didn't help me feel any better. "But it's what _I_ think."

I stared at her, hurt by the words that were voiced by my best friend.

"Edward _wants_ me around," I retorted defiantly, spinning my body around on the step so I faced her entirely. "I'm sorry, but I'm not going to abandon him like I'm afraid of him, because the truth is that I'm _not_! And I don't think it's fair for you to place blame on me like this."

Alice caught my sense of betrayal and softened her features, but only slightly. I could tell that she wasn't intent on abandoning her plea.

"I'm just saying that it would be easier for him to deal without having your scent threatening to push him over the edge," she explained frankly. Though her tone was meant to calm me, the words that encompassed it only infuriated me.

"And I thought the purpose was to _help_ him deal, not quarantine him like he has some demonic plague," I spat, not caring if I crossed the line. Of course I knew that Alice was trying to help Edward, but she wasn't treating me very fairly.

Alice glared at me for a few moments before answering. "We _are_ helping him deal. Maybe you should too." Her resentment toward me nearly knocked me down the stairs.

I forced back the tears that threatened to form by that verbal slap in the face. Insulting my devotion to Edward was a little harsh when it came to Alice. I realized that things must be really bad for her to behave so out of her normal character, so I bit back a defensive reply.

"Does Jasper feel the same way?" I wondered sadly.

That was apparently the million-dollar question.

A look of concern replaced the bitterness that had previously etched across her face. "Jasper would gladly take Edward's place if he could," Alice replied honestly. "He would suffer Edward's pain to make sure he doesn't lose control and hurt you. And that's exactly what he did last night, Bella. You don't realize how hard he was struggling to keep Edward's emotions docile around you," she revealed. "After you left, Jasper had to go hunt again because he was drained from exerting his ability. Do you understand that? He was tired. _Tired_, Bella. We don't get _tired_!" Alice exclaimed suddenly, startling me.

"Edward's really doing that badly?" I asked.

"Apparently so."

"Oh." It was all I could muster. I lowered my head as I contemplated for a minute. Alice seemed to be more worried about how my presence around Edward affected Jasper than it did Edward himself. Now I understood. I couldn't blame Alice for being concerned for her partner, but what about the promise she made to Edward to help? Did her assistance have conditions and limitations? She definitely wasn't playing fair. The more I pondered it, the more I felt my anger rekindled, and it was _my_ turn to feel resentfull.

"You're being a little selfish here, don't you think?" I antagonized, glaring up with my own hardened stare.

An audible growl rumbled inside her throat. "You think _I'm_ being selfish?" she replied, and swiftly rose to her feet to tower over me. Despite her petite frame, she emanated intimidation. "I'm just trying to help you!"

I stood up as well and began to descend the steps out of frustration. "Help _me_. Right. You mean help Jasper," I uttered under my breath as I walked down the front path.

"He was going to kill you!" Alice shouted after me.

I froze. The words speared through my heart like a blunt arrow.

"I saw it happen," she added, pushing the arrow deeper.

Turning around again, I could only stare at her incredulously.

Suddenly, the front door opened behind Alice, and Jasper appeared in the doorway. He looked past me toward the edge of the forest, and Alice's attention diverted to the same location as well. I spun around to see what they were looking at.

Beneath the emerald canopy of trees, Edward stood in the shadows. There was no doubt that he heard what Alice had just said about him. Even from a distance I could see the pain in his eyes.

"Edward, I... I didn't mean..." Alice stammered, trying to back-peddle.

Edward walked toward us in silence. None of us said a word as he approached. Even the sunbathing larks seemed to have been hushed by his presence. He slipped a glance at me, and frowned apprehensively before looking back at Alice. When he reached the end of the driveway, he stopped walking and stared at his sister. The tension in the air was suffocating.

"Is that true, Alice?" he asked. His voice was eerily calm considering the harrowing revelation.

Alice simply gazed apologetically back at Edward, clearly displaying her affirmation in her saddened eyes.

Edward nodded slowly as he processed the truth, and stole another quick glance my way. His eyes weren't quite as saddened as they were accepting. "Well... Then I suppose I must thank you both for ensuring that didn't happen," he replied.

Nobody knew what more to say. I watched as the three siblings stood awkwardly in silence, and had to wonder if there was a secret conversation going on that I wasn't aware of. My heart thudded nervously in my ears, and despite my earlier insistence on not leaving, seeing the distraught look on Edward's face made me think to reconsider.

"Maybe I should just go," I stated defeatedly, and started back toward my truck. I couldn't stand being the cause of animosity between Edward and his family. Maybe Alice was right. Maybe I _was_ the catalyst of Edward's pain.

But Edward was at me in a flash. He stepped in front of me, blocking my path, and grasped me by the back of my elbow.

"No! You're not going anywhere," he ground out insistently.

Pulling me toward him, Edward backed me up against his chest and wrapped one arm protectively in front of me. As he faced us both back toward the house, I felt him hug my body possessively into himself, and I couldn't help but feel a sense of relief about that. The thought of him potentially being a danger to me failed to adhere, and it wasn't just because both Alice and Jasper did not react to the way Edward was handling me. My eternal faith in him shielded me.

"Alice..." Edward spoke. His voice was crushed. "It hurts me that you would make Bella feel guilty about any of this. If anyone is responsible for causing anguish it's me."

Jasper lowered his head, seemingly embarrassed. "Edward, Alice is just concerned about—"

"It's okay, Jasper," Edward interrupted. "I understand that she's worried about you too. To be honest, I am as well, especially if it's as bad as she says. But I'm also aware of your commitment, and for that I am eternally grateful."

Jasper nodded and Alice looked at me, still accusingly, though considerably subdued. I tightened my fingers around Edward's forearm and looked away to escape her muted glower.

"I know that I'm being a burden to you guys right now, and I'm so sorry for that, but having Bella close to me is just as necessary as having you both use your abilities to help me cope. I can't do without either. I can't be apart from Bella. I just can't. I know I probably should, and maybe it's the most selfish thing I have ever done, but she's my air, she's my heartbeat, she's everything I don't have anymore. I need her to exist. I know it's a lot to ask, but please, just _help_ me... Help me keep her with me."

Edward pulled me stronger against himself, and my heart beat wildly against his chest, inadvertently emphasizing his heartfelt statement. His declaration moved me to tears.

Alice stood looking humbled. "I'm sorry," she said softly, and looked to me as well. Jasper leaned down to kiss her temple.

"I will beat this," Edward said, sounding resolute about his situation for the first time. Whether it was real or a show out of protectiveness for me, it didn't matter. Maybe just saying the words helped.

I spun around in his embrace to face him, and looked up into his eyes. "You _will_, you know," I reiterated anyway.

And then he smiled at me, a genuine whole-heared smile that dwarfed the warmth of the sun. Swiping away the tears on my cheeks with his thumbs, he bent down and kissed my forehead.

"I know."

Something _did_ change overnight. Edward's resolve had somehow strengthened. He seemed more determined to overcome, than to be scared of himself, and I was proud to be his incentive. I was proud to be the catalyst.

~*~*~*~

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_**Comments = Love. Please leave one! :)**_


	11. Training Wheels

**Chapter 11: Training Wheels**

**Edward's POV**

Three days passed since Ethan's death, then it turned into five. I started out hopeful that I would overcome this, but determination remains strong for only so long without the slightest evidence of progress. Night after night, Bella remained alone in her bed as I failed to regain the confidence in resuming my position by her side as she slept. Jasper's leash around my neck — though necessary and helpful — became a constant nagging reminder of how things refused to get back to normal. The sudden choke-hold feelings I would experience whenever I was around Bella began to frustrate me.

The black cover of night shielded my appalling method of seeking restoration. As she slept, I stalked through the forest, ambushing the fauna in desperation of flushing out the darkness that saturated me. But it was never enough. I began to wish I could reach inside myself and tear the evil right out.

Five days turned to six, then the seventh remained just the same as the first. With Jasper's help, my irritation was veiled around Bella, and when she asked, I lied. 'It's getting better', I smiled, then excused myself and go hunting to assuage my burning throat.

I was crouched on the forest floor one hazy afternoon, staring unseeingly through the creeping fog that ominously bathed the forest. A slow dripping sensation ran down my chin and I looked downward at the ravaged carcass that lay before me. Torn to shreds, I couldn't even remember what kind of animal I had killed. Violent. Bloody. Messy. Every kill had been this way lately. Over the past week, frustration had transformed me into an aggressive hunter. I massacred my kill with contempt for their insipid blood which refused to satisfy my needs. I shredded them to pieces after consuming every last drop, pulverizing their bones to dust as I choked back the hot red syrup that felt like it was burning a hole inside me.

Standing up, I began to storm begrudgingly through the woods, but was suddenly halted by Jaspers sturdy hand pressing into my chest.

"Don't take this back to her," Jasper uttered, shaking his head.

I looked down the front of my clothing that was drenched in the blood of my kill.

"She knows I went hunting, Jasper. What do you expect I'd look like afterwards?" I snapped and pushed my way past him.

"That's not what I meant," my brother interjected, stepping in front of me a second time. "I was talking about your temperment. Your frustration is going to discourage Bella. She was feeling hopeful when we left the house, feeling as if maybe this time, things will have gotten easier for you," he revealed.

"Yeah? Her and me both," I spat, unable to shake my annoyance with my lack of progress.

Then Jasper took hold, calming me immediately.

"Edward... I can help you alter your mood, as you can tell, but I think that's the problem."

I frowned at him, confused by what he was saying.

"Your lack of control is what's getting to you," Jasper continued. "Maybe you can't help how it's going, but you _can_ control how you handle it. That part I don't _need_ to help you with. Maybe if you just start with that, you won't feel so helpless."

I peered at him skeptically.

"How do you expect me not to feel irritated about this? It's been a week and it's like nothing has changed."

"Patience, Edward. You're thinking about it too much. Stop waiting for the results to become apparent and just _let it_ happen. It will. You just need to stop watching the pot."

I suddenly became tense again as Jasper released his hold on me. Closing my eyes, I balled my fists at my sides in reaction. I tongued the sappy blood that had collected at the corner of my lips and forced myself to ignore its unpalatable flavor. Jasper was right. I needed to display confidence, not only for Bella's benefit, but also my own. Any weakness in character would only serve to break down the walls that kept the evil at bay.

I heeded Jasper's suggestion and took control over the part of myself that I could. Once again, I pictured her face. I concentrated on what I was fighting for, and willed myself into a sort of peacefulness.

Opening my eyes, I saw Jasper nodding at me as he felt my anxiety drop. "Very good. One step at a time."

I realized that it might take more time than I was hoping it would for this situation to resolve itself. Normally, time meant little to an immortal being like myself. I noticed the sky changing from light to dark, simply to divide my eternity into distinguishable fragments, but it made no difference. I never slept. I had been awake for over a hundred years. My existence was one everlasting day. There was a time when it was unbearable, and then I found Bella. But now that her safety was in jeopardy, I was more aware of passing time, simply because it was the supposed answer to my problems. It hunched over and crawled by impossibly slow, mocking me, but I gathered strength from Bella's love. She fed me hope when I was starved of it, and together we would overcome what threatened to destroy us.

The relationship between Alice and Bella had become strained, and that saddened me. Jasper insisted that he wasn't having a hard time with absorbing the torment I emitted, but he could not veil his thoughts from me all of the time. I knew he took time away from me to recover, and I secretly envied his ability to escape from what I could not. I often felt like I was asking too much of everyone; that the simple solution would be to just turn Bella, make her like me... but I knew that I would be personally incapable of doing so at this time, and I would not stand for Carlisle to take it upon himself. I was selfish to want to take it upon myself, just like Bella wanted it to be.

I wanted nothing more than to return to some kind of normalcy again, to carry out the plans Bella and I had made before these tremors shook us out of alignment. I promised her things, and she could not be turned before. I would not take that away from her. I wanted to kiss her as my bride without feeling any fear, and keep to my promise to make her mine. More than anything, though I could never admit it to her, I wanted to love her like a man should be able to love his woman.

More days went by. I had decided to take Jasper's advice to not obsess, and slowly but surely it had become easier to cope. I was able to push it down deep within myself, though I wasn't sure whether it was Jasper's influence or my own healing at work. All I knew was that I was tired of battling with myself, and so long as Jasper served as my muzzle, I could focus on being with Bella.

But I was soon to discover that some things were not as easy to ignore...

It was nearing the end of the second week. I was on my way back home after hunting one afternoon when I heard whispers on the wind that were not among the usual sounds of the forest. These were not songs of birds, or animals, nor the ruffling of windblown leaves or stumbling rolling stones. They were desperate, drawn-out calls, elongating the name that proved would forever haunt me:

_Eeee-thaaaaan! Eeee-thaaaaan!_

A search party. I was frozen for a few moments as I heard the boy's name being called out by four or five different people from a couple miles away. The name forced memories of his death and the effects it had placed upon me to the forefront of my thoughts again. Before I could hear it being called again, I ran in the opposite direction to escape the sound before it could completely destroy the illusion of security I had created for myself... But it was too late. No matter how fast I ran, the creeping guilt had managed to catch me.

I reached the front door of my house with a heavy heart. Although I had managed to keep my clothing from looking as if I bathed in the remnants of my prey, I felt as though I was painted black instead.

I walked inside and did my best to forget what just happened. I didn't see Jasper but I knew he was close. I was accustomed to feeling him nearby when I was around Bella, and he would always keep his presence discreet whenever he was using his influence over me, making it seem as though he wasn't even there. I appreciated that, and in a way, it helped me to pretend things were normal. Only now, I had Ethan's name repeating in my mind, like a dripping faucet, impossible to ignore.

The sound of the television drew me to the living room where I found Bella alone, slumped sideways along the sofa. She sat with her legs folded to the side and her head rested comfortably on the armrest. She was unaware of my presence, so I continued to watch her curiously, wondering what was passing through her mind that made the lines in her forehead deepen. Somehow, I doubted that the toothpaste commercial playing on the screen had anything to do with it, regardless of how intently she was staring at it.

A couple annoying commercials later, the scheduled program returned and I decided to finally make myself known.

"Hey," I said.

Bella lifted her head off of the armrest and turned to look at me.

"Hi," she replied just as simply as I had greeted, then shifted her body to lay her back against the armrest. She looked like she was struggling to find a question that wouldn't raise awkwardness. '_Is it any better today?_' '_When will things go back to normal?_' I couldn't read her thoughts but I suspected those were among the questions on her mind, for they were certainly on mine again. The silence that filled the void between us became even more awkward than the unspoken questions we both pondered. All considering, we've been getting along pretty well up to now, and I resented that I had let myself get worked up again.

I walked around the sofa and sat down at the opposite end without saying another word, unintentionally acting withdrawn.

My little mistake didn't get past her.

"Why are you sitting all the way over there?" Bella asked innocently, pulling me out of my thoughts. I looked over to her and she smiled timidly.

As if realizing the distance between us for the first time, I slid down the length of the couch toward her until my hip touched her feet. l then scooped them up and slid even closer, placing her legs across my lap.

"Better?" I grinned, cupping my palm over her left knee.

Her smile was oddly plastered on her face, and she only nodded slightly in answer to my question.

I lifted my hand from her leg to push it up through the front of my hair and my grin slowly began to fade.

"How are you?" Bella asked softly, settling on a general question that clearly encompassed so much more than it seemed to. But I couldn't blame her for asking this way. She hadn't talked about it much since the first day. She always made me feel as if nothing had changed; never treated me any differently; never seemed worried in the least that I was a threat to her. But today, she had a sadness in her eyes that I needed to have explained.

"I'm..." I searched for the words that described how I was, but was unable to find them. Shaking my head in defeat, I dismissed her question and turned the table on Bella instead. "What's on _your_ mind? You look so sad," I remarked, half-expecting to know the answer.

Bella stared at me for a moment before lowering her eyes. "Nothing, it's stupid," Bella replied with a shrug, running the tip of her index finger nervously back and forth over my forearm.

"Tell me."

"It's nothing, really. Forget it," she repeated stubbornly, a nervous laugh escaping with her words. She refused to meet my eyes.

I frowned, not in the least bit convinced, and gently stilled her hand against my arm with mine.

"Bella..." I coaxed.

"Well..." She finally relented, but not without her cheeks flushing with color. "I was just thinking about how... I mean I know we still need to be cautious, but..." she trailed off, unsure of how to proceed and hesitant to continue. Looking bashfully back to me, she sighed before concluding her train of thought. "I miss sleeping with you, that's all," she concluded.

I nodded in agreement. "I miss it, too," I whispered in honesty, wishing that my initial reaction to how she explained herself was to smile at how cute it was. Instead, I could only be saddened by it, because the next time I would be comfortable to be with her like that seemed so distant again.

Then Bella did it again. She stared at me peculiarly for a few moments like she was searching for something. Grabbing the remote control from the coffee table, she switched off the television with a quick tap of her finger.

"Something else is bothering you. I can tell. What is it?" Bella coaxed gently.

_Smart girl._

There was no point in hiding it from her.

"There was a search party in the woods today," I revealed.

"Oh," she said, looking at me sadly. Clearly there was no need for further explanation. "I'm sorry."

"It's just that I thought we were finally getting somewhere, you know?" I huffed. "And then something like _this_ has to come along and—" My rant was cut short when I suddenly felt like I was being injected with a high dose of valium. I expelled a drawn-out sigh as Jasper reminded me in his unique way to stay calm.

Oblivious to Jasper's method, Bella leaned forward to palm my cheek. "Edward, it's going to be alright," she said softly, but the sadness never left her eyes.

It wasn't a grand mystery why darkness shaded them, really. She missed me. We were together every day, but things hadn't been quite the same between us lately, and we both felt it. I needed to rid myself of this curse, and fast, before her hope would be drained completely.

"It's such a simple desire, really, to want to sleep with the one you love," I ruminated, peering deep into her gaze. "When did it become so complicated?"

Bella shook her head at my rhetorical question.

In that moment, Alice walked into the room and stood directly before us. Clasping her fingers together in front of herself, she looked pointedly at Bella. "You're sleeping over tonight," she said insistently.

Bella and I both looked at her skeptically for her unexpected suggestion. After all, Alice hadn't exactly been Team Bella lately.

"I am?" Bella answered confusedly.

With a shake of my head, I intervened before Alice could reply. "Thank you, Alice, but I'm not comfortable with subjecting Jasper to an _entire night_ of watching over me. Not after learning what only a couple hours at a time do to him," I refuted, revealing that I knew the truth about what they had tried to shield from me. I still felt awful for subjecting Jasper to the intensity of my demise that first night.

"Don't be concerned for me. I'll be just fine," Jasper joined our conversation as well, making himself visible to us as he stood underneath the archway at the far end of the room.

I looked at him, bleeding my skepticism from one sibling onto the other.

"Bella," Alice continued, drawing our attention to her once again, "I know I've been hard on you about all this, worrying about how it affects Jazz and Edward... I realize that I put myself in everyone's shoes, except _yours_. To be honest, I would also be having a hard time not being able to be close with the man I loved." Alice looked over to Jasper, and for a moment I was filled with a sensation of deep affection as he smiled at her, unintentionally ricocheting his emotions for Alice onto everyone in the room.

"So, yes. You're sleeping over — _with_ Edward," Alice repeated, then looked to me with an encouraging nod. "And it will be fine."

I felt the need to interject. "Do you really think that's a good—"

"No, I don't _think _it's a good idea. I _know _it is." Alice cut me off, grinning proudly.

Bella smiled at Alice as they shared a silent truce, and her fingers tightened around mine, displaying her inner glee. For a fraction of a second, the thought of holding Bella again as she slept filled me with a selfish joy, but I still couldn't help but feel ill at ease about attempting it yet.

"Jasper?" I looked at him with uncertainty.

"You _need_ this. You both do," he replied. His statement surprised me, but it couldn't be closer to the truth.

"And you think I'm ready for that?" I wondered, looking between both my siblings.

"You've been doing a lot better lately," Jasper said. "Besides, you have to start somewhere if you're going to get back to normal, right?"

_Normalcy. _I craved it more than anything as of late. The word itself was the ultimate temptation I needed to be convinced.

"And we'll be close, Edward. We won't let anything happen to Bella," Alice added.

The fact that my family was suggesting we do this at all was encouraging. Jasper seemed to know what was going on with me more than I did lately, so I took his suggestion to heart. Alice was clearly comfortable with it as well. She wouldn't have allowed it had she suspected anything would go wrong. Perhaps this was just another case of me over-thinking again.

Another small squeeze around my fingers pulled my attention to a hopeful smile on Bella's lips. They pleaded silently for my approval, tugged at my heart with a request I couldn't deny.

So, I nodded, and slipped my palm back to cradle the side of her neck. It was impossible not to mirror the hopeful grin on her face. "Alright. Let's do it."

-

-

Alice made me promise not to waste a single millisecond worrying, and to just focus on enjoying being with Bella. "Let Jazz and I take care of everything, okay? Just relax. Please?" she had said as she pushed a pile of DVDs into my arms later that night.

After Bella had her dinner, we settled onto the couch again, opting for a 1940s classic romance among Alice's variety of movie options. We talked casually throughout the film, making silly comments, keeping the mood relatively light. It was nice, comfortable, and if I didn't know that my siblings had any influence over it, I would even say it felt extremely natural.

Bella took every opportunity she could to get close to me and tell me that she was having a nice evening. I had to admit that it was a relief to be able to match her sentiment. I borrowed strength from her faith in me and nearly had myself convinced that it was all I needed to get past the gloom. She had her own magic about her which she used to shield away the darkness. That was my Bella — stubbornly full of hope and faith.

The television illuminated us in a flickering soft white glow, casting dancing shadows around us. We had been quiet for the last little while, simply watching the movie without interruptions, when the moment I had been dreaming of arrived quicker than I had expected it to. With her head nestled comfortably against my chest, my Bella had suddenly fallen asleep in my arms.

In that split-second of realization, I wasn't sure what to do in fear of shattering the moment. I tried distracting myself by focusing on the movie, but then I remembered that the purpose of this night was to enjoy it, not try to simply tolerate it. I muted the film and let Cary Grant and Ginger Rogers continue to move around on screen in silence.

I concentrated on the sensation of Bella's chest rising and falling against mine. I listened to her breathing as she slept in my arms. It became my calming music. I played the lullaby I had written for her in my mind, and matched it to the tempo of her soft rhythmic breaths. The perfect duet lifted me from the darkness in which I had been engulfed in the past couple of weeks. Without even trying, Bella had brought the light back to me.

Pulling the blanket from the back of the couch, I moved it to cover her, taking care not to wake her. She stirred slightly as I adjusted the soft material over her body, then let out a little sigh, mumbling something under her breath.

My curiosity bested me. I bent to looked at her face and found that her eyes were still lidded.

"Did you say something?" I asked quietly.

"_You won't hurt me."_ She mumbled so low that it was almost indiscernible, and whether it was a statement or a question, I could not determine.

I decided to push my luck. "Are you afraid of me, Bella?" I whispered into her ear.

_"No."_

Her subconscious truth pulled at the corner of my lips and fortified my relief.

I rested my cheek on the top of her head and lightly brushed my hand down her hair. "No... I'll never hurt you," I said, reinforcing her statement. As her silky tendrils wove between my fingers, its sweet flowery aroma invigorated my senses. I had been so accustomed to avoiding inhaling her scent lately that I had nearly forgotten how lovely it was.

As Bella lay vulnerable in my arms, I couldn't even pretend that I was fighting the urge to take advantage and act on my dark nature. In fact, it was the contrary. Jasper was outdoing himself. I reminded myself to thank him profusely in the morning.

After the movie came to its end, I thought about moving Bella to my bed, but to disrupt my perfect angel as she slept felt like a sin to me. I was completely happy with our embrace, and Bella apparently felt the same way. She slept the entire night without disruption, her hand clinging to my shirt with hopes that in her lost hours, she wouldn't lose hold of me.

Time that used to torture me by crawling by found a different way to agonize me as it reeled in the morning light quicker than I wanted it to. I remained completely still underneath Bella in hopes that she wouldn't notice its arrival, and wished that I had the power to extend her peaceful slumber. But eventually, her eyelids parted, and our night together came to its end.

"Good morning," I greeted as her head lifted from my chest.

She smiled up at me. "Good morning," she said, her voice still raspy from sleep. Her hand that was gathered around my shirt tightened and pulled toward herself as growing joy spread across her face. "It's so nice to wake up next to you again," she said, hugging herself even closer to me.

The joy on her face matched the elation in my heart. "It is," I agreed.

She came to a sitting position beside me and studied my face again like the previous night. "And everything is good?" she asked. "You're feeling... I mean, are you..."

I smiled. "I'm fine. But I should probably get up and give Jasper a break," I replied. Though I was reluctant to release her from my embrace, it began to feel greedy to prolong what Jasper had already generously bestowed. It was time to give him some reprieve.

"Oh, right. Of course," she said, almost like she forgot there was anyone else in the house besides us.

She tilted back toward me and softly kissed my cheekbone. "I'm really happy we did this," she whispered, her soft breath tickling my face.

"It was perfect," I added.

"I'll be back. I need a human moment," she said shyly. She peeled the blanket off herself and tiptoed into the hallway toward the bathroom.

I watched her until she disappeared around the corner, then stood up myself. I needed to talk to Jasper. Despite my promise to Alice, I couldn't help but be concerned about what state he may be in after an entire night of watching over me.

As I neared the top of the staircase, I found Jasper walking through the hallway toward me.

"So, the night was a success," Jasper stated happily when he saw me approaching. His lively demeanor surprised me since I was prepared to find him overly anxious or even withdrawn.

When I reached the landing, I stopped in front of him and nodded. "Completely, and I wanted to thank you for that."

"Why?"

"What do you mean, _'why'_?" I said, taken aback.

"I would accept your gratitude if had I done something to earn it," Jasper said, matter-of-factly, crossing his arms in front of his chest.

"I'm confused."

"I didn't do anything last night to keep you anchored," Jasper explained. "You were on your own."

His statement threw me for a loop. "All night?!" I exclaimed in disbelief.

"Edward, relax. I was watching the entire time if you needed me, but you didn't."

I couldn't get myself to comprehend. "But I was completely relaxed."

"That was all you," Jasper smiled. "Congratulations."

I took a moment to absorb what Jasper was saying. Had my demon simply given up? "What does this mean? Am I... healed?"

"Maybe," Jasper shrugged.

"It can't be that simple, can it? Just like that?"

"Well, I wouldn't call the last couple of weeks simple, would you?" Jasper countered.

"No. Definitely not."

I stood dumbfounded staring into nothing as I found myself unsure what to do next; what to think; what to say. Could it be possible that my luck had finally started to turn around? I was stuck trying to process the fact that Bella had been in my arms all night without the need of his ability to soothe me.

Jasper nudged my arm, pulling me from my daze. "Look, just keep taking it easy. Alice and I will still help you out until we know for sure, but I think you're on your way to recovery. Now, excuse me, apparently I need to go pack a few things," Jasper said, walking past me. "Alice informed me that we're going on a day-trip tomorrow."

"At least _one_ of you takes my visions seriously," Alice said from behind me. I turned to see her carrying a red backpack in her hands. She walked up to us and gave it to Jasper with a grin then leaned into me playfully. "I told you it would turn out fine, Edward. You need to start listening to me more."

~*~*~*~

* * *

_**Comments = Love. Please leave one! :)**_


	12. Trigger

**Chapter 12: Trigger**

**Alice's POV**

"So, are you going to tell me where we're going?" I heard Jasper wonder from somewhere behind me.

"Umm, I haven't decide yet," I hummed while rifling through the clothes hanging in my walk-in closet. I absently slid one hanger after another down the rod, not really seeing the clothes in front of me. Only a multicolored blur adorned my busy mind as I attempted to plan our day together. "But it doesn't matter, really," I added. "Just as long as it's not here."

Suddenly, I felt Jasper's hands on both my shoulders pulling my body backward into him. I released the sleeve of a violet cashmere sweater I happened to be holding onto, and sighed pleasantly as he kissed the top of my head.

"Ali, you can stop worrying so much about me. I'm doing alright," he crooned, then kissed me a second time.

Even though Edward had been doing much better recently, I couldn't shake my concerns about how it was affecting Jasper. And naturally, he picked up on that.

I spun around to look at him. "You need a break," I stated matter-of-factly, looking up into his honey-golden gaze. "And tomorrow is the perfect time to take one. Bella will be gone for most of the day so there's really no reason to babysit Edward."

Jasper grimaced in a chastising manner at my choice of words.

"I'm sorry,_ 'keep an eye'_ on Edward," I corrected with a sigh and lowered my head against Jasper's chest. "I really don't mean to seem resentful toward him, Jazz. Honest. It's just that, you've been so amazing through all of this; so selfless and supportive, and I just feel like it's _your_ turn to relax a little. You deserve it."

"Edward has been through a lot, and has a lot to lose," Jasper pointed out solemnly. "It should always be his turn to relax."

Lifting my head upward again, I paused to stare at my husband in amazement of his unfaltering allegiance. "Edward is lucky to have you," I stated with admiration. "And _you're_ lucky to have _me_!" I added playfully with a smile, pressing my index finger into his chest. I then turned from him to feign resuming my hunt through my closet.

"Oh, is that so?" Jasper laughed, requesting further explanation.

"Yes. You've just made my point for me," I replied, sliding more hangers randomly along the rail. "You would never think to take some time away yourself, so you need _me_ to make sure you're well and taken care of — in other words, going on this day-trip."

"Ah. I knew there was a good reason I keep you around," Jasper played along. Though my back was to him, I could hear the smile in his voice and was thankful for the return of a lighthearted mood. However, I still felt the need to convince him of my motives.

"Whatever it is that's going on with Edward, he's going to be alone tomorrow anyway, so there's no reason not to take a little time for ourselves," I continued to rationalize. "I mean, you have to admit that the idea of it sounds appealing, right? I know it hasn't been easy for you. Even with Edward doing much better, having him affected by your ability takes a lot of concentration on your part. We can just take a long drive, just you and me, where you don't have to be bothered by anyone for miles around. Think of this getaway as a way to recharge. Make yourself even more useful to him after your head is cleared. You know?"

I spun around again when I ran out of hangers, realizing that I had been rambling without any feedback from Jasper, and when I looked at his face, a silly grin was plastered to it.

"I never said that I didn't want to go, Alice," he revealed. "What time do we leave?"

I frowned with mock annoyance. "Then why did you let me ramble on and on?!"

"Because I never get enough of hearing how much you care about me," he said, running his hands down to both sides of my hips. His melted butter gaze softened me. "I feel it all the time of course, but when you speak it at the same time it feels like an extra comfortable blanket wrapping around me. And the best part is that between me and that blanket, is you, pressing right up against me. Now, Alice, why in my right mind would I want that feeling to stop?"

I shook my head and tugged at the front of Jasper's shirt until his lips were an inch from mine.

"I'm the luckiest one of all to have you, Jasper Whitlock."

-

-

**Bella's POV**

Mom was going to be in Seattle tomorrow. She called last week to invite me to meet up with her because Phil had a ball game scheduled there, but I had never given her a definitive answer. With everything that was going on with Edward, I wasn't sure if I should go. Not that Edward would object, of course, but I knew I would feel distracted if I went, and that wouldn't be fair to Mom, especially since I rarely got to see her. But after last night, it seemed that things were finally beginning to look up between Edward and I, so I felt more comfortable with the idea of going after all. I called her up and said that I would meet her at their hotel tomorrow sometime in the afternoon.

I would be leaving first thing in the morning, and Charlie mentioned that he wanted to see me off, so I spent the following night in my own bed, without Edward by my side again. Though we had finally spent the previous night together with no problems, there was still a shred of hesitancy on his part to be completely alone with me. Maybe a few more nights at his house with Jasper close by would ease him into feeling comfortable with the idea, but for now I understood if he still wanted to be cautious. I could wait, and I _would_ wait for him as long as I had to.

I woke up at eight o'clock the next morning, and Charlie gave my truck a once-over before I left to make sure it was in good condition to make the long drive. He even offered to come along. I declined his offer, and had to struggle not to laugh at how visibly relieved he was about that. Though his purpose was simply to make sure I was safe, I knew Charlie could think of a million things more appealing than spending the day with my mother.

He hadn't mentioned Ethan since that first time in my room. From what I learned, the official search ended a few days after his death, and only a small group of his family and friends had continued to look for him after that. Posters of the missing boy littered the streets of Forks on storefront windows and electric poles, and the face that was undoubtedly haunting Edward's mind, had crept into mine as well. As dismal as it was, I didn't let it overtake me. I buried it away and focused on how things with Edward were finally progressing.

I called Edward that morning to talk casually for a few minutes before I left, and was on the road by nine. The morning was overcast again. I knew the sunshine wouldn't last very long. It never did. But the dreariness failed to settle into my spirits as well. I was actually in a fairly good mood as I drove down the highway toward Seattle.

I was close to Port Angeles when my cell phone rang.

"Hello?"

"Bella, Honey, it's Mom. Have you left Forks yet?"

"Yeah, just over an hour ago, why?"

"Shoot, I'm sorry, Honey, but I need to take a raincheck on our plans. Phil got into an accident at batting practice."

"Oh my God, what happened? Is he okay?"

"He got struck in the face with a fastball. He's doing alright but they're taking him to the hospital for stitches and to check for a concussion. It's not serious but I doubt he's going to play in the game tonight."

"Well, I can come meet you at the hospital," I offered.

"No, no. You don't have to do that. You're still closer to home than you are to here. I think it's best that you just turn around and we'll catch up another day, okay?" Mom replied insistently. "I'm so sorry, Sweetie, I know it's last minute."

"It's okay, Mom. Tell Phil I hope he feels better soon."

"Thanks, I will. I'll call you later, Bella. Bye."

So much for playing catch-up with Mom.

I drifted into the right lane and took the exit into Port Angeles. As my truck idled at a red light, I debated spending a few hours in town. A split-second later, memories of the last time I was in the city reminded me why I shouldn't be there alone. Images of the dark street and the men that threatened me last year flashed in my mind, making me shudder. It was doubtful Edward had followed me this time, and even though it was silly to assume anything similar in nature would happen to me, I decided against staying.

I became lost in my thoughts about that night, and every moment with Edward leading up to this very day... It seemed that all Edward has done was protect and rescue me from one thing or another for as long as I've known him.

The sound of a ferry horn broke me away from my thoughts. When the light turned green again, I circled around to get back onto the highway and started heading West, back toward Forks; back toward my protector.

-

-

**Edward's POV**

Silence. Lack of sound was something I rarely experienced. I was constantly surrounded by a continual buzz of thoughts of everyone near me. Over the years I've mastered how to tune them in and out, choosing which thoughts among the clamor that floated through my mind to concentrate on, but it was never completely silent unless a large distance reduced the noise to a hush.

This morning was one of the moments I was enjoying the silence. After speaking to Bella on the phone, I planned to stay home to do exactly nothing but enjoy the lack of sound. Jasper and Alice left hours ago on their trip and the rest of my family had plans of their own that removed them from the house.

A few hours went by before the quiet fell away. It began with the irritated cawing of a several crows, followed closely by the sound of tires rolling over lose stones; approaching footsteps; soft and steady breathing; an eager heartbeat... however, not a single thought was to be heard among those invading sounds.

I would have been saddened of my fading silence had I not realized who was responsible for stealing it. I could have sensed her from a thousand miles away. Bella. For a fraction of a second I was filled with bliss, until I remembered that I was without a safety net. The clash in my emotions was dizzying, and the knell of the door chimes added to the uneasiness.

I walked downstairs into the foyer and grasped the metal handle of the door. Despite the apparent progress from the night we had spent together, I wasn't entirely comfortable with letting Bella inside. The fact was that my allies were absent, and right now the only thing ensuring Bella's safety was the thick wooden front door that separated us.

However, something inside my head whispered to me, urging me to open the door; insisting that I had spent enough time already agonizing over what _might_ happen. The confidence I lacked in myself was only at arms reach, though it stubbornly skittered backwards each time I attempted to grasp it. I set my jaws together tightly, fed up of the constant what-ifs, and when the doorbell rang a second time, I opened the door before the chimes evanesced.

Bella greeted me with an innocent smile. "Oh good, you _are_ home. Hi!"

"Hey. What are you doing here? I thought you went to Seattle," I asked, doing my best to appear neutral.

"My mom had to cancel." Her smile slowly faded as she spoke. Apparently I wasn't doing a good job at concealing the apprehension from my face. "What's wrong?" she asked, tilting her head to look around me.

Aware that I had yet to move from the doorway to let her inside, I felt my eyebrows pinch together as I decided how to respond. "Alice didn't tell you that she and Jasper were going out of town today?" I said carefully.

Bella simply shook her head as she understood what that meant, and her eyes saddened. "Do you want me to leave?" she asked softly.

I suddenly become furious at myself for causing the hurt in her eyes. As patient and understanding as she'd been with me lately, she did not deserve that look on her face. "No, of course not," I said adamantly, moving back from the threshold. "Come inside."

She remained motionless on the porch, undoubtedly because of my own initial reaction rather than her own hesitancy. I held my hand out for her to take and softened my features.

"Please."

Bella accepted my hand and joined me inside the house. Releasing her hand from my mine, she stepped a couple paces ahead before turning around again to face me again. "Where's everyone else?" she wondered as I closed the door front door.

"Out. It's just us."

I wondered if her knowledge of us being the only ones in the house would cause her to finally become leery of me, but her expression did not display any concern. As usual, it seemed I was the only one to be unsure, and it bothered me to feel any insecurity, especially after our successful night together. I knew it needed to stop.

"Come here," I beckoned softly and reached for her, gently pulling her into an embrace. "I'm sorry, I was just surprised to see you here. I didn't think we'd be alone for the first time without knowing about it first. But it's fine. I didn't mean to make you feel like you should leave."

"I understand, Edward, it's okay," Bella replied with an encouraging smile.

Her growling stomach decided to join the conversation.

"Hungry?" I smiled, thankful for the relief.

"I guess I am," she laughed shyly. "I haven't eaten anything since the Cheerios I had this morning."

We went into the kitchen and I fixed her a sandwich with a glass of orange juice. She ate while standing by the kitchen counter and we engaged in some casual conversation. Jasper's absence made me positive that my feelings were my own, and I was relieved that I wasn't feeling like I was a danger toward Bella. However, I still had trouble trying to ignore the elephant in the room. I waited until there was nothing but crumbs left on her plate to address it.

"Bella, I just need to know, are you concerned at all about being completely alone with me right now?"

Bella finished what was left in her glass, then set it down. It clinked loudly as it met the granite counter top, making me look at it. Truthfully it was simply an excuse to avert my eyes from hers. My insecurity was beginning to embarrass even myself.

"I was in Port Angeles today," she stated.

Those two words automatically stirred up memories from last year that I would rather have forgotten. I frowned at the reminder of the vile intentions those men had toward Bella, but didn't interrupt, curious as to why she was saying this in response to my question.

"Well, I drove through on my way back," she clarified, picking up her empty dish in one hand, and the glass in the other. Walking to the other side of the kitchen, she lowered them into the sink and looked out the window above it. The creeping clouds had huddled together and turned the white sky to charcoal. She continued to stare outside as she spoke. "Just passing through made me think about how you rescued me last year from those creepy guys. You remember?"

How could I forget? I nodded as she watched me through my reflection in the window.

"My point is that I feel safe around you. You've always been there for me, protected me... How could I possibly ever think of you as a threat?"

Her comment moved me. I walked over and hugged her into my body, resting my cheek against her temple.

"I trust you, Edward. I think it's time you start trusting yourself," she said softly.

"You're right," I whispered.

Could I really just dive in? Could it be that easy? I started off by testing the waters...

Sweeping Bella's long hair to one side, I gently placed my lips to the nape of her neck and let them linger there. Testing myself, searching for a warning sign that I should stop, I waited... No red flags appeared, so I pushed further ahead. I breathed in the sweet scent of her hair and gently kissed her warm skin. Her soft sighing encouraged me to forge a trail further upward, and I buried my mouth into the small crook behind her ear. I felt her shiver in my arms. Her hands rose up to my forearm and her fingers tightened against it as she held me more securely against herself. Closing her eyes, she tilted her head to the side, allowing more access to the skin that warmed my lips, while her very essence warmed my heart within my chest.

Simply holding her and feeling how relaxed she was inside my embrace had more of a calming effect on me than anything Jasper had fabricated for me. I became completely enraptured by the magic of her. I watched her with wonderment, and began to reflect on myself. If Bella was able to be so confident, why shouldn't I as well? I didn't know why it was so hard to accept her unwavering trust in me, but if a little self-confidence was all it took to fully embrace happiness then maybe I should try harder in attaining it. Take the risk, a leap of faith... Instead of expecting the worst, perhaps it was time to expect the best.

"You know, I couldn't have reached this point without you, Bella. You can't begin to understand how grateful I am to you," I explained, watching her beautiful face in the window. "Things _are_ better now. I can feel it," I added, and kissed the side of her head.

She opened her eyes again and smiled at me. "You don't have to convince me, Edward. I trust you," she reiterated. "I always have."

"I know you have," I said, brushing my lips against her skin as I spoke.

I decided then and there to grab hold of what should rightfully be mine, and if I was going to trust myself, I was going to take the biggest leap of faith I could think of...

I spun her around in my arms until she faced me, and tilted her head upward by her chin. Her skin was like silk against my hand. I stole a moment to sweep my fingers downward along her neck to further enjoy its smooth texture. After the momentary distraction, I returned my gaze back to hers and smiled lazily.

"I don't know what I did to deserve you..." I mused.

I began to slowly walk against her, causing her to step backward with me until her body met the wall.

"Bella, if you're still willing to give yourself to me, wholly and completely, I would gladly have you."

She looked at me reticently with a small smile playing at her lips. "What are you saying?" she wondered, despite the growing comprehension that was apparent in her eyes.

It was difficult to tear my focus from her parted lips which she licked over nervously. There was nothing that could change my mind now. All I requested was her consent.

"You know what I'm saying," I replied, and slipped my hand underneath the hem of her shirt on the side of her waist. She flinched as my cold fingers came into contact with the bare skin. "I promised that we would do something before I changed you."

She stared at me as she visibly realized what I was suggesting. "But what about—"

I shook my head, disregarding her unspoken concerns, knowing that she was about to address her own promise to marry me first.

"I know I said that I wanted us to be married first. And I would still like to wait until after before I change you. But for the rest... well... I don't want to wait any longer," I looked at her insistently, needing to show her I was more than serious. "I love you. I want you. _Right now_." And with those words, I sealed her mouth with mine with an intensity I had been reluctant to test in the past.

Bella responded as I hoped she would, kissing me back eagerly, gripping onto the side of my arms, but after a short moment she pulled back slightly, drawing in a sharp breath in surprise as our lips briefly parted. She peered into my eyes as if waiting to see if I would change my mind, but I kept my determination apparent in my expression.

She nodded, and wove her fingers through the hair at the back of my head.

"You have me," she conceded with a whisper.

-

-

Surrender. There was nothing sweeter than to give in to my heart's desires. I had ignored its pleas for far too long.

I took Bella to my bedroom and shut the door behind us. One by one, our discarded clothing fell to the ground like the last of autumn's leaves until Bella stood bared before me, timidly peering into my eyes. With my hands on her hips, I fell to my knees in front of her beautiful pure form, and tenderly brought my face against her stomach. I sighed at the discovery of how soft her skin felt against my mouth. Combing her fingers back through my hair, Bella encouraged my discovery. I noted her every reaction, from the smallest sigh, to how her stomach muscles tightened when I painstakingly dragged my bottom lip across her skin. She was fascinating, and I wanted to know more.

Sweeping upward with my lips, I explored every inch of her newly discovered skin until I was standing again. Nudging the bridge of my nose beneath her chin, I tilted her head upward with it to kiss affectionately along her throat. My lips found the soft skin where her neck met her jaw, and I instinctively lingered there.

Not long ago, I had told her that I was afraid of her pulse, but as I felt it thrumming wildly against my mouth, the desires I craved as a vampire, were overruled by what I craved as a man. A smile escaped me with my revelation, and I knew in that moment that I had nothing to fear.

Laying her down on the bed, I lowered my body down against her warm bare flesh, resting myself between her thighs. I felt an aching in my chest like never before; a love so intense it verged on pain. Years of practiced restraint and caution, thrown to the wind for a chance to express my love how I craved to. Though I had nothing to prove, I wanted to show her that I was capable of loving her the way any normal man could love his woman. With no fear, no danger. Bella deserved it, and she made me feel like it was possible.

I looked into her eyes with silent question, and she nodded her consent.

Finally daring to push forward, I joined our bodies as one. Bella drew in a sharp breath at our union and expelled it shakily, causing me to become motionless above her.

"Am I hurting you?" I whispered worriedly.

After a short pause, Bella shook her head and placed her hands at either side of my face. "You could never hurt me," she whispered back, and with a slight lift of her hips, she urged me to move.

A wordless conversation then proceeded between us. Through timid smiles and breathy sighs, soft yet eager touches, we took each other to a place completely new to both of us. Conscious of my movements, I was careful with her delicate form, and we soon fell into a comfortable tempo. Her fingers entwined with mine and she squeezed my hands spasmodically in contrast to our rhythmic pace.

Completely intoxicated, I clung to her, attempting to be even closer than physically possible. To know her this way was rapturous. Her heated skin, slick with a thin sheen moisture rose to gooseflesh simultaneously. Hot and cold, her body could not decide what to feel. It mesmerized me.

Her fingers curled into my shoulder blades, then balled into fists as she hugged my body into herself, urgently pulling at me with the insides of her wrists. Neither of us could get close enough to the other.

"Edward..." My name rushed past her lips in a heavy breath against my face and I sucked her bottom lip eagerly into my mouth, swallowing her verbal ecstasy.

Bella had become nearly breathless despite our slow rhythmic pace throughout. She lay spent beneath me, her bottom lip clamped in between her teeth as she attempted to regulate her breathing. I rested myself against her and just held her sweetly, feeling her hot breath tickle my shoulder.

This was the definition of bliss.

Her wild heartbeat reverberated against my chest, making it feel as if it were my own. I lifted my head from her shoulder to peer deeply into her eyes.

"Is this what it's like to feel alive? It's been so long..." I sighed.

My angel just smiled at me and my heart could not take it anymore. I was right... Our love surpassed the doubts and fears, and my leap of faith had proven to be more than worth the risk.

I reveled in the moment, and bent to press my mouth against her swollen lips. I kissed her with a newfound eagerness and desire that displayed thankfulness and relief. She responded the same way, and with an added passion that rose faster than her quick breaths.

"I love you," she panted into my mouth.

My already heightened senses were laden with pleasure and I was flooded by every essence that was Bella. It was like I could taste her love; see it, breathe it, hear it, feel it... And it was glorious... The sweet flowery aroma of her bed-messed hair; the softness of her lips as they danced with mine. The sigh in her voice that escaped from her mouth in the fraction of a second when our lips parted between each kiss. But the most exhilarating part of it all, was the faint flavor of her blood that found its way onto my tongue.

~*~*~*~

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**_A/N: Comments are greatly appreciated. Please leave one!_**


	13. Splinter

**Chapter 13: Splinter**

**Bella's PO****V**

The loud crashing sound of the bedroom door swinging violently against the wall behind it startled me away from my kiss with Edward. Before I could even look in the direction the noise came from, something collided into Edward with such force that it threw him off the bed.

I screamed, seeing nothing but a blur of motion as the force took him all the way across his room and crashed him into his bookshelf. A small shower of books and CD cases to rained down over him and whatever it was that had barreled into him.

Once the flash of movement stilled at the base of the bookcase I discovered the source of the disturbance.

"_Alice? What are you doing?_" I shrieked in utter confusion. Bolting to sit upright, I grabbed at the bed sheets and lifted them up to cover my exposed naked body.

"_Bella, get back!_" Alice shouted at me as she climbed on top of Edward's back and hooked her arms through the bends of his elbows.

I couldn't register what was happening until Edward lifted his head up and looked directly at me, baring his teeth. With an aggressive snarl he attempted to jump at me, but Alice fought against his weight and pulled him back, keeping him anchored to the ground. I choked on my words as a startled gasp overtook them.

His eyes glinted, and like oil spilling into an amber sea, every trace of color was blotted out until nothing was left but two ravenous pools of ebony. They were fixed intently on me, dark and unrecognizable, though his intention was impeccably clear... He wanted to kill me.

I watched in horror as Alice struggled to restrain what I could only describe as a feral animal possessing my lover. He writhed violently within her grasp, and I stared in shock, unable to make sense of how little tiny Alice could manage to hold back a man twice her size.

"_Get out of here!_" Alice yelled at me again, the urgency in her voice startling me out of my momentary stupor.

Bending my knees, I sent myself reeling backward against the headboard, but could not get myself to pull my eyes away from what was happening before me. I knew that I should run, but for some reason I just couldn't. Clenching the sheet in front of me tightly inside my fists, I crouched against the wooden frame, puzzled as to what had happened to set Edward off.

"_Edward, stop!_" Alice shouted at him hysterically, but it was as though he didn't even hear her pleas. He continued to fight aggressively against her as she struggled to keep him from getting to me. Edward's focus on me was frighteningly unyielding. He growled, uttered savage grunts, but never a single word escaped his lips, as though he really was some kind of vicious animal with a single primal goal in mind:

To Feed.

I felt my body grow cold as Alice's grip around Edward faltered, and he whipped one of his arms free. Then the other. He finally managed to shake her off completely, then crouched down low, and I knew he was ready to pounce for his prey.

I screamed at the anticipated attack, and pushed myself backward to try and escape. I braced myself for the impact as Edward flung himself toward me, but then I lost my balance when I reached the edge of the mattress. As I fell backward onto the floor, I landed hard on my back at the same moment that Edward landed on the bed.

His black eyes flashed with voraciousness as he peered down at me, but before he could leap a second time, Alice managed to climb back on top of him again. Then Jasper came out of nowhere and slammed into Edward straight on, sending all three of them careening against the headboard with such a force that it split the large section of wood into pieces.

Infuriated by the constant resistance, the intensity of Edward's growls escalated with each passing moment he was kept from me. He fought back viciously against his siblings as they battled to restrain him.

I tried desperately to scurry backward along the floor to evade the chaos above me, but didn't get far at first. My legs had become tangled in the bed sheets. I kicked and tugged at the silky material, and started to panic as I struggled to free myself from the twisted linen. The sounds of aggressive snarling and fighting made my fingers clumsy, but I eventually managed to free myself enough so I could back further away from the bed, just barely able to protect my modesty with the sheet as I hastened to get away.

There was a deafening thud as the brawl suddenly fell from the bed and onto the floor again, in my direction. I hadn't gotten six feet away before Edward reached out for me and caught the edge of the sheet in his fist. He yanked it violently toward himself, and had it still been wrapped around me I would have been reeled in right along with it, but instead it simply tugged free from my hands and I was left completely exposed and vulnerable.

Crying out again in fear, I hurtled myself backward until I hit the wall, and crouched inward on myself to protect and hide my bare body. Both Alice and Jasper were on top of Edward now, trying to push his chest down to the floor and pin him, but Edward was fighting back harder. An awful grating sound suddenly tortured my hearing. I peered over my folded arms to see Edward gouging grooves into the hardwood floor with his fingers, trying to find purchase and leap for me. With widened eyes I stared as Jasper prevented his attempt by grasping Edward's left wrist, pulling it back underneath and across his body so that he collapsed onto the floor. Alice managed to secure his other arm the same way, and now Edward was pinned to the ground looking as though he was wearing an invisible straight-jacket. Jasper pressed his weight down heavily on Edward's shoulders, ensuring that he couldn't move.

My heart bled as I watched Alice and Jasper battle to control Edward. I silently begged this moment to pass quickly and for Edward to be shaken out of his craze. As much as it terrified me, I couldn't bear the thought of how much he would be tearing himself down afterward for allowing himself to act this way. As I watched the struggle, I came to an alarming realization... Edward had been hostile for far too long. What was taking so long for Jasper to tranquilize him?

"_Jazz?_" Alice exclaimed in distress, as if reading my mind.

"_I'm trying!_" Jasper assured just as frantically, strangely shaking his head as if attempting to clear his senses.

Immobilized and unable to fight back in his current position, Edward simply lifted his head off the floor and looked at me. He screamed his rage, throwing his voice at me as though it was something tangible he could use to ensnare me with. I could only stare in shock at the perversion of his actions. I was unable to comprehend what had caused him to suddenly lash out when only moments ago we were laying in each other's arms in perfect peaceful bliss.

Not long after Edward got pinned down, he finally started to calm down. All the fight in him slowly faded, and he rested his head on the floor as his body turned motionless beneath his siblings' hold.

"Okay, I got him," Jasper said, his tone finally more confident.

"Easy, Edward," Alice soothed. "Easy, now."

The hard black glare that had been affixed on me the entire time refused to abandon its post, and though Edward was visibly sedated, there was a harshness in his eyes that would not soften. I swallowed past the lump in my throat and tentatively reached out to recover the bed sheet from the floor. Enveloping myself in the bedding, I sat huddled against the wall and, barely blinking, watched as Edward's family continued to placate him. My heartbeat refused to slow, and along with the help of my frayed nerves, I trembled uncontrollably as I tried to figure out what had just happened.

A few moments passed in near silence. Jasper's soothing murmurs was the only sound in the room as I waited, unsure of what to expect next. I was too afraid to say anything in fear that I might break Jasper's calming spell over Edward.

"Are you okay?" Alice's voice interrupted my thoughts. It took me a moment to realize that she was addressing me.

My mouth opened to speak, but it couldn't properly formulate words. My jumbled thoughts threatened to expel just as muddled as they were in my brain. I nodded unconvincingly and exhaled a shaky breath. I looked back to Edward, and by the way he was peering at me, I felt like I was looking at an impostor. Something definitely wasn't right.

"What happened?" I asked him, my voice breaking.

No answer came from him. He stared at me as though I had said nothing at all.

"He tasted your blood," Alice answered instead.

"My blood?" I wasn't even aware that I had been bleeding.

Alice noted my evident confusion. "You must have bit your lip earlier or something," she speculated, then lowered her head again. An awkward silence followed the allusion to our love-making.

An unconscious reaction in the midst of passion... Was something that innocent really responsible for breaking down the man I loved? I tongued the inside of my mouth and found a slight abrasion along the inside of my lower lip. The unintentional wound I had caused myself was very faint, and there couldn't have been much blood at all, but apparently it was just enough.

"Let's get him up," Jasper said to Alice, and lifted his weight off of Edward's body. "Edward? I'm going to help you stand up now, okay? Let's get you covered up," he said, speaking very soothingly. Alice adjusted her grip as well from a restraining hold to a supportive one, as she served as a crutch to help Edward up.

Sullen but cooperative, Edward allowed them to lug him to his feet. Alice fetched the rumpled duvet from the end of the bed and hung it over his shoulders. Folding it forward with his arms, Edward closed the heavy drape in front of his body, still without having said a single word. Both Alice and Jasper remained at either side of him within arms reach incase he attempted to lunge at me again, but he never did. He simply stood there like a statue and continued to glare at me.

I found the strength to stand myself up, but kept my distance and pressed my back up against the wall. Only about ten feet separated myself and Edward, but it felt like ten-thousand miles. There was an unrecognizable tenor about him and I almost felt more fearful of him now than when he was clawing for me.

"Edward?" I pleaded for a response, and waited in anticipation for him to say something; anything. The silence was torturous.

"You see what I am?" Edward said, finally breaking his silence. His voice low and ominous.

I shook my head reassuringly and dared to step forward one pace. "Edward, it's okay. You slipped. It's not your fault."

"You're right, it's not... It's _your_s," he bit back unexpectedly.

"Edward!" Alice hissed.

It felt like a boulder had dropped to the pit of my stomach, and I reverted back against the wall.

"What?" It was the only thing I could muster. I realized that I had mistaken his tone for remorse, but any hint of it was now clearly absent from his expression.

"Now do you still trust that I could never hurt you?" Edward said, then motioned with his head to his siblings on either side of him. "Why do you think they come rushing back? Because _they_ know what I am. _They_ know I'm dangerous, despite any kind of '_progress_' I've achieved... _You're_ the only one, Bella, that's _foolish_ enough to think that by believing, by _wishing_ it were true, I can deny what I really am... what I really _want_."

Though subdued, he was possessed with an anger and resentment so intense that not even Jasper's ability could cloak it entirely. Edward made no attempt to attack me physically, instead, a twisted kind of muted violence seeped out through his coal black eyes, and in his words which served as daggers that plunged straight through my heart.

"This is your fault, because you _made_ me believe it too," he concluded, driving the blade as far as it would go.

The shock of his stinging words paralyzed my tongue. I couldn't even form a coherent thought in response to what he was saying to me. I tightened the bed sheet around my naked body, subconsciously shielding myself from his heartless claims.

This was not Edward. It couldn't be. I stared at him in disbelief through unshed tears, searching his eyes for a glint of recognition; a hint of remorse; any sign at all that he didn't mean the horrible things he was saying... but I found none. He was completely void of anything resembling the man I once knew.

"No amount of trust can change what I am, Bella," Edward declared. "I should never have allowed you to convince me otherwise."

I crumbled inside.

"But.. You said you wanted me," I whispered in defense, horrified that Edward admitted regret to what took place between us. I pressed my quivering lips together to still the tremors, and held my breath to silence an impending sob. I glanced at Alice and then to Jasper, suddenly feeling embarrassed about what had occurred between Edward and I... what I had _thought_ to be an act of love. Alice looked at me sympathetically while Jasper just averted his gaze.

"What I _want_, is running through your veins. What I _want_, I can't get unless I rip through your flesh."

My eyes lowered to the splintered lacerations in the wooden floor by his feet.

"So I ask again... Do you still think I could never hurt you?" Edward patronized, catching where my eyes had landed.

I shook my head. "You're not yourself," I insisted, avoiding his question.

"No, this is _exactly_ what I am. _Trust me_."

There was no aggression in his voice to excuse his tirade as simply frustration. Edward spoke with an eery calmness, making his words hurt that much more. Even though Jasper was the cause of his demeanor, he must have meant what he was saying. He was calm enough to be able to assess his thoughts first before slaughtering me with them.

"Edward, that's enough. Stop this!" Alice interjected, as Jasper simultaneously clamped his hand down on Edward's shoulder.

"Edward... Enough..." Jasper admonished, though his tone was also strangely pleading. Jasper cringed and knit his brows, undoubtedly feeling my pain along with whatever madness he was suppressing for Edward.

Though he silenced his onslaught of vicious claims, Edward's heartless expression prolonged my pain as his black eyes silently tore into mine. My tears finally overflowed and streaked down my face, burning my cheek.

"You don't mean this. I don't believe this is you talking. How can you honestly feel this way after everything you said earlier? After what we just..." I trailed off, and looked at the bed where we had just made love. It now rested in shambles, its frame completely shattered beyond recognition. "I love you, Edward," I uttered pathetically, hoping to penetrate beyond his insanity and reach the part of him that harbored the same emotions for me.

Edward cocked his head slightly. "Well, I hope _you're_ satisfied, Bella... _One_ of us should be." he said, massacring what was left of my broken heart.

I felt sick.

Through narrowed slits I glared at my lover, and for the first time, saw nothing but the demon within him. "You're a monster. _A MONSTER! _Get away from me!" I cried. Words I never dreamt I'd speak to him pained me in the worst way as they shot past my lips.

I turned from him and made for the doorway, but as I stepped over the trail of our discarded clothing, my legs buckled underneath me and I fell to my knees, shaking and sobbing. I couldn't take any more devastation. Part of me wished that Edward would have succeeded in killing me in the first place so that I wouldn't have had to suffer this excruciating pain.

_I'm sorry, Bella. I didn't mean any of it. Please forgive me. I love you._

Words I begged to hear ran through my mind, but it was the only place I heard them.

I felt a pair of arms wrap around my shoulders, but they were much smaller than those I craved to have comfort me.

"Come with me," Alice whispered as she helped me to my feet. I let her usher me into the hallway without another look back. I couldn't bear another look into the darkness of Edward's eyes.

My world was spinning out of control. I could barely focus on moving one foot in front of the other as Alice lead me down the hallway to her bedroom. I could barely see through the dam of tears in my eyes. I could barely concentrate on anything other than the feeling of my soul being ripped apart.

But what I did notice was the boom of the front door slamming shut followed by the sound of Edward's car peeling out of the driveway. I lifted my eyes to Alice and watched as a look of horror developed slowly on her face.

"He's gone," she whispered, refusing to meet my eyes. "Edward's gone."

_**

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A/N: Comments are greatly appreciated. Please leave one!**_


	14. Seeing Red

**Chapter 14: Seeing Red**

**Edward's POV**

The sky blackened with angry clouds as I drove East, away from my ultimate temptation.

It was over.

Bella had cast me away, and so, I fled. Regardless how I felt, I kept to my word. It was the only instance in which I would ever leave her again, and truthfully, I was thankful for it. There was no doubt in my mind that I would have ended her life had she not banished me. Her blood had awakened the devil inside of me; the ravenous beast that had been starved for nearly a century. To have been denied yet again after being so close, it was angry... _I_, was angry. There was no point considering the monster and I as separate entities anymore. It was me. I was him. That was fact. It was foolish of me to think that the darkness could dissolve. Where could it have gone? It was trapped inside an endless maze with no exits. It could only hide... and sit... and wait for an opportunity to strike.

I had placed my trust in her faith, and it failed me. Humiliated that I had no control over what possessed me, any horror I felt about nearly killing Bella was trumped by fury. Even as I was muzzled by my brother's ability, beneath my sedated exterior I could only think one thing:

_How could she do this to me?_

This was _her_ doing. I was betrayed by the trust that Bella had placed in me, and it was almost too much to bear. I was infuriated with her for making me believe, when all along I knew better. _She_ weakened me, _she_ made me drop my guard. _She_ made me want her in the way I shouldn't have... in more ways than one.

So, I was eager to evade Jasper's hold. I needed to properly feel my rage.

My foot depressed the pedal beneath it even further, and the needle of the speedometer climbed along with my fury. But my indignation was briefly interrupted by the minute part of me that still felt compassion. I thought of the look on Bella's face as we had become one; the devotion in her eyes as she breathlessly professed her love for me... Then to the look in her eyes as I attempted to slash her to pieces, and the horror that drained her soul by the cruelty in my words. Her shattered hope had fallen toward the floor. Its shards sliced her wrists on their way down. I knew that I had said killed her spirit; her infallible vision of me.

My stomach tightened, reminding me of my hunger, and I groaned at the pain. I didn't have room for devastation. Lividity and hunger were already battling furiously inside me as it was. I quickly stifled the short-lived remorse and clutched the steering wheel tightly in my grasp.

Remaining still inside the confines of my vehicle was unbearable, and although I sped down the highway at close to ninety miles an hour, I didn't feel like I was going fast enough. I needed to move.

Skidding to a halt on the shoulder, I flung the door open and ditched the car. I didn't even bother to shut the door. I broke past the tree line that bordered the road and ran into the woods. My legs carried me through the maze of trees and rocks, dust and mud, moss and fern. I was back at square one, only this time, it was worse. This time, I was completely alone with nobody to run towards for solace and comfort.

I don't know how long I ran. Running usually aided in easing my tension, but the further I ran, the only thing that diminished was my patience. Short pangs of heartache would stab through me, but were quickly replaced by anger when the lingering taste of Bella's blood made me salivate, fortifying the reality that I was nothing but a creature of darkness.

My hunger was the only thing that interrupted my fury.

A small herd of elk were drinking from a nearby stream, and I automatically launched myself at the nearest bull. I tore aggressively into the animal's throat, but what it offered me did not even come close to slaking my desire. Its blood tasted rancid on my tongue. Removing my mouth from its wound, I shoved the struggling animal away from me in disgust. The bull's head cracked against the trunk of a redwood, and painted it with blood and brains before slumping heavily onto the mossy earth beneath it. I watched with disdain as the wasted blood dripped down along the bark. Despite the painful hunger that tormented me, I rejected the animal, and resented it. I resented them all... those _substitutes_ to what I inherently craved.

I spat out what coated my tongue and raised to my feet again, knowing these animals would never satisfy me...

...but then I caught a scent in the air of something that would.

I didn't realize how close I had gotten to the city. Port Angeles wasn't too far away. Standing motionless, I closed my eyes and breathed in the air around me. The aroma of the city's inhabitants was simply mouth-watering. My lids lifted to reveal the animal corpse in front of me, but instead of resenting it, I was overcome with indifference. I averted my eyes and subconsciously took a step toward the alluring scent in the distance.

Whether I wanted to or not, I was on a new hunt now.

I never wanted to be a monster, but the demon inside was now the only one whose arms were open for me, welcoming me into an accepting embrace.

Constant failure of trying to fight what I am was frustrating. I refused to fall victim to my nature again. Perhaps the only option left to ensure that I wouldn't was to succumb to it. What was the point of fighting when only person's judgement I cared about had no hope left for me? She acknowledged me as the monster I truly was, so what difference would it make to her if I actually carried out the monstrous acts my kind was known for? If I was going to end up killing someone again it was going to be on _my_ terms.

Simply considering surrendering to my nature caused the pain inside to numb. I even scanned my surroundings with the suspicion that Jasper had followed me and that what I was feeling was entirely synthetic, but he was nowhere to be found. Knowing that I had managed to achieve my own hint of peace convinced me that I was on the right track.

I exited the Northern borders of the woods and walked right into Port Angeles. The onslaught of the tempting aromas burned my throat and nostrils but I managed to remain calm and focused on my intentions. Walking the streets just as casually as everyone else was, I stalked the masses and picked up on each individual scent as I searched meticulously for the most appealing choice. If I was going to do this, I was going to do it right.

The dark clouds above hadn't yet spilled its dreary contents, though a low rumble in the distance signaled an approaching storm. A few people readied their umbrellas at their sides — an automatic reaction to the common sound of their environment. A little girl wearing bright yellow rain boots hopped excitedly in response, and she pulled at her mother's hand. As they approached me, her innocent smile faded as she sensed something about me that clearly disturbed her. Neither the girl or her mother were of any interest to me. Ignoring the mother's accusing glare, I looked away as I brushed past them, and continued on my way.

Burying my hands into the pockets of my jacket, I kept my head down as I walked, refusing to acknowledge the piercing pain in my heart. Just then, a rush of wind carried with it what I was searching for, and it stopped me in my tracks. I lifted my eyes from the cracks in the sidewalk to the intersection in front of me. Dangling an arm out the window of a dark blue Audi, a man in his mid-forties, wrapped in an expensive business suit, waited at the red light. He tapped his fingers impatiently against the metal as he waited for the light to turn green, and not even a millisecond after it did, he leaned heavily on his horn and shouted obscenities at the Jeep in front of him for not moving quickly enough.

_Drop dead! _were the thoughts of the driver of the Jeep. Suddenly, I was more than eager to grant that wish.

Incessant with his string of obscenities, the man in his luxury sedan peeled left at the corner and I crossed the street in pursuit, keeping my pace at a brisk human walk. Thankfully I was able to keep him in my sights. About three blocks away, he took another turn and disappeared from my view, but there was only one place he could have possibly been heading...

The ferry to British Columbia.

When I reached the terminal, a voice over an intercom indicated the few remaining minutes before final boarding. Though absent from my view, I was certain the man had driven onto the ship. His scent lingered in the air around the dock, and I found myself unable to resist approaching the vessel.

I paid my fare and boarded the ship, scanning over the passengers as I climbed the steps to the upper deck. Moving in a dreamlike state, it didn't feel as though I was controlling my own body. I simply moved wherever I was guided, becoming a willing puppet to the master pulling at my strings. However, I was glad for the distraction. Having something else to concentrate on allowed me to ignore the mess I had left behind with... Bella. Simply thinking her name caused tension to sink its talons into my bones. I gritted my teeth, berating myself for allowing my mind to wander from my focused task, and forced the memory to the darkest corner of my mind.

_"... For safety and security reasons, all vehicle passengers are required to exit their vehicles and to ascend to one of the upper-level decks while in transport. For more information on onboard safety, or to know more about the features of this ship, consult the information panels located on both passenger decks..."_

I paid little attention to the safety and information recording that looped from the speakers throughout the ferry. It was doubtful that it would provide me with what I was seeking.

The ship had begun its cruise, and I paced circles around the lower deck, seeing through people as I passed them, only identifying them by their individual scent. Inhaling deeply, sea salt and metal added to aromas of the passengers, yet the one that belonged to the man I had been tracking continued to evade me.

I walked to the stern and looked out toward Port Angeles Harbor, unnerved by the possibility that my subject hadn't boarded at all. Leaning over the railing, I stared at the frothy white wake that churned behind the ferry like the disgust in the pit of my stomach. Even in my attempt at being myself I had managed to founder.

Just then, a sweet flowery aroma wafted toward me, and I cringed at the invading thoughts coming from a young woman not far behind me.

_I wonder if he's as hot from the front as he is from behind!_

Straightening my back, I clenched my jaw as she came to stand right beside me.

"You might want to head for cover soon. It's going to come down any second," she said, pointing up at the grey sky. She leaned back against the railing and cast me a flirtatious smile.

I kept staring at the Port Angeles shore for a moment, then turned to peer at her from the corner of my eye. Instead of replying, I fantasized about throwing her to the ground and ripping away the soft flesh at the side of her neck with my teeth, painting the deck in bright ruby with whatever happened to spill past my lips...

But I didn't really _want_ her. I wanted _him_. Whether I was being stubborn or just stalling, I couldn't determine, but I refused to settle for another substitute. I've had enough with tolerating consolation prizes.

"Get away from me," I growled bitterly under my breath. She didn't hesitate to retreat quickly from my presence.

I looked back toward the shore that was now barely visible on the horizon and calculated how long it would be before the ferry docked at its destination. The saturated aroma of the humans on deck had suddenly become overwhelming, and it caused me to panic. What was I thinking, trapping myself on a boat with all these people without any escape? I needed to leave the deck and find someplace where I wasn't bombarded by the aroma that had begun to taunt me.

I turned around and stormed down the deck at my quickest human pace, holding my breath as I swept through the crowd. Heading for the staircase that descended into the lower level vehicle parking area, I hoped to find solace beneath the crowd.

It was better underneath in the graveyard of abandoned vehicles. I leaned back against a pillar and closed my eyes in an attempt to hypnotize myself by the repetitiveness around me — The hum of the ship's engine; the subtle rocking from the surrounding waves; the clicks and pops of a flickering fluorescent light bar... Eventually I allowed myself to breathe again. It smelled of rubber, fuel and engine oil — scents adequate enough to mask what saturated the ship above me for the next hour or so.

But they couldn't mask what accompanied me here down below...

My eyelids snapped open. He was down here.

Venom pooled underneath my tongue as his scent permeated the air, overshadowing everything else. I spotted the blue Audi immediately a dozen rows ahead. I moved quickly between the rows of parked cars, following the steady heartbeat to the passenger side door. Not even the tinted windows could shield its contents from me.

I gripped the handle and pulled door open. Slouched in the driver's seat, he lay sleeping like a conveniently placed prize at my disposal. He startled awake as I sat down on the passenger seat beside him and slammed the door. Looking at me with confusion, he slid himself up in the seat. Anger quickly replaced his confusion as he took offense to the stranger that trespassed into his car.

"Hey, asshole! What the fuck are you doing in my—"

I didn't let him finish expelling his irritation. Moving swiftly, I leaned toward him and covered his mouth with my right palm to silence him. His eyes grew wide with fear as I forced his head to the side against the window. Before I could change my mind, I sank my teeth deep into his throat and tore through his artery. Hot pulsing _human_ blood rushed into my mouth, and I sucked it back with urgency. The moment it coated my throat, any good conscience I had left vanished, and I became a complete slave to my instincts.

He tensed and groaned in pain, coughing blood through his mouth that ran out between my fingers.

His blood dowsed the century-old inferno that had been blazing inside me, and the feeling of it was cathartic. There was nothing in that moment but the feeling of relief and complete satisfaction. Even his silent goodbyes to his family were merely whispers in the background in my mind, overshadowed by my euphoria. Finally, _this_ tasted right. _This_, felt normal.

My left hand tightened around the man's shoulder as I secured myself against him. The solid feeling beneath my palm gave way as the bone cracked and crumbled under his skin, like a hollow chocolate Easter egg collapsing inside its foil wrapper. He muffled another scream and grew weaker as I continue to feed off of every pulse of his fading heart.

With each swallow, I also reeled my reserved place in hell closer and closer... and I welcomed it.

The body turned limp and lifeless, and when the beating stopped, I pulled away with a satisfied rush of air, licking over the sticky droplets left on my lips. Sitting back in my seat, I felt tired but satisfied like never before. A sense of renewal and invigoration coursed through me, as though his blood was cleansing the decades of neglect.

I stared at the body of the man I killed, not because I _had_ to, not because it was an accident, but because I _wanted_ to. Finally, I had managed to regained control over myself... But at what cost?

Lowering the sun visor in front of me, I looked at myself in the small rectangular mirror embedded in the leather. I watched as a dark red hue gradually seeped into my irises, and swirled into the black pools until they were saturated with blood, drowning out any recognition of myself. Finally given a face to the whispers and urges I'd heard calling from inside, I was left staring into the eyes of my enemy. The man beside me was not the only one to have died in his car. As his life slipped away, he took me with him, and the demon took my place.

Edward Cullen, was gone.

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**_A/N: Comments are greatly appreciated. Please leave one!_**


	15. Placing the Blame

**Chapter 15: Placing the Blame**

**Jasper's POV**

The heavy weight inside the rain clouds fell to the ground, surrendering to the pull of gravity. I couldn't imagine that the force that caused Edward to yield to his desire was different in any way. It was just as natural — that I believed — but it didn't make it any less disheartening. I could understand Edward's pain — I faced it myself more often than I ever let on — but to actually allow it to consume him was something I never fathomed would come to pass.

It was more than just thirst that took over Edward's mind. What had possessed him was stark madness. I felt it as Alice and I were fighting to restrain him from attacking Bella in his bedroom earlier. The ferocity of Edward's thirst and fury threatened to engulf me as well. Before I could attempt in calming it, I had to evade it, and it took me a while before I could. Thick and tar-like, it hadn't been easy to elude. I battled simultaneously against Edward's emotions as I fought physically to keep him from harming his lover. Miraculously, I had been able to tranquilize the chaos before it claimed me as well, though it was not without great difficulty.

When he uttered his heartless claims to Bella, they not only shattered her heart, they sliced through mine as well. Bella's pain also became mine, adding to the load I was already carrying. I felt it all — Edward's rage, his thirst, his humiliation and betrayal... Bella's devastation and heartache... Alice's trepidation, and even my own anxiety about holding everything together by what felt like a thread. It had quickly become too much for me, and I did not know how much longer I could endure it. In fact, the pain of keeping Edward's darkness hostage was unlike anything I've experienced before. Even the first night I kept Edward sedated a couple weeks ago seemed like a mild headache in comparison.

I prayed for relief, and when Bella ran from the room with tears in her eyes, I selfishly used it as my excuse to obtain some. Reiterating Bella's demand, I insisted that Edward get dressed and leave the house. It was selfish of me, and though Bella had cast Edward away first, I knew I would have made him leave if she hadn't... and not for her benefit... for my own.

And now, Alice had revealed to me that Edward killed a man. He surrendered to the evil and drank human blood, and I couldn't help but feel like I could have prevented it. I shouldn't have let him leave the house. I should have ensured that the madness possessing Edward wouldn't get the better of him. Instead, I simply allowed him to run off — a ticking time bomb set to explode, all because I was too weak to help when it counted most.

"It's not too far now," Alice's soft voice interrupted my thoughts. I looked at her and nodded once, then turned my eyes to the dashed lines in the center of the road that flew by one after the other.

Alice's grip on the steering wheel became more tense as we approached our destination, both of us wishing, though knowing, that Edward wouldn't be there.

Edward's Volvo came into view by the side of the highway. Its body sat forty-five degrees to the side of the road, the driver's side door left wide open. The unforgiving downpour had already managed to soak the front seat. Edward had vacated with haste, and the proof of it was clearly visible.

Alice pulled onto the shoulder and parked several feet behind Edward's car. We both stared at it in silence as the windshield wipers waved aggressively back and forth in front of our eyes, struggling to clear our view of the abandoned silver vehicle. Staring at the empty shell, I realized that its former occupant was just as equally abandoned. Edward was no longer in the driver's seat, both literally and figuratively. He had become a slave to his desires, and to return from that would not be an easy task.

A crippling pain echoed through my being, and though I tried to hide it from Alice, she didn't need my ability to sense my anguish. Turning toward me, she set her right hand on top of my thigh. Her concern for me was radiating from her in powerful torrents that I didn't feel I deserved.

"Jazz —"

Before Alice could finish what she was about to say, I pulled away from her, opened the passenger door of the Porsche and stepped out into the pouring rain. I raised my umbrella over my head and walked toward Edward's car, not feeling worthy of any consolation that was meant to dismiss my guilt.

I could have done more. My moment of weakness was the catalyst of Edward's fall.

The rain fell in heavy sheets, forming a liquid curtain around me beyond the shelter of my umbrella. It battered angrily against the top of the nylon, sounding like a thousand knocks of a judge's gavel sentencing me with an eternity of shame.

When I reached Edward's vehicle, I paused between the open door and the frame of the car, and reached into the pocket of my jeans. I palmed the spare key of the Volvo inside my fist, and listened to the rain break around Alice's form as she followed after me. I felt her arm hook through mine and I turned my head, incapable of shielding the sadness in my eyes as I looked down into hers.

"I shouldn't have let him leave the house. He would have never killed anyone," I speculated.

Alice gave my hand a small squeeze. "Don't do this to yourself, Jazz. This isn't your fault. You did everything you could."

I shook my head, unwilling to accept her statement because it wasn't entirely accurate. If I _had_ done everything I could, Edward wouldn't have run off consumed by a madness that ultimately deteriorated his will. At least Alice was smart enough to insist that we return home from our trip as soon as she saw Bella was alone in the house with Edward. She's the reason Bella was still alive. Alice had kept her promise to not let Edward hurt Bella. I just wish that I had done my part in preventing Edward from hurting himself.

"I made him leave," I uttered in confession.

"He was going to leave anyway. You couldn't have forced him to stay if you wanted to."

"I could have," I insisted, stubbornly.

Lifting my hand to her lips, Alice placed a soft kiss to the top of my knuckles. The action calmed me instantly in a way only Alice knew how.

"Things will turn out fine. Edward will find his way back," Alice said. I knew she was only trying to make me feel better, but I clung to the hope that somehow, she could really see that somewhere in the future, her claim possessed some truth.

* * *

**Bella's POV**

Resting on my back, I laid on my bed and listened to the rain batter violently against the roof. As I stared at the ceiling, a creeping sense of déja-vù passed through me. I was alone again. It was nearly midnight and the storm had been unrelenting for hours. The only thing that managed to dry up were my tears. I had expended the last of them about an hour ago, and now my cheeks were left feeling stiff and uncomfortable. The sensation was an excuse to allow a brewing frustration to rise to the surface of my emotions. Something had been bothering me, and since I had the time to think about what had happened, I finally pin-pointed what it was...

There was a particular moment after Edward had tried to attack me earlier that stood out among everything that happened. That moment being when I excused his behavior as a result of his nature and attempted to approach him, showing that I wasn't afraid or upset with him. I had made it clear that I knew he didn't mean to try to hurt me on purpose. _"Edward, it's okay. You slipped. It's not your fault,"_ I had said, being unconditionally forgiving of his actions. He had tried to _kill_ me, and still I forgave him.

But it was as though Edward hadn't noticed at all, or that he opted to dismiss it. Instead, he chose to attack me with resentment and disgust, believing that what he is was something I should deny and fear. He blamed me for being foolish and said other awful things to me — things that I knew in my heart he did not truly believe. He was clearly humiliated and angry that he slipped during a vulnerable moment between us — that I could understand, and was ready to brush it off — but he had no right to take it out on me. The more I thought about it, the more my sadness turned into aggravation. I would always be forgiving of his nature, but it was his _choice_ to say what he did to me, and I decided that was not something I could overlook as easily.

I've done the months of desolation before. The suffering, the pain, the emptiness... it was not something I cared to live through again. And the fact that Edward placed me in the same position for a _second_ time, made even angrier.

And what ever happened to his promise not to leave me again?

I felt my eyebrows pinch together. Shrugging out of the blame Edward had placed on me, I deflected it back toward him. If he had only swallowed his pride we could have still been together right now. We could have been picking up the pieces and moving on, but instead, we were moving apart.

My newfound anger and resentment almost felt _good_ — easier to deal with. I clung to it for a while, but it wasn't long before I began to laugh as irony buried me alive.

This is how Edward must have felt. The hurt was too much for him, so he pushed it onto me. Now I understood... but it still didn't make it right. I only hoped Edward would come to this realization as well, and come back for me.

I didn't know if either of us would be strong enough to get past this, but at least I knew I still loved him, and that was half the battle. I just prayed that Edward still had it in him to continue to fight for us. For me. For forever.

I felt my sadness trying to regain power over my anger, and I sighed heavily, frustrated with my conflicting emotions.

I was distracted from my thoughts when the black pitch of my bedroom lightened as Charlie's police cruiser neared the house. Its bright headlights swept through the room in a small arc as he turned into the driveway. Broken shadows sliced by the rain danced across my wall before fading away into nothingness, leaving me consumed in the darkness once again.

Turning onto my side, I faced away from my door with the expectation that Charlie would look in on me. Confirming my suspicion, my door tentatively nudged open a minute later.

"Bells?" Charlie whispered quietly enough to not disturb me had I been sleeping, yet loudly enough for me to hear if I wasn't.

I chose to pretend that I was asleep, lying, once again, to my father. How I yearned to be able to tell him the truth about everything... Swallowing over the growing lump in my throat, I held my breath until I heard his retreating footsteps.

Pulling my pillow out from underneath my head, I hugged it to my chest as I exhaled a shaky breath, wishing that it was Edward in my embrace instead. My mind wandered to how it felt holding him closer than I've ever held him before.

_"Is this what it's like to feel alive? It's been so long..."_

Edward's last kind words echoed in my memory, and I convinced myself that they held more truth than the ones he uttered in darkness. There was no way Edward could have regretted what took place between us. I saw the love in his eyes when we were joined as one. His lips may have professed false regret, but his eyes could never lie.

So, I chose to translate his cruel display as nothing but a charade, and prayed that I was right, because the only other explanation was that he finally realized I was no good for him, and that he gave up on me.

* * *

**_A/N: Comments are greatly appreciated. Please leave one!_**


	16. Drawing Conclusions

**__****_A/N: _**This chapter is dedicated to my dear friends Bratty-Vamp and Jenny-Jen.

* * *

**Chapter 16: Drawing Conclusions**

**Edward's POV**

When the ferry made port in British Columbia, I unsuspectedly drove off inside my victim's coffin. His spilt blood had caked across one side of the driver's seat and stained my jacket. My last conscious thought as I drove through the city was that I'd need to find a change of clothes. Suddenly, I was parked in front of a lake, staring through the windshield and a heavy curtain of rain. It was hours later, for the sky had gone black, but I could not recall the time having passed at all. The rain seemed to be falling upward as it struck the surface of the lake, making it impossible for me to discern up from down. In another blink of an eye, I was watching the vehicle sink beneath the surface of the water in which I stood submerged up to my knees. One more epileptic flash later, I found myself wandering aimlessly through the dense Canadian forest. The awning of evergreen branches did little to shelter me from the violent downpour, but seeing that I was completely soaked anyway, it didn't make a bit of difference.

The strobes of sporadic consciousness were intoxicating. The human blood I ingested had lifted me to a powerful high that I desperately clung to, because in the back of my mind I knew what would be waiting for me once it faded. I rode the wave for as long as I could, but when it came crashing down I literally collapsed as well, knees first onto the wet earth, right in front of Bella. She wasn't really there, of course. It was my mind playing tricks on me. Without hunger and humiliation to distract me, I was finally overcome with the painful realization that I may have lost her for good this time. And despite my earlier claims, it was _not_ her fault. It was entirely mine. The horror of the way I treated her slaughtered me as it replayed in my memory, and I saw it in agonizing clarity for the first time. I _was_ a monster, and she had every right to cast me away. I wept at Bella's feet with tears borrowed from the sky, and sobbed for her forgiveness until my tears ran dry.

I spent that night in my wooded prison, haunted by the shattered expression Bella wore the last time I saw her, then broke the boundaries of the forest early the next morning. I found a highway and headed East, trekking its shoulder at a casual human's pace. The sky was an unthreatening white canvas. Leftover raindrops fell from leaves that had become too heavy to house them. It was relatively calm and peaceful, though I couldn't say the same about my state of mind. Apart from berating myself over Bella, I was shocked to discover the voraciousness of my hunger so soon after it had been satisfied. I found myself having ventured from the highway and into a small town, subconsciously following the scent of humans. The pull had apparently been too much to ignore, but I resisted acting on it... at least for as long as I could manage.

A church bell tolled the hour as I delved deeper into the town. Its deep chimes startled a flock of pigeons, and caused them to take frantically to the sky. Remembering that I was still wearing bloodied clothing, I removed my jacket and tossed it into a nearby dumpster. My shirt underneath was tainted as well, but not as extensively.

I neared an outdoor cafe occupied by a small handful of patrons. They sat at small round tables, enjoying oversized mugs of steaming coffee and indulging in rich breakfast pastries. A young man wearing headphones sang along to the music playing in his ears. The elderly couple sitting close to him glared with identical expressions of annoyance until he took notice. When he did, he petulantly sang louder before finally stopping all together, then got up from his chair to order another coffee, giving the couple an insolent sneer as he passed them. I noticed the jacket he left draped around the back of his chair. As I walked past it, I casually trailed my fingers across the top then snatched it up, sliding my arms through the sleeves without looking back. My action hadn't gone completely unnoticed, but the witnesses were more than happy to ignore it.

I had no concrete plan as to what I was going to do next, and ended up literally walking in circles, trying to ignore my creeping hunger and wishing I could steel my heart. My aimless pacing of the same roads several times over, however, caught the attention of a few people who became suspicious of my presence. Before any of them could act on their impulse to call the authorities, I escaped their leery eyes and checked into a nearby hotel to sequester myself in a private room behind locked doors.

An entire day slipped away as I continued to torture myself. It was midday, but my small hotel room remained dark as night. I kept the heavy curtains drawn, and they blocked out any light the clouds themselves failed to cover. I sat in an armchair at the back of the room, staring down at the tiny slivers of wood that were still trapped beneath my fingernails, wishing I could forget how they had gotten there.

Between guilt and the urge to feed again, I felt trapped in yet another dead end. No matter what I did, pain seemed to follow me. The only remedy I could think of was having Bella in my arms again, only she wanted nothing to do with me... I wanted desperately to call her to hear her voice, but I knew I had no right to. Even if I returned against her wishes, how could I begin to apologize for my iniquity? The notion of her being forgiving was outrageous. I did not deserve absolution, but I'd come to realize that I refused to live without her.

As I deliberated, my door suddenly swung open and the fluorescent light from the hallway sliced through the darkness of the room. The trail found me like a spotlight which revealed me from beneath the black shroud. There was a small gasp made by the housekeeper as she discovered my presence.

"Oh, I'm so sorry. I didn't know you were still here," she apologized. "I'll come back later."

I kept my eyes downcast, not wanting her to notice the unnatural color of my eyes until I was reminded by the hollow feeling inside my stomach that they must have reverted to black again. I looked up in time to see Bella backing out into the hallway, pulling the door closed with her.

I stood up with a jerk.

"Wait! Please don't leave!" I called out, one inch before the door shut completely. "I'm sorry!"

With extreme hesitancy, it swung open again, and she reappeared. Though upon second glance, it clearly wasn't my Bella standing before me, and it wasn't just the bronze-plated name plate engraved with the name 'Jennifer' pinned to her uniform that confirmed it. Her brown hair was black, and straight as a pin. Brown eyes were blue, and she was at least three inches taller and ten years older than she seemed initially.

That woman was not Bella.

I could have sworn it was her. Or maybe it's just what my mind wanted to see. My guilt had been causing her to materialize everywhere, and since I could not sleep, my dreams and nightmares overlapped onto reality like a thin layer of cellophane.

I sat back down in my chair in disappointment, feeling stabbed with a fresh dagger of heartache.

The housekeeper peered at me oddly as she dithered in the doorway, her hand still clutching the doorknob tightly inside her fist.

"Please, just do what you need to do," I uttered with a sigh, urging her to carry on with her business.

She nodded leerily and entered the room, dragging a vacuum cleaner behind her. She flipped up the light switch on the wall, then made a quick visual scan of the already impeccable room, establishing with relief that she did not have much to clean. Since I hadn't used the bed or the bathroom, she simply proceeded to vacuum the carpet as quickly as she could manage, thankful that she didn't have to spend more than a minute or two in the room with me.

In less than five seconds of being in Jennifer's company, I found myself regretting the decision to allow her inside my room. The taste of venom flooded my mouth. I swallowed it down and clenched my jaws together, hoping I could keep myself from attacking the girl. Despite the fact that more than a small part of me really wanted to savor her blood, killing her in my hotel room wasn't the smartest idea. I had at least enough wits about me to know that much. I contemplated leaving the room, but instead I discovered that I was unable to move. Or perhaps, it was a subconscious unwillingness to...

I found myself unable to tear my gaze from her as she ignited a familiar yearning within me. I watched the housekeeper intently as she moved about the room, passing the noisy cleaning device across every square inch of the carpet. She cleaned the expanse of the room, leaving the area in which I sat for last. When she passed the vacuum directly beside my chair, she turned her head to look at me, and caught me staring at her.

That's when her heart began to pound like a scared fawn trapped in the sights of its hunter. She quickly averted her eyes, and with a quick flick of her thumb, she turned off the vacuum cleaner and decided to neglect the floor on the opposite side of my chair. She stood frozen for a second or two — long enough for me to enjoy the warmth that was radiating off her heated skin — then she turned and wheeled the vacuum back toward her only exit.

She turned around halfway when she reached the open door.

"Is there anything else I can do for you?" she asked, solely out of obligation. She avoided my gaze and busied herself by ravelling the cord around the vacuum stand as she waited for my response.

_Please say no. Please say no. Please say no. _

I granted her repetitive silent plea with a slight shake of my head, and she left quickly before I could change my mind. I heard her sigh of relief from the other side of the closed door, and let out my own in suit, knowing that if she had stayed another minute more, I wouldn't have denied her. Risky not not, I could feel my judgement slipping away with every moment she was around me.

And that's when I realized the impossibility of returning to Bella in my current condition. If I could barely stand being around an average human without attacking them, how could I possibly deny the one I wanted most?

I needed to somehow... desensitize myself.

Suddenly I knew what had to be done. In fact, I had _always_ known.

_"If I have to kill a thousand people to keep you safe... then I will."_

I had said those words to Bella on the night of Ethan's fateful demise; the night I learned that I had become the greatest threat to her safety.

The solution was abundantly clear... Starving my demon didn't work, so instead, I was going to drown it.

Killing that man on the ferry had been a moment of surrender, but I knew now that it was the right thing to do. He was only the first of my intended victims that would serve a purpose greater than simply satisfying my hunger. I had to dilute the craving so that the next time I stood before her, I wouldn't be so out of control. I could only pray that she would understand, and know I was doing this for her.

Resolute in my decision, I stood up and gathered what little belongings I had. I knew I had no choice but to switch off my conscience and bury my emotions if my plan was going to work. I had to refused to let myself get distracted by guilt. What I was going to do was for her, for _us_ — if she'd accept to take me back — and I couldn't follow through with even a sliver of hesitation. After I've accomplished what I set out to achieve I would attempt to regain myself, along with Bella's forgiveness, but until then, I had to do what I was created for... Kill.

"I haven't given up on you, Bella. Please forgive me for what I'm about to do," I whispered, and wondered if Alice would relay my message to her. I had made up my mind. It was the only solution. "This is for us."

And with that, I left my hotel room for good, along with whatever semblance of decency that remained within me.

* * *

I waited for the night sky to set the scene of my hunt and ended up prowling the streets of a nearby metropolis. It being mid-week, the area was more subdued than a weekend might have normally been, yet a pub across the street from where I stood was full of vivacious life. It was a congregation of young adults, and the scent of alcohol and pheromones were pungent, even from where I stood.

I assessed my location, trying to decide whether or not I should move on when a young woman made up my mind for me. She stormed out of the pub in a huff of aggravation. Her long strawberry-blonde hair swung behind her, cascading midway down her back in large bouncing curls.

She freely released an irritated groan and sat down on the metal bench by the side of the road. Sweeping away the tears that dewed her lashes, her thoughts were a buzz of overlapping fury.

_"Fucking asshole! Who the hell is that girl, anyway? Did he really think I wouldn't notice, or did he actually WANT me to catch him sticking his tongue halfway down that bitch's throat? Is that his pussy-ass way of breaking up with me? To make ME do it? Fucking loser son-of-a-WHORE! He can fucking go to hell for all I care. God-damned spineless piece of..."_

It went on and on like this inside the girl's mind. Her hands trembled as she reached into her purse in search of her '_mother-fucking cigarettes_'. The more her irritation swelled, the stronger her pulse thudded, and it warmed her blood, making her scent more and more alluring.

As if her fragrance alone wasn't enough to attract me, the blood-red blouse she wore was like a sign from below, marking her as my next indisputable target. Her wide collar flirted with the edge of her shoulders and dipped low in front to display the tops of her breasts where a small pendant hung between them from a thin golden chain. A bejeweled letter 'K', no larger than a thumbnail, swung back and forth as she rummaged through her purse.

'K' finally recovered her pack of cigarettes and freed one from the small cardboard box. After tucking the butt between her lips, she continued to fish through the cluttered handbag for a lighter, alternating her inner commentary between cursing out her boyfriend and her inability to '_find a fucking way_' to light her '_fucking cigarette_'.

Slipping my hand into my jacket pocket, I palmed a weapon — a book of matches left there by its previous owner — then crossed the street toward 'K'.

She was muttering as I approached, still having been unable to locate her missing item.

"Would you just... give me... a fucking _break? _Just _one!_" the girl seethed into her purse. Her cigarette bobbed up and down as she raved.

'K' was so occupied with her own hunt that she didn't notice I was standing right in front of her until I extended my hand into her line of sight, holding the book of matches toward her.

She stared at them in my hand for a beat, then raised her eyes to the sky with gratitude without even once looking at my face. "Thank you, Lord!" she spoke around her cigarette to the man in the sky. If only she knew He had nothing to do with me, and that my intentions were anything but noble.

Shaking her head in a gesture of exasperation, she closed her fingers around my offering, but as she pulled the matches toward herself, I refused to release them. 'K' frowned confusedly at my action and finally lifted her eyes to meet mine for the first time.

In the fraction of a second it took for me to splay a devilish grin across my face, I knew I had succeeded in winning her over. Her mental diatribe stopped mid-sentence and the color in her cheeks flushed to a rosy pink. It was a very fine line between playful and predatory, but by her intrigued expression I knew I had fooled her enough to think it was the former.

Her grey-green eyes remained locked with mine for a few moments and she returned a playful smile of her own.

I had her. I could taste her already.

I sat down beside her on the bench and angled my body toward hers. We were still joined by the small cardboard square between of our fingers.

"May I?" I asked.

Without waiting for her consent, I reached forward with my other hand and grasped the cigarette from her mouth between my first two fingers, purposely letting them graze her lips as I secured it between them. She didn't flinch in the least. Her eyes simply fused with mine as though she had fallen into a trance. Her grasp on the matches fell away, leaving the book solely in my possession again. I placed her cigarette between my own lips, tore a match from the pack, set it ablaze, and lit the end. The small red glow finally diverted her eyes to my mouth, and I blew a thin wisp of smoke out from between my lips before holding her cigarette back out toward her.

She took it from me, clasping it gingerly between the tips of her forefinger and thumb. After studying my face for a few moments longer, she took a short drag.

"Thanks. You're a life-saver," she said, smoke spilling out in the company of her words. She was still staring at my mouth as she spoke. I took the liberty of licking over my bottom lip. After a few seconds her eyes returned to hold my gaze again as the grey smoke danced upward between our faces.

"I'm Edward," I offered.

She smiled. "Kathryn."

My eyes slid downward to her pendant. "Kathryn," I repeated, mildly interested to discover what the initial stood for, though it lent little importance... I planned to forget her name as soon as I could possibly manage.

She liked the way her name sounded coming from me, so I said it again because I enjoyed the way it made her heart jump.

"Nice to meet you, Kathryn."

"Pleasure is all mine, Edward."

Kathryn had clearly forgotten about her former tribulations by the way she was starring at me. I didn't need to be able to read her mind to know what she was thinking. After taking a second drag, she offered her cigarette to me again, but before I could accept it, the glass door entrance of the pub swung open behind us. As a small handful of people exited, Kathryn quickly retracted her hand as though she had done something wrong. Her flirtatious expression wiped clean off her face like a flipped switch, and she turned her head, expecting to find her boyfriend among the group. Her brow ruffled slightly upon discovering his absence, and she indulged herself with another deep lungful of smoke.

_What the hell am I thinking? Patrick's not looking for me. He's too busy sucking that bitch's face off. And why should I even care if he did find me out here? It would serve him right to find me flirting with a guy a thousand times hotter than he is!_

She looked back to me and contemplated acting on her impulse for revenge against her boyfriend. Her lips formed a peculiar grin that was equally conniving as it was coy. Suddenly regaining her flirtatious demeanor, Kathryn slid along the bench to get closer to me. The movement caused her skirt to ride slightly up her thigh, though she didn't care to adjust it. The irony that she thought _she_ was using _me_ nearly bowled me over, but I continued to play the game. Besides, she was only making it easier for me to accomplish what I set out to achieve...

The din from inside the pub floated around us until the door trapped the music and buzz of conversations behind it again.

I mimicked Kathryn's demeanor and slid one arm across the back of the bench.

"So, I noticed that you came out of that pub a few minutes ago," I started. "Did you leave any friends inside?"

The reminder of why she was outside in the first place caused a whirlwind of profanities to bombard her thoughts and I couldn't help but enjoy the way my question made her heart hammer. She quickly recovered but chose to answer me with a question of her own.

"Are you saying that you've been watching me?" she wondered, her tone playful.

"Maybe, just a little," I admitted.

She took my statement as flattering. With the lack of attention her boyfriend was giving her, it was safe to assume she would take it no other way.

"There's nobody in there I want to be with," she half-answered my previous question. "Out here, on the other hand..." she trailed off and placed her palm suggestively on my thigh. It travelled upward an eighth of an inch before her touch faltered as she second-guessed her nerve.

"You know what? I can't do this," she said, pulling her hand away. Her irritation with her boyfriend's behavior was getting the best of her, and she decided to drop her charade. She turned her face up and rolled her eyes. "How the hell does Patrick do this without blinking? That shithead has no fucking conscience..." she muttered with an exasperated sigh then stood up in front of me. "I have a boyfriend. Well, I _had_ one," she admitted, then continued to suck the life out of her cigarette.

I pretended to look surprised.

She took a final drag from the dwindling cigarette, then dropped the butt to the pavement, causing a miniature explosion of red embers before crushing it with the skinny heel of her shoe.

"He's in there right now making out with some random girl and he doesn't even know that I know about it. For all he knows I'm still in the ladies' room reapplying the lipgloss that he sucked off just five fucking minutes earlier!"

Unable to contain her frustration any longer, she groaned with aggravation and continued to divulge the truth.

"I mean, I feel like a complete fucking idiot! I should have known… I really should have known. He did this to me before. His roommates had a keg party. I had to work late, so I got there after everyone was drinking. And then I saw him sitting on the couch with Lisa Tanner's hand down the front of his pants! And of course he was all, like, '_I'm so sorry, baby. It didn't mean nothin', baby'_, and he said he was drunk. But whatever. He's in there now, practically having sex with that girl on the pool table and we haven't even been drinking that much. He's just a whore. And he likes the attention from any cheap slut with a short skirt. I hope he gets herpes! I hope his dick falls off! And you know the worst thing? He talked me into coming all the way up here with him like some sort of romantic weekend to, like, work on our problems and stuff. I didn't even tell my roommate where I was going! I just packed a bag and left to come up here, thinking that this time he really had changed. He hasn't changed! Not one fucking bit! And I guess I haven't either, because I'm still fucking falling for his bullshit!"

She kept talking on and on, barely taking a breath. I stared at her, genuinely intrigued, not by her rant, but the way her anger boiled her blood and the way the drumming in her chest amplified with each passing moment. It was music to my ears.

She sighed defeatedly, indicating the end of her tirade. I would have genuinely felt sorry for the girl had I not already abandoned my conscience, but I displayed a look of sympathy nonetheless.

"I'm sorry, you must think I'm like, the biggest freak ever," she apologized, looking embarrassed. "I don't even know you. I shouldn't be bombarding you with my problems."

I stood up beside her. "It's alright. I understand. The guy's an ass. You have every right to be pissed."

She miraculously seemed to have run out of words. She just stood there, flustered and embarrassed, and contemplated lighting another cigarette.

I stepped even closer to her.

"Can I suggest something?" I said lowly.

She nodded, looking desperately into my eyes.

Lifting my hand to her neck, I carefully brushed her hair back then leaned in close, relished her scent, then whispered, "Make him suffer."

She pulled her head back so our faces were only inches apart. A glimmer of mischief shone in her eyes and she narrowed them with intrigue.

"What... do you want to go inside and make out with me in front of him?" she said with a laugh, more than half-jokingly.

I laughed along lightly but shook my head, keeping my head close to hers like we were co-conspirators. "Just take off," I said, signaling with my head toward the opposite direction of the pub. "Leave. Don't even say another word to him. Just disappear. Make him wonder what happened to you."

She peered at me skeptically. "As if he even cares..." she scoffed.

"Oh, he does," I ensured, then turned and took a few steps away from her. Intrigued, Kathryn kept to my side to follow, and we walked down the street in a sedated pace. "Eventually he'll come looking for you," I continued, "and when he finds out you're missing, he'll go crazy with worry and guilt. He'll realize you're in a strange city and wonder if you're safe. He'll try calling you, but you won't answer. He'll look for you at your hotel, but you won't be there. You'll have vanished... taking his sanity with him."

After a few more paces, Kathryn stopped walking entirely, her bottom lip tucked beneath her teeth as she considered my proposal. I halted as well and faced her.

I needed a final nail for the coffin.

"You should hurt him just like he hurt you." I shamelessly fed her resentment, using her fragile emotional state to my advantage, and it was working. She was picturing herself leaving with me and using me in her game of revenge.

Kathryn finally nodded and muttered nearly incomprehensibly, "Fucking bastard deserves it."

"He deserves it," I repeated, pulling a cheshire grin. I then turned my back to her and began walking away.

I had her, I knew it one hundred percent, but for some reason I played with her like a cat releasing the mouse it caught, just for one last chase before its claws ran it through...

"It was a pleasure meeting you, Kathryn," I called out, talking over my shoulder. "Take my suggestion. He deserves the torment," I added.

Not a second passed before she beckoned for my return, just as I expected she would.

"Edward, wait! Can I come with you?"

I swallowed the rush of venom before turning around, then held out my hand in invitation. "Absolutely."

She grinned like an ecstatic child and took my hand. "My mother would kill me for going off with a strange guy I just met. Promise you won't drag me into a dark alley and kill me?" she laughed.

I grinned and I slid my hand up to around her wrist like shackles, feigning a false imprisonment. "I promise," I replied truthfully...

Dark alleys were so cliché.

* * *

**_A/N: Comments are greatly appreciated. Please leave one!_**


	17. Off the Deep End

**Chapter 17: Off the Deep End**

**Edward's POV**

_'People'_ ceased to exist, as did _'victims'_ and _'the innocent'_. From the moment Kathryn breathed her last breath, they became nothing to me but vessels; glasses that held my wine. My means to an end. And one by one, they fell like dominoes. The first was a calculative move, and the rest toppled effortlessly; the next one always easier than the last.

The days that passed bled into each other. I refused to keep track of time. The only thing that mattered was obtaining control over myself – an ability to suppress the painful _need_ for human blood. My goal was to make the act mundane, to transform the gourmet meal into stale bread and flat water, but with each hunt, I only found myself wanting more rather than having built up the tolerance I had hoped to achieve. But I kept at it, because I refused to believe that I'd lost her forever. I would rid myself of this disease, then eventually beg for her forgiveness. This was the only way I could manage it. Of that I was convinced.

I remained discreet with my kills, never stalking the same town more than once, though it was tempting to cause a massacre simply to reel Jane in for my revenge. She deserved to suffer my wrath for having forced me down the path to my self-destruction. Jane never needed to threaten to take Bella away from me, for it had happened anyway, and I hated her for it. If not for her torturous ability I would have torn her head off long ago.

I became lost in a fantasy...

_Surrounded by a lake of blood and human carcasses, I sat on my heels and watched through my drunken crimson eyes as Jane walked toward me. She floated, her cloak barely touching the ground, and came to stop directly before me. She surveyed the evidence of my destruction with disdain, though amusement was also clearly written on her face. I glared up at the girl I hated with a petulant sneer as fresh warm blood dripped from my lips._

_"You've made quite a scene here, Edward," she patronized, shaking her head._

_"You can't take anything else away from me, bitch," I laughed, spitting ruby droplets across her face._

_She wiped her cheek slowly with her finger, then smiled. Her lips parted and her voice erupted in a sadistic cackle as she reveled in the irony of my loss. I just watched her and continued to smile. I let her have one last moment of pleasure before I sprang forward and attacked her. She was powerless as I bit into her throat and separated her head from her shoulders. The maniacal laughter cut short and escaped from a new hole in her neck. Her body slumped to the ground and shattered into a hundred pieces, each of which transformed into a cawing crow that took to the sky._

I refused to let Jane be another reason for why I lost Bella. The fantasy fueled my determination to regain what I had lost, and it was with thoughts of revenge that I bled my latest carcass. It could have been anyone, male, female, I couldn't know for sure, because all I saw when I was done were the eviscerated remains of the cloaked demon girl from my fantasy.

**

* * *

Jasper's POV**

Songbirds trilled their morning chorus as I walked through the woods that bordered the house. Alice was several feet in front of me, scanning the surroundings for game when she suddenly stopped dead in her tracks and spun around. She looked at me with a look of horror that distorted her beautiful face.

I nearly doubled over in pain by the intensity of her anguish as she experienced her latest vision. When it ended, she ran back to me and wrapped her arms around my neck. She clung to me like a scared child trying to escape her nightmares.

"It's going too far, Jazz," she cried tearlessly and trembled against my chest. "We need to stop him before... before..." she trailed off, refusing to finish her thought, but I knew what she was going to say: '_...before we lose him for good_."

My heart ached for her. It hadn't been easy for Alice since Edward left. She had been keeping a close eye on him through her visions for over a week, and they had not been easy to endure. Edward was under the misconstrued notion that killing people would help him heal, and there was nothing we could do about it without driving him further away... at least not without the promise of what he wanted most: Bella's safety and forgiveness.

Up until this point, Bella knew nothing of Edward's doings, and that needed to change.

Alice's visions had become increasingly painful with each fallen victim, like a progressive cancer deteriorating her mind and her heart. If we did not act soon we would completely lose the brother we knew and loved. The possibility that Edward would find his way back on his own was looking to be less convincing with each passing day, and there was only one person that could snap him out of it...

I pressed my lips to Alice's cheek to comfort her, and bathed her in waves of serenity.

"It's time," I said. "Call Bella."

**

* * *

Bella's POV**

I awoke to the sound of a deep repetitive buzzing. As I blinked to clear the veil of sleep that hazed my vision, the blurry red lines on my alarm clock eventually transformed to read 7:45. I followed the noise to my nightstand to find my cell phone shaking from its vibrations. Grasping it clumsily with my sleepy fingers, I squinted to read the name on the display screen, then frowned in confusion when I discovered who the caller was.

"Alice?" I answered with a yawn, only expecting her call hours later. She had been calling me at exactly 11:30 since Edward left, which was ten days ago... not that I was counting. She didn't admit to it, but I knew Alice was doing it so I'd have something consistent to rely on – a reassurance that she was there for me... when _someone else_ failed to be. I appreciated her gesture. The dependability was comforting.

"We need to talk. Can you come over?" Alice said without offering a greeting.

"To your house?" I asked apprehensively. I hadn't been over there since the last time I saw Edward. Actually, I purposely avoided the scene of my most recent nightmares. The thought of Edward's house alone forced memories I would rather have forgotten to the forefront of my mind.

"Sure, I guess. When?"

"As soon as you can. I know it's early in the morning, but it's important."

"What's going on?" I asked nervously, wondering why Alice was being so vague.

"I'll explain when you get here," Alice replied, and hung up before I could ask any further questions.

Anxiety overwhelmed me. There was only one thing it could be about. Edward.

In the days that passed since Edward left, I was adamant to keep myself from falling into the same void as the one I lived in when he first left me. Despite the difficulty of it, I tried not to think about him, at least not in ways that left me in tears. So, I pretended nothing was wrong. Sometimes I even had myself fooled. I lived in denial the best I could, holding onto resentment and anger because they made a stronger wall around me than one of tears could make.

Despite what happened, I was still sick with worry for Edward. I couldn't help wondering where he was and what he was doing. I felt awful that he probably misconstrued my calling him a monster, and wondered that maybe he refused to return because he thought I've finally seen him as one, or that I could never forgive him. As heart-wrenching as they were, those thoughts were still less painful than to think he was truly disgusted with me. The last things Edward said to me were in such hate and disgust that I wondered if I could ever erase them from my memory.

But for the most part, I had adopted a facade of indifference to help me cope. I figured that my grudge against him was unconvincing, but Alice played along. As long as I didn't mention him, neither did she. I lead myself to believe that since Alice wasn't speaking of him either, that Edward was alright. Surely she would have told me if anything had happened to him, but I stayed behind my wall and refused to ask.

I never revealed to Charlie that Edward was gone again. After all, what was one more lie added to the mountain of them I had already piled up? I didn't feel good about it, and prayed that one day I could make up for them. I even saw Jacob again a few days ago. He was completely healed from the attack, scaling his roof replacing rotted shingles that a recent storm eroded. Charlie had guilted me into accompanying him to Jake's house for a visit as he helped with the simple job. I didn't tell Jake that Edward had left, either. I didn't want to create a complete déja-vù and I definitely didn't want him to serve as my emotional band-aid again. I pretty much kept my distance from Jake, only because his presence reminded me too much of Edward's absence.

I shivered as I walked up the front steps to meet Alice. She was already waiting for me beneath the arch of the front entrance to the house. She offered me a simple greeting then pulled me inside. Her expression was serious and before I could ask, she answered the question on my mind.

"It's about Edward," Alice said as we walked through the house.

"Yeah, I kinda guessed—" I froze mid-sentence when we reached the living room and I discovered the rest of the family gathered there – minus Edward of course. Their eyes bathed me with looks of sympathy and I couldn't help feeling like a widow at a funeral. Icy shivers crept up my spine. The unexpected situation sent me reeling into a state of panic.

"What's going on? Is Edward okay?" I dreaded, searching their eyes for answers.

Esme was quick to reply. "He's fine, Bella," she assured, though her eyes were not as convincing. I've heard those words before. Alice said them in the clearing when Edward ran off... Right before he killed Ethan. Those words gave me no comfort, especially when they were partnered with a look of uncertainty.

"What's this about?" I asked expectantly, looking around the room, trying to get answers from their expressions. I knew it must have been important if they had all gathered together. Even Rosalie, who normally acted sour toward me sent me looks of concern. "Alice?" I turned my focus back to her.

She looked worn and reluctant to speak at first, as if struggling with her thoughts, then finally began.

"You should know that I'm going to get Edward. I'm making him come back home," Alice said, and watched me carefully, waiting for a reaction, but I couldn't decide what kind to give.

I blinked, unsure of what to make of her statement. "Okay..." I replied, making the word sound like a question. Her choice of words, '_making him come back home_' struck me as odd. Why would Edward need persuading? Alice made it seem that he didn't want to or think he should come back. I couldn't help but feel like her purpose was to drag him back to force him to apologize, like some brooding child unwilling to say sorry for calling a classmate bad names.

"Do you _want_ him to come back, Bella?" Alice asked.

Of course I did. I wanted nothing more than to be in his arms again. But what about everything that happened between us the day he left? Was he sorry for the awful things he said? Did he even mean them? How would things be between us if he returned? Would we be able to move on? A million questions flooded my mind.

Alice continued when I failed to reply. "I know he hurt you, and you have every right to be angry... but I _have_ to bring him home and I would like to tell him you're here waiting for him. Are you? It's selfish of us, but we need you, Bella. It would make bringing him back a lot easier."

I frowned, confused by what exactly she wanted from me. "If Edward wanted to come back for me, he would have by now," I argued stubbornly, adding another brick to my wall. "You shouldn't have to force him if he doesn't want to."

Alice gently placed her hand on my arm. I looked at where she touched me before looking back to her eyes where I found a look of sadness clinging to them. "He _does_ want to," Alice assured. "He wants to so badly that he's gone to extremes."

"Extremes? What do you mean?" I waited in suspense for the bomb to drop.

Alice glanced at Carlisle. He gave a her slight nod, then clasped his fingers around Esme's. Rosalie watched me with unease and Emmett began to pace. The tension in the room was crushing me and the ongoing silence seemed to last for eternity.

In my peripheral vision, Jasper lowered his head into his hands and groaned like he was suffering from a migraine. It was him who finally voiced my impatience. "Just tell her, already!" he barked at no one in particular. My eyes widened at his unusual behavior, but no one else reacted to it.

I already felt the gravity of the situation by how Alice held onto me. She was preparing me for horrible news. My mother held me the same way when she told me Gran had passed away.

Alice spoke slowly. "He's sorry for what he did to you, Bella, and he wants to tell you that himself, but he doesn't trust that he's able to face you in person yet. He's convinced that he wouldn't be able to keep from killing you, so he's been... killing other people. He's been hunting them, trying to get used to human blood so he wouldn't hurt you again. He's been doing it for you... to keep you safe."

I felt the blood drain from my face. My knees threaten to buckle, so I sat down on the ottoman next to me and looked up at Alice as I processed her revelation.

"He's killing people? W-What... Why would he... How could he do that? How can he justify..." I couldn't run with a single frame of thought. The idea that people were purposely dying at his hand for my benefit was heartbreaking. To learn that he had killed someone by accident would have been easier to understand — even _one_ person, out of desperation, considering the state he was in the last time I saw him. I always knew that could be a possibility, even though I hoped to be wrong. But I never expected anything like this. Multiple predetermined murders? How could Edward think killing people was a good idea?

"He's not in his right mind," Jasper uttered lowly, his head still facing the ground.

My attention locked onto him as he continued to speak.

"Edward is under the belief that the more human blood he drinks, the less desirable it will become," Jasper revealed, gradually lifting his gaze to meet mine. "I know from many years of experience, that just isn't true. It's impossible to become immune to the craving. The frenzy that occurs the hundredth time that human blood touches our tongue is just as powerful as the very first. We'll _always_ need it, we'll _always_ crave it, and human blood will _always_ drive us insane with desire."

I shuddered at the intensity in which Jasper looked at me, and thought of how he had attacked me at my birthday party last year. He sensed my apprehension from the memory and lowered his eyes again.

He cleared his thoat. "Of course, it takes abstinence and a very strong will to refuse it. But obviously, it's possible," he added, looking around at his golden-eyed family.

Alice took over again.

"What Jasper is getting at, is that Edward is waiting for something that will never happen, and he's going to quickly become discouraged and lose hope, thinking there will never be a way to face you safely again. He'll truly feel like he's lost it all."

Alice closed her eyes for a few moments before she spoke again, as if watching a scene that was playing out behind her eyelids. Either that or it was too painful for her to witness the heartbreak her words were causing me.

"I've looked far down the path he's on, and if he continues down it, he's going to abandon his cause to focus on revenge. He's thinking of surrendering to the Volturi to land a place next to Aro, and once he's there, he's going to find a way to murder Jane. It would be his final act, because it would result in his own death."

I was shocked at the possible future. I couldn't let that happen to Edward. The insanity had to end.

Alice watched me but I was at a loss for words. I was brought back to Volterra and I was running through the crowds again, trying to stop Edward from his certain doom.

"Bella, we have to bring him home before he loses himself completely," Alice murmured, pulling me from my dream. "If he knows he still has something to come back to, it would be easier to stop him from what he's doing. Are you still here for him?"

I looked at her, stupefied at the question which should have held an obvious answer. The entire family looked at me curiously, waiting for my response. Edward hurt me in a way that was close to irreparable, but I could never stop loving him. Even considering the front I put up, I was surprised that they had to question my feelings for him. Was I really that convincing or did they just not want to call my bluff?

I started to feel flush and I just erupted with emotion. "I _needed_ to act like I didn't care! If I seriously think about that day, and those awful things he said..." I struggled to keep my wall up, but I felt it crumbling. Every word I uttered was like taking a direct hit by a wrecking ball. My eyes started to burn with impending tears. "I... I _have_ to pretend it didn't happen. I _have_ to pretend I hate him. Or I just get like... like this!" I cried, annoyed by the fact I was a blubbering mess that I insisted I never become again. "So, yes. My answer is yes. Bring him back to me. He'll _always_ have me... Where else would I go?" My voice faltered and I whimpered at the thought of seeing Edward again. I didn't want him to suffer anymore, I just wanted my love back.

My wall had completely reduced itself to dust, and with shaking hands I wiped my eyes with the back of my sleeve. Esme came over and sat down next to me. She wrapped her arms around me in an embrace until my sobs quelled.

I looked back up at Alice.

"Where is Edward now?"

"In Canada. He's been heading north through British Columbia."

"And... how many people has he..." I couldn't say the word.

"Nine. So far."

"Nine..." I repeated, crushed, my voice breaking. If we didn't do anything soon, even more were sure to die. The fact that Edward was still fighting to save us was a relief, but the way he was going about it was insane. I couldn't let him go through with it any longer.

I composed myself and stood tall, looking at Edward's family with a newfound strength.

"I don't want anyone else to die because of me. The only reason they have is because I'm still _human_. If Edward's so worried that he might kill me when he sees me, then _change me!_ He can't hurt me if I'm already dead," I said with a determined edge to my voice.

I gauged their expressions as they all looked at each other, contemplating, though not refuting my suggestion. Everyone, except Alice.

"No, Bella. Edward wouldn't want it this way," she insisted. "Forget it!"

"He thinks I don't want him anymore! Go to him, like you wanted to, and tell him what's going on. Changing me will prove to him that I want him. That I still want _us_."

"Bella..." Alice tried again.

I interrupted her. "Look, you want Edward to stop killing people and you need to keep me safe... This is the surest way to accomplish both," I stated matter-of-factly.

Alice sighed and finally abandoned the argument. She was adamantly against changing me, but I looked at Carlisle and saw something in his eyes that showed he wasn't. I walked over to him and took his hand in mine.

"Carlisle, I need you to change me," I pleaded, searching for his compassion. "Edward wants me safe, and I don't want anyone else to die for me. Please. Would you do this for me?"

Carlisle placed his other hand on top of mine and enveloped it between both of his. I could see the sadness in his eyes. He wanted his son back, so the decision was an easy one. A tear slipped down my face as he nodded his consent.

"Thank you," I whispered.

With my hand still between Carlisle's, I looked back to Alice, feeling that I needed her final approval. I yearned desperately for her to surrender to the idea. Jasper would have undoubtedly felt the desperation in my heart, and I hoped he would also share the feeling with Alice.

Her face softened. "Okay. Fine. It _is_ one way to stop him, I suppose," Alice admitted, reluctantly. "If you really want to go through with it then I trust your judgement," she added with sincerity, then walked out of the room with Jasper in tow.

Trust.

The word struck a chord and resonated in my mind. It wrapped itself around my heart and suddenly put everything in amazing clarity.

"_Wait!_" I called after Alice. I pulled my hand from Carlisle's gentle grip and rushed after her into the foyer. Alice stopped and turned around again. "I change my mind. Take me with you. I'll talk to Edward myself."

Alice frowned confusedly at my sudden change of plan.

I continued to explain my sudden insight. "When Edward sees me again I _need_ to be human. If Carlisle changes me now it will just prove to him that he can't be trusted to keep me safe, and we can't start our life together if he ever doubts that."

Alice shook her head. "Are you sure? I mean, he is more of a threat to you now than before. He could kill you."

"He won't," I insisted. "But if I'm the only one that believes it, then maybe that's all he needs. I'm going with you."

Edward _had_ to be the one to change me. I was going to show him that I was willing to risk death before showing distrust. If he was searching for something to heal him, maybe my faith in him would be the remedy.

Jasper and Alice shared a look, then both turned their eyes back to me.

"Alright," Alice said, taking my hand. "Let's bring Edward home."

* * *

**_A/N: Comments are greatly appreciated. Please leave one!_**


	18. Time for Changes

**Chapter 18: Time for Changes**

**Bella's POV**

The three of us climbed into Carlisle's Mercedes for the long drive north. We would be able to reach Edward by nightfall, but before we crossed the border into Canada there was one thing I needed to do first...

"I'll just be a couple of minutes," I said to Jasper and Alice as I exited the car, then I walked into the Forks Police Department.

I found Charlie sitting at his desk with his back facing me. I leaned against a large filing cabinet a few feet behind him, and lingered there, just watching him as he worked, unaware of my presence. He scribbled some notes across some papers and stuffed them into a folder, sighing heavily as he did so. A mug of coffee sat on his desk next to him, filled to the very brim. Wisps of steam travelled upward, away from the dark surface of the hot liquid that I knew contained not a drop of milk, and not a single grain of sugar. Charlie liked his coffee strong and black. _"It's better than a sharp slap in the face to wake you up,"_ is what he would say whenever I showed my distaste for the harsh bitter flavor that he loved.

I would miss those little details. Details that used to be trivial and insignificant suddenly became the most important details of my morning, simply because I had an aching suspicion that it was the last time I would see Charlie for a very long time... if even at all. As hopeful as I was, I couldn't say for sure what was going to happen with Edward when I saw him again. I just needed to say goodbye to Charlie, first... in case I didn't return.

As I nervously deliberated exactly what I was going to say to him, I was vaguely aware of the sound of footsteps approaching from behind me.

"Bella? My goodness, look at you! I haven't seen you in ages! How are you, darling?"

I startled at the hearty voice and turned to find Andrew Neilsen, Charlie's coworker of many years. I remembered him from when I was a child. He still looked like I remembered him: very tall, large belly, and a thick rusty mustache which, over the years, had adopted several streaks of grey. He placed his large palm over my shoulder and grinned widely.

"I'm alright, Officer Neilsen, thanks," I smiled politely.

Officer Neilsen's friendly, yet booming voice had caused Charlie to spin around in his chair. He smiled in surprise upon the discovery of my presence.

"Neilsen, your wife is on line two!" Another voice called from beyond the room. Officer Neilsen winked at me and disappeared again from where he came from.

I walked the few steps to Charlie's desk and leaned back against its edge. His chair squeaked as he rolled it back a few inches across the checkered linoleum floor. The lines around Charlie's eyes deepened with a look of concern as he tilted his head upward to look at me.

"Bella? What are you doing here? Everything okay?"

I snatched a random paperclip that littered his desktop and began twirling it with my fingers. "Everything is fine. I just... I wanted to tell you that I'm going on a last minute road trip. Alice is waiting for me outside."

"Oh? Okay..." he said, and leaned around me to peer out the window. Jasper was visible sitting in the driver's seat talking to Alice. "Where are you kids going? Is Edward going with you, too?" he wondered, noting Edward's absence from the vehicle.

I carefully thought of how to answer without lying. "We're meeting him in B.C.," I replied flatly, still looking out the window. Jasper turned his head and met my eyes, then nodded reassuringly. My nerves settled instantly and I stopped fiddling with the small twisted metal clip in my hands.

"Canada, huh? Well, alright, I suppose," Charlie said, and scratched his chin. "You got your passport and all that?"

I nodded, simply thankful he wasn't freaking out about my announcement, though I figured his leniency was probably Jasper's doing.

"I'm not really sure how long we'll be gone, so..." I stammered.

Charlie stood up as I spoke, taking his mug up with him, and raised it to his lips to take a careful sip. I trailed off when Charlie's shift in position revealed something that was previously hidden from me. A missing person poster of Ethan Conner was tacked to the bulletin board behind him. My heart dropped, because that poster symbolized all the lies I'd told and secrets I'd kept from my father since I first met Edward. Also, my true reason for heading for Canada might have possibly been the _last_ secret I would ever keep from Charlie.

I wished I could blurt out the truth about everything. I wanted him to hold me and promise that everything would turn out alright. But I couldn't do that. Charlie was a part of the world kept in the dark from the truths I'd come to learn, and I had to leave him behind within it. No matter what happened to me, Charlie would stay safe, so long as he remained ignorant.

"Well, keep me posted, if you can. And stay safe, you hear me?" Charlie uttered, then placed his mug down again over the ring of coffee that stained his desk.

Before he could see the tears that were beginning to well in my eyes, I wrapped my arms around his chest and pulled him against me in a tight embrace. He was unprepared for the affectionate gesture, so it took him a moment to relax within my grasp. Somehow he must have felt my need to simply be held, and he did not question it.

"I love you, Dad," I mustered after composing myself. The last thing I wanted was to raise his suspicions that something was amiss.

"You sure you're okay?"

"Yeah. I just didn't want to leave without saying goodbye," I said, and pulled back. I smiled reassuringly, for both our sakes.

Officer Neilsen came back into the room again and shook his head in amazement as he looked from me to Charlie.

"It's really something, Swan. They sure grow up fast, huh? She's not a little girl anymore," he said.

Charlie gazed at me reminiscently as he considered his coworkers words.

"Dad... I'll _always_ be your little girl," I said.

Among all the truths I could never reveal to him, that was the one that I actually could.

The day passed slowly despite the blinding speed at which we covered ground. The miles flew by quickly, but twilight found us before we reached our intended destination. The rainfall that followed us for most of the day had faded to mist in the waning light. It ceased completely as the sun perched on the horizon, painting the sky with mauve and rust.

Driving along the same stretch of road that had been our course for the last several hours had become hypnotizing. The repetitive scenery of trees and more trees had become unnerving as it caused the illusion that we weren't making any progress. For hours on end, everything had looked the same, and it felt like we were running in circles. I was about to become the typical impatient child in the back seat that whined _"Are we there yet?"_ when Alice suddenly instructed Jasper to pull off the road.

My impatience quickly turned to anxiety.

"Are we close?" I uttered as I lifted my head from the window.

"Yes," Alice replied, without offering more details.

We drove through the trees down a narrow dirt path until we emerged beyond the green maze and ended up facing the ocean.

Jasper killed the engine then turned his head to look at me from the corner of his eye.

"Come," he called over the back of his seat, then both he and Alice opened their doors at the same time, and stepped out of the car. They were both several feet away approaching the water before I even managed to unbuckle my seatbelt.

As I followed them, my eyes darted around the surroundings. A seagull was perched on the spine of an overturned canoe that lay abandoned on the rocky shore. Seaweed hung like entrails from a large gaping hole in the splintered hull. The bird surveyed us cautiously and shifted its weight from one foot to the other on the paint-chipped wood. I felt equally as unsettled as it appeared to be.

Jasper and Alice stopped walking just short of where the lapping waves could touch their shoes. I joined them and cast them both a questioning glance.

Alice pointed to a house at the end of a small peninsula about a mile or so down the beach. "He'll be in there," she said simply.

Knowing how close I was to Edward again caused my heart to pound furiously. After having traveled hundreds of miles to reach him, the distance between Edward and I was finally reduced to a single one, if even that much. But as anxious as I was to see him, I felt momentarily frozen in place. Unknowing what would transpire between us daunted me, but I knew there was only one way to find out for sure. I hadn't come all this way to turn back now. I had to keep fighting for us. No matter what.

"We can come with you," Jasper offered, sensing my apprehension. The breeze off the ocean gently tousled his blond hair across his forehead.

I breathed in the salty sea air and sighed. "No. I mean, thank you, but neither of you should be around when I see him."

Jasper looked at Alice who had already begun to interject.

"You know we can't say for sure what Edward's going to do when he sees you," Alice warned, her arms crossed in front of her chest. "If we're too far away we won't be able to keep you safe if he tries to attack you again." Alice cautioned, but she looked as though she had already anticipated that her pleas would fall on deaf ears.

I shook my head. "I _have_ to show him I still trust him. This is the only way I can do that. No matter what happens, I don't want either of you to interfere," I said, looking at Jasper, insisting that he not influence Edward's behavior. If he didn't like the idea of leaving me to my own devices, he kept it to himself. He nodded slightly in answer to my request.

"Besides," I turned back to Alice, "if you really thought Edward was going kill me then you wouldn't have let me come all this way with you," I countered, unsure if I was trying to make Alice or myself feel better about the situation.

Alice thought for a moment before she replied. "I know what's in his heart," she admitted.

"Then that's enough for me."

"But there's no promise that—"

"I don't need a promise. I have my trust."

With that said, I reached forward and brought Alice against me and hugged her.

"Are you sure you want to do this, Bella?" Alice said, wrapping her arms behind my back.

"Do you even have to ask?" I replied, staring over her shoulder at the little house where my fate would soon be determined.

I felt her shake her head and she held onto me a bit tighter, but I knew no matter how hard she tried to hold on, nothing would keep me from going to Edward... and I knew she knew it as well.

"Does he know I'm close by?" I wondered.

Alice pulled back looked at me sadly. "He _always_ feels like you're close by."

**

* * *

Edward's POV**

Daylight had crept just beyond the horizon. I sat on the floor of a small cottage on the ocean with my legs bent up in front of me. Resting my arms over knees, I peered with extreme unease at the lifeless body of the home's lone dweller that laid slumped on the floor across the room.

His dying thoughts had disturbed me. He did not think of the family he was losing as his life slipped away. He did not think of his friends or his children like all my other victims had. He was _thankful_ for the death I was bringing him, because it meant the end of his loneliness. The man _had_ no family. He had no wife, no children, he didn't even have a single friend. No one would come looking for him, or even know he had died. No one loved him. No one would miss him.

As I stared at the pool of blood that stained the wooden floor, I realized my efforts had been futile. His death was as pointless as the purpose behind it. The flavor of the fresh blood on my tongue was just as palatable as my first victim's from the ferry. I wasn't getting any better. How many humans had I killed? Ten? Twenty? A thousand? _None?_ It may as well have been. I hadn't accomplishing anything, no matter what I tried. My frustration was agonizing, but the heartache that I had previously attempted to ignore, was much worse.

To say that Bella was slipping away from me would imply that I still had somewhat of a grasp on her, and that felt as far away from the truth as I could imagine. The only connection I had with her were the visions I would conjure up, and even then, my guilt-ridden mind would not allow myself the selfish pleasure of keeping them around very long. She was only a ghost to me now.

I felt the room begin to spin. Blood, dismay, heartache, and failure were a toxic combination, and the noises in my head only added to my agony. Along with the incessant ravings of my own torturous thoughts, the voices of my family echoed indiscernibly in my memory. I had let them down. They had done everything in their power to help, and I could only repay them with disappointment.

I rose to my feet and unintentionally came face to face with my reflection in a large gothic mirror hanging on the wall. Eyes damned with the color of death stared back at me; eyes that I had made it a point to avoid looking at, knowing what they had cost me. I couldn't stand looking at myself this way, especially knowing my efforts were all for naught. All I wanted was Bella back, and there was nothing I could do to allow that to happen.

With both hands I tore the mirror from the wall and brought it crashing violently to the ground. Broken fragments sprang upward again, and rained back down in a shower of a million glass shards. They crunched beneath the soles of my shoes as I stormed down the hallway, then out the back door. I stole down the wooden steps and headed across the rocky beach toward the shore. Stones knocked together as they kicked up from underneath my aggravated strides. A small pier about twenty feet long jutted out from the edge of the shoreline, and I made my way across the span to the very end. Staring down over the edge at the surging waves, I felt as though I were literally at the end of the world with no idea of where I was supposed to go next.

A light fog had begun to materialize as I stood at the pier's edge, and clouded my surroundings to mimic my thoughts. When I turned around again to face the shore, a figure was standing at the other end of the pier. It was barely visible through the brume, but I knew it was her. Rather, my ever-perfect vision of her. I gazed at the beauty of Bella's ghostly figure, afraid to blink, for I never knew how long she would stay visible to me. I took a step toward her, yearning for the ability to hold her again. Despite the veil of fog, her image was so vivid; a perfect depiction of how I remembered her down to the tiniest detail.

I took another step, but the closer I got, the sadder I became, because I knew that once I reached her, her image would only fade away with the mist in the breeze. So I stopped walking and just continued to look at her, mystified by the clarity of her image that was strangely getting even sharper instead of blurring, like it usually had before it would disappear.

Suddenly, her static form took a step toward me, and I startled when I felt her pace vibrate through the wooden planks beneath my feet.

"Edward?" She spoke.

Her voice nearly jump-started my heart. The visions of her had never spoken to me before. Was it possible? Was she...

"Bella?" I uttered in disbelief.

"I came to find you," she called out softly, taking another slow pace forward. I heard the small burst of air she inhaled after she spoke and the slight shake in her voice. The fog shifted around her form as she moved, and the grit scratched between her shoes and the boards with each step.

This was no dream. She was here, and very real.

I was directly in front of her in a few short strides, and I folded my arms around her, pulling her body against mine. I buried my face into the crook of her shoulder and lifted her up off the ground, holding her to my chest. "You're here. You're real," I mumbled in amazement, reveling in the feeling of her in my arms.

I felt her nod. "I'm here, Edward."

How I missed the sound of my name on her tongue.

"Oh, Bella... Bella... Bella," I uttered as I held her tightly in my grasp.

My guilt quickly forced its way past my initial elation of seeing her again, and reminded me of the monstrous way I had treated her when we were last together. I was humbled that she had come to find me despite all that.

I shifted my hold on her, and brought my cheek against her own so my lips were close to her ear. The warmth of her skin electrified me.

"Forgive me, Bella. I'm so, _so_ _sorry, _for how I treated you," I said, immediately feeling the inadequacy of my words. '_Sorry_' felt like such an unworthy word to use in comparison to the magnitude of my regret, but I continued anyway, hoping that what I offered would be enough.

"I love you so much." I felt a tear slide down between her face and mine. "I didn't mean any of it. Every second of every day I wished I could take it all back. I wanted to tell you sooner, but I was trying to keep you... safe... from myself..." I realized too late that I had completely went against my plan by having Bella this close to me, my mouth just inches from her throat. Despite that terrifying realization, I instinctively inhaled. As I breathed in her scent, my vision was instantly painted red.

I felt myself begin to salivate, and I panicked. Clenching my jaws together, I set Bella abruptly back down on her feet and pulled away before I did something to hurt her. I started to back away from her to put some distance between us, but my heart wrenched in pain at the loss of our contact, and anchored me down after a mere few steps. Aggravated with my conflicting emotions, I turned my back to her and gripped onto a tall post at the side of the pier with my hand. My fingers dug into the sea-ravaged wood as I squinted my eyes, trying to dispel the evil inside me. I _refused_, after everything I've been through, to fall victim to myself with Bella's life at stake.

"I'm sorry... I don't know if you're safe around me," I ground out through clenched teeth. I despised that I still felt like a threat to her. I stood there, frozen, unsure of how to proceed, half expecting that Bella would run away from me again.

A warm touch on my skin made me open my eyes, and I found Bella's hand gently resting on top of my wrist. I watched in awe as the muscles in my forearm visibly relaxed. Chips of wood dropped from the post as I released it, and took my tension with them. They fell through the uneven cracks between the planks under our feet, and drifted away in the tide.

"You're not going to hurt me, Edward. I trust you," Bella said, soothing me back toward sanity. Though I felt myself becoming slightly more at ease, I kept my eyes averted from hers. I realized that Bella had yet to see the crimson shade that tainted them. My methods had scarred me physically, and I wanted to shield her from witnessing the evidence. Though I was certain she was aware of my horrid deeds, the last thing I wanted was for her to see me as the bloody-eyed monster I had become.

She lifted her hand up to touch my cheek and I winced slightly when the heat from the inside of her wrist washed over my lips. I knew that with just a small turn of my head I could easily tear through the thin skin covering the pulse I feared I would put an end to. She took notice of my reaction and gently placed her other hand on the opposite side of my face, gently turning my head back to hers.

"Edward... Look at me," Bella said, searching for my gaze.

Hesitantly, I aligned my eyes with hers, and with utmost regret, showed her the crimson color that damned me. It burned my heart to have her see me looking like this.

She peered into my eyes as though searching for something, then shook her head slightly back and forth. "You're not a monster, Edward. All I see in your eyes is your love. I forgive you. For everything. And I love you. No matter what."

Her words were the daggers that slew my darkness. It was exactly what I needed to hear from her. She had come for me, and found me behind my own eyes.

And with that, Bella pulled my face down toward hers until our lips touched, then kissed me tenderly, returning the warmth I thought was lost to me forever.

When our lips parted, she slid her hands from my face and lowered them until they rested against my chest. "I have something to ask of you," she said carefully.

"Anything."

She stared at my mouth for a few moments before returning her eyes to mine.

"Make me yours."

I frowned questioningly, worried by exactly what she meant.

"Change me. Tonight," she clarified.

I was prepared to give her the moon and stars, but I hesitated, not knowing if I could trust myself to grant her request.

"I could kill you," I finally replied, hoping to sway her.

"You won't," she assured with a slight shake of her head.

I said nothing to refute her confidence, but I did not display any of my own, either. Moments passed in silence as I deliberated. The possibility that I might end up killing her terrified me, and I prayed that someone was around to end me should that happen.

Bella broke the silence with a small sigh, and she looked at me with a thoughtful gaze. "I asked Carlisle to change me this morning. He was going to... but I couldn't go through with it," she revealed. "Maybe it would have been the easiest way to keep me safe, but I realized that I didn't want you to think you were something I needed protection from. I wanted you to know that you're the one that gets to protect me. I want you to spend the rest of eternity knowing that you were my savior, not that you were my threat. You want to keep me safe, Edward? Then _make me_ safe. It has to be you... I trust you."

Her forgiveness was overwhelming. Only moments ago I was completely hopeless, convinced I had nothing left, and now she was professing her desire to spend eternity with me despite the horror I had put her through. It rendered me speechless.

Bella looked at me with questions in her eyes. "Edward, I want to be with you. Forever. Do you... still want _me_?" she nearly whispered. A tear was budding at the corner of her eye.

Her question pulverized my heart. I cradled the side of her face in my palm, and swiped away her tear with my thumb. "I do. Bella, you're all I could ever want."

"Then take me."

Emotion overtook me and I brought her face to mine. I kissed her hungrily, starved of her love, desperate to make up for the time we lost with an eternal embrace. I refused to lose her again. As I kissed her longingly, I realized that Bella was my remedy all along. It was her love that I craved more than her blood, and I owed her the world for making me see that. No... I owed her _forever_.

"I will love you forever," I whispered, my lips brushing against hers with my promise. I then pulled her bottom lip into my mouth and grasped it gently between my teeth. With just the slightest pressure I pushed my jaws together, and Bella whimpered softly as the thin membrane of her inner lower lip broke like the skin of a tangerine wedge.

A warm trickle of her blood fell onto my tongue and over my lips, but I had no fear of causing her death, because I knew I was creating a beginning... The start of our eternity. Together.

"Forever," she uttered, and pressed her lips urgently back against mine. Though her kisses were flavored with her blood, I savored the taste of her lips, not what made them warm; the taste of her love, not what pulsed through her heart. I gathered strength from our love, and vowed I would never fail her again.

The venom worked fast, and I knew Bella was in pain, but she struggled to remain above it for as long as she possibly could. Her fingers twisted through the hair at the back of my head and she clung to me, kissing me desperately as though my lips helped soothe her pain.

Her knees suddenly buckled and she cried out as her discomfort had finally become too much for her to bear. Catching her weight, I lowered us both down and pulled her onto my lap. Cradling her protectively in my arms, I held her as her body trembled and I whispered words of love and promises of quick relief.

Pain was temporary. Our love would be forever… I trusted that.

* * *

**_A/N: Comments are greatly appreciated. Please leave one!_**


	19. A New Dawn

**Chapter 19: A New Dawn**

**Bella's POV**

Dawn was seconds away from breaking over the Canadian Rockies. The snow was falling gently, adding another layer to the ivory blanket that stretched out as far as I could see. I stood barefoot on the snow-dusted veranda of the cabin Edward and I called home for the past six months and leaned forward against the railing. Looking out at the mountains that adorned the horizon, I smiled, not only at the beautiful scenery, but at the joy of where I was in life at the moment. More importantly, _who_ I was with. Edward had conquered his fear of losing me, and ensured that our love would never die. I was now a vampire, like him, and we were connected by an everlasting bond which started even before his teeth pierced my flesh.

My white nightgown fluttered softly out behind me in the light breeze which felt more like a summer's caress than a cold chill. As I watched the snowflakes float down around me, my thoughts were reeled back to the first moments we spent at this place, high on the side of a mountain in British Columbia. Alice and Jasper had found the abandoned dwelling for us to stay in during my transformation.

My memories from the harsh days of my change were flashes of consciousness riddled with inexplicable pain, and I knew it was just as hard for Edward to see me that way as it was for me to endure it. However, Jasper was also there throughout the entire duration and he lent his powerful calming force to us both. Nonstop throughout my transition, as my human body was slowly dying, his comforting presence held us both up, making us stronger and more able to cope.

When my heart stopped beating, the pain finally ended. The first thing I saw when I opened my eyes was the incredible relief on Edward's face. It had been an arduous journey for us both, but we came out of the darkness and into a new dawn. The time for our pain was over.

As I looked at Jasper for the first time with my newborn eyes, I struggled to find the words to properly express my gratitude for his continual support. But before I could piece together the overwhelming thoughts in my mind, my new brother, having felt my emotions, smiled humbly and nodded with understanding.

My main concern was how the side effects of my change would affect Edward, specifically, my craving for human blood. I was worried that my newborn bloodlust would have made it difficult for Edward to overcome his own, but the secluded location of the cabin was actually the ideal solution for our situation. The complete lack of a human presence inhibited temptation for us both, making it easier to cope, so we had decided to continue living there even after my change had taken place. Alice and Jasper eventually left us to ourselves with confidence that we would not harm any humans, and slowly, the matching color of our eyes faded from ruby to golden as we proceeded to feed on the animals around us. The isolation also proved to be the best possible distraction, allowing us the opportunity to focus on each other, to reconnect and solidify our love. It was our honeymoon, before the actual wedding.

We were finally married in the fall beneath a tree with golden leaves. The wedding took place at dawn, and the sunrise ushered us into our new beginning as man and wife. Carlisle had lead the small ceremony, officially uniting Edward and I in our marriage, and welcomed me as part of the Cullen family. Without their help and guidance, I might have lost Edward forever, but instead, my forever would be spent in his arms, and for that I was eternally grateful.

Never a day went by without Edward showing me how much he loved me, and how thankful he was for having been bestowed another chance at happiness with me. There was rarely a moment that his body wasn't in direct contact with my mine in some way, almost like he needed the reassurance that I was real. It was as though he thought I might vanish in thin air, or fade like a dream. We've come a long way since I found him that foggy evening on the pier so many moons ago. Our lives had been so full of uncertainty and doubt, guilt and regret... but what was done was done. We decided to overlook the darkness in our past and to focus on the brightness in our future. As long as we were together, the sunshine was in our lives.

I was pulled out of my daydream when a sliver of light slipped through a break in the clouds. The golden ray caught my skin and sent diamonds glimmering off its surface. I gazed in wonderment at the luminous reaction. Even after having been a vampire for all this time, I was still awed by the facets of my new body.

A set of arms suddenly wrapped lovingly around my waist from behind.

"You're a stunning vision, Mrs. Cullen," my husband murmured into my ear, then proceeded to kiss my earlobe.

I hummed softly at the sensation, then I turned around in Edward's arms to face him. Leaning up against his bare chest, I lifted my head up and grinned at the sight of the mess of bronze hair that stuck out in every direction atop his head.

"You're quite the sight, yourself," I laughed teasingly, raking my fingers back through his hair in an attempt to tame it.

His golden eyes glinted with mischief. "Well, you only have yourself to blame," he teased back before catching my mouth with his. He kissed me tenderly at first, then picked me up and seated me onto the wooden railing as he deepened our kiss. I wrapped my legs around his waist, reeling him closer, reveling in the thought that I could kiss him for forever if I wanted to, without the need to ever take a breath.

Another aspect that I had grown to appreciate of the remote area we lived in, was the complete and utter privacy that two young lovers required.

Edward felt me smile against his lips and he pulled his head back with playful intrigue.

"You know, it drives me crazy sometimes that I can't tell what's going on in that head of yours," he said with a small laugh in his voice.

I ran my palms down the sides of his arms and grinned coyly. "I was just thinking how much I love living here with you," I replied, drawing him even closer against me with my legs.

"Mm-hmm..." Edward hummed, correctly suspecting there was more to my statement.

He softly kissed the apple of my cheek, then eyed the rising sun behind me. The sunrise captured his thoughts for a moment then he grasped my hand in his. He looked at my hand as he smoothed his thumb across my wedding ring. I watched his eyes as they clearly watched a memory from our wedding day, and I smiled at the serenity that claimed his features.

Bringing my hand to his lips, he kissed my fingers over my ring. "My Bella... I promise to love you, and to protect you, for every single moment of forever," he recalled the vows that he spoke on our wedding day.

My heart melted. "I love you so much, Edward."

I pulled him back into another kiss.

Edward grasped my lower lip, and kissed me like the way he did when I was last human. I could still feel the light scarring that graced the inside of my lip from where his teeth had broken the skin. It was a constant reminder of the strength of his love. Edward could have easily killed me that day on the pier, but his love had proven to be far greater than his bloodlust.

For both of us, there would never be a stronger craving, than the love we held for each other.

**The End.**

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A/N: My eternal gratitude goes to Bratty-Vamp, my amazingly wonderful friend and beta. Without your support and guidance, **_**Bloodlust**_** would have remained in the dark corners of my mind, struggling to be told. Thank you for listening to my endless frustrations and for cheering me on until the very end.**

**Thank you to Char and my Jenny-Jen, who always gave me that special boost. Your endless praises and support are heartwarming.**

**A very special thanks goes to my ever so patient readers who have stuck with this story since I first posted. It's been a very, **_**very**_** long ride and I'm happy you took it with me.**

**Thank you to all my readers and reviewers. I loved to have read your thoughts. Much love your way!**

**Add me to your author alerts if you're interested in what I have coming up next. I have another multi-chapter story brewing in my mind already!**

**xoxo**


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